Pain

Here's a journal entry from the other night...I've dated this entry as if it were that night still. Enjoy!

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I was laughing with a friend today over the interesting ways God uses to get our attention. this friend was telling me about another couple who are friends of ours who had recently been discussing whether or not he should quit his job so they could start their own business. They really thought this could be a direction God was leading them in but even though he didn't like his job it was still a good job and kept their kids in clothes and their bills paid. He was laid off Monday. I'm so glad I serve a God who will allow the drastic to come in and put us in the place of necessary change.

As I write this I'm in hot water up to my neck thanks to a nerve or muscle in my upper shoulders/neck area that literally brought me to my knees with tears rolling down my cheeks a little while ago. I've never had a migraine, and I don't think that's what this is, but I am thankful I don't get migraines or even measly little headaches too often. My compassion & prayers for family members who do has just increased tremendously.

Y'see ~ I'm a wimp. No, really, I am. When something goes wrong my first response tends to be, "Lord! I can't do this! What are You doing here!?" Yes, I suppose it's time for me to admit it...I was a bit of a spoiled child (not a lot, just a bit, honest!), and I tend to revert back when things happen with no input from me or anyone else through poor choices.

That's what I did tonight ~ with tears rolling down my face I started tidying up the Family room thinking, "Lord! This hurts so badly! Scott's sitting there...can he not see that I'm in pain?! Will he even notice?" (Scott and I had just finished watching The Apprentice and were currently watching a special on the life of Pope Benedict XVI.) He did notice eventually and asked what he could do to help ~ he's truly my gift!~ so while I came upstairs he brewed me a cup of wonderfully soothing peppermint tea and brought it to me. (by the way, I didn't say anything because I honestly could not do anything but try to keep from sobbing...) And you're probably thinking, "good for him. This has to do with anything...how?"

Well, stick with me to the end....I climbed into the tub and started reading an old book I "borrowed" from my Mom's library about three years ago titled "Disciplines of the Beatiful Woman" by Anne Ortlund. By page 11 (which is really page three of text) I realized God gave me an answer to the "what are you DOING?" question. Mrs. Ortlund first paraphrases Brother Lawrence and his statement that peace doesn't come until pain is as welcome as a lack of pain. (I was fighting the pain and wondering who was going to "save me from it." ~ there was no peace!) She goes on to say that "pain is God's beautiful gift, anyway, to make us lean harder on Him, when He knows we need it." I immediately thought of how I had pity-party after pity-party when I first found out I have multiple food allergies, and how I was so upset about having to go through so much change. (See? I told ya I was a wimp!)

But then, with a little Mendelssohn filling the air and the soothing fingers of hot water loosening the knots in my shoulders, I read this..."Or pain can simply be the means to that quiet we long for." I put the book down and grabbed my journal. (I want to make a habit of recording the times God steps in for those times when I feel He's stepped away.) Just this afternoon when I was watching a friend's two boys (who happen to be my boys best friends) it seemed to be one thing after another. First Caleb gets poked near the eye with a toothpick, Brady gets hurt wrestling with Caleb, Matthew is crying because he had to sit on the toybox until I was calm enough to talk to him about proper toothpick usage and Micah was crying because I was making him lay down for a nap. Amidst all the chaos I went to my desk, put my head in my hands, felt the throbbing in my temples and asked God, "Can I have no peace? All I want is quiet!" Whoddathunk that peace and quiet would come in the form of a remedy for tremendous pain? God, You're awesome! Than You for the reminder that You DO hear, You DO care, and You DO answer prayer...when YOU know the time is right.


PS: since I can't get a Dr. to prescribe me real reading glasses I use store-bought readers...they've been wonderful taking the strain off my eyes tonight. And, to keep the weight of my hair from pulling on my scalp I have a shower cap on...Scott walked in and called me Granny...what was that I called him? Gift? Curse? (LOL!)

Book Recommendations

Hi there! This morning I was reading an e-mail requesting books for a list this person was composing of summer reading recommendations for children. Since then I have been thinking of books I would recommend to somone to take along on a vacation or to have by their bedside/favorite chair. These are some of the books that have come to feel like old friends to me. I hope you can relate to some of them, and feel free to add your favorites in the comments section!

Fiction:
Redemption series by Karen Kingsbury & Gary Smalley (I had the joy of meeting Karen through our MOMS book club at church ~ she recommended this series to me after hearing a bit of my story and I have not been disappointed. So far I have read the first three books of the series.)

Glenbrooke series by Robin Jones Gunn ~ I had bought these as the complete set when they were mismarked at our Christian Bookstore in Redding for $5.97! (seven books) This is a great series for simply getting lost in the relationships of people. I love how she weaves everyone's tales together.

Trixie Belden series byKathryn Kenney ~ yes, you read it right! Trixie Belden Girl Detective the series from the 60's! I grew up on Trixie Belden and I have recently re-discovered her books since they're currently being re-published. I have a whole new insight into my crazy mind and love for all things detective after having gone back and read the series again.

Life Challenging:
Love Beyond Reason by John Ortberg ~ given to me by his father when I worked in LA, this is by far my favorite book. If you've ever realized (or maybe not realized yet, but wondered) about your view of the unfailing love of Jesus this book will become one of your favorites, too. John has such a conversational and humorous way of writing that he makes the words come to life and touch the reader in amazing ways. I highly recommend his other books, too...The Life You've Always Wanted and If You Want to Walk on Water...You've Got to Get Out of the Boat.

The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge ~ I have this thing about truly living the life we've been given to live if you haven't noticed that already. This book is a great book to encourage you to really figure out what your desires are and to seek God's desire for your life...because when you seek Him he will give you the desires of your heart. John makes such a clear statement of truth in saying that when you seek God, really SEEK Him, you want to know more of Him (unlike most of us and regular people...it seems the more you know the more you wish you didn't know) and when you seek Him and know Him and seek HIS desire for your life you find your own desires changing. So, if you've ever wondered how to leave your mark on this life, read this book.

Intimacy With the Almighty by Chuck Swindoll ~ I read this book when Caleb was a baby and it changed my life. We are made, literally created, for relationship. The greatest relationships are those where we allow ourselves to become intimately involved (not sexual intimacy...BIG difference!) in the lives of others. And the most intimate and fulfilling relationship we can ever have is with The One who created us and knows us better than we can ever know ourselves...God. Get the tape series to go along with it and spend the time developing a relationship with eternal rewards.

NON-Fiction:
Bringing Up Boys by Dr. James Dobson ~ as a woman who is raising two males and married to another male I feel incredibly ill-equipped at times. This book has helped me understand how God has made my boys to be. (another one that is great for this is Wild at Heart by John Eldredge) It covers it all...if you've got boys I suggest this book HIGHLY!

The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman ~ read it, apply it, live it. You'll understand why after you do.

Why You Act the Way You Do by Tim Lahaye ~ the earliest memory I have of this book is long before I was married and Mom bought it at some store on a Saturday afternoon. We got in the car (Dad, Mom & me) and she started reading about the Sanguine personality...tell me if you can figure out who she was talking about when she read, "the sanguine has all the tools and toys they need to get the job done. They'll wake up nice and early on a Saturday to mow the lawn and they'll get all their tools/toys lined up and ready to go ~ blades sharpened, gas in the gas tanks ~ and three hours later they're still standing at the fence talking to the neighbor about anything and everything." We laughed REAL hard that day! (Even Dad ~ you gotta love someone who can laugh at themselves!)

Children's Books:
Jared and the Odinary, Handy-Dandy, Excellent, Extraordinary, Plain Brown String by Dana Webb ~ I love this book that tells the story about a boy who was given a plain brown string and how he used it to touch the lives of so many.

Christian's Journey by Karl Schaller, Lee Hough, and Liz Duckworth ~ this is the classic, Pilgrim's Progress retold for children. It's fun to read to and with your kids.

The 20th Century Children's Book Treasury ~ this book is actually 44 different books in one and if you only buy one book for your children this summer, buy this one. I love the selection...it includes Where the Wild Things Are, Amelia Bedelia, Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel, and The Stinky Cheese Man. And those are only a few. This is a great collection of great books I remember from my own childhood.

So there it is. I hope you try some of them on for size. If you do, let me know what you think ~ I love to discuss books with people!

Don't forget to leave your list of favorites in the comments section, too!

AWOL

This past weekend our Parents of Young Children small group had an overnight retreat at a hotel in Portland. It was wonderful! We call it "AWOL" which means Away With Out Littleones...okay, if we really used the initials it would be AWLO..which I suppose we could say as 'ello like we're from Australia or England or something, but since we as parents feel like going AWOL every once in a while it seems to fit the weekend better.

Saturday night a group of about six couples stayed up until 3:30 AM talking and laughing and having a great time. It seemed rather logical at the time...you know, stay up late with your friends because we always have to be home for the babysitter whenever we do go out together. However, today...yeah. I think it was still fun and I'd do it all over again, but I think I'd ask the babysitter to stay another night so we could catch up on sleep! LOL!

We had a lot of fun, though. Our speakers were a couple from our church who do Marriage Encounter weekends and they talked mostly about speaking each other's love language. After that we all played BUNCO! and had a blast getting extremely competitive in a very chance-oriented dice game. Bunco is a blast if you've never played it. If you have you already know what I'm talking about! Just imagine, though...14 couples who are away from their kids for an entire day and possibly overnight who seem to have been given a drink from the fountain of youth for just such a day playing a game that requires you to be loud and obnoxious whenever you roll three of the same dice. It was hilarious...and, not only that, we had roll-offs in each of the three categories! Laughter was definitely a huge part of the weekend - and we all know laughter is the best medicine for most everything.

The boys had a blast and we all were happy to see each other when we came home. Hope you all had a great weekend, too!

just some thoughts...

I was thinking about our butterflies a little bit ago and what it was like when I put my hand in the back of their box to carry them outside to freedom. I remembered that I couldn't just put my hand in there and have them climb onto my finger. No, I really kind of freaked them out and they would begin to go into cardiac fluttering and escape mode with their wings going like crazy and jumping all around. Then I had to kind of "knock 'em off their feet" so they weren't on top of things so their little legs would be reaching for anything to help them get upright again. It seems cruel, but it was what had to be done to get them to cling on to me without hurting their wings so they could fly free.

As I thought about that it dawned on me that I'm a lot like that with God. When He's trying to do something in my life and He's reaching down to help me through it I tend to freak out and start fluttering my wings and jumping around. I act like I'm the one who needs to escape and be in control when in truth my life verse is being lived out..."He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17 NIV. I'm not in control of my life ~ I'm in control of my choices and actions ~ but He's in control of my life and too often He's gotta knock me on my back (or backside) for a moment before I am flailing my hands and arms wildly looking for Him to help me get right side up again.

Y'know what, though? It's not in the big stuff that I'm like this. I look back on the big hard times in my life and my trust and peace was immediately in Him with no doubts or questions. It's in the day-to-day stuff that I struggle the most. The days when Micah says "NO!" waaaaaaaay too many times for my sanity. ...the days he decides poo from a dirty diaper makes a beautiful contemporary art pattern on his bedroom carpet. The days when Caleb thinks it's much easier to pinch his brother's cheek than it is to walk away from him when Micah wants what he has. Please tell me every parent has those days when their kids become the children of some other parent because they're certainly not YOUR children! :) Those are the days I struggle the most. The days I wonder if maybe I didn't read the signs wrong and I should have been a nun or something instead of a wife and mother. (no, I don't really think that....too often.)

I guess butterflies are good lesson-teachers for more than just amazing transformations. Too often God's wanting to make a change to bring me into another level of freedom in Him and I fight it afraid of what's coming. Letting go of children, clutter, my own time alone, the past, weight, favorite foods I'm now allergic to...whatever...God seems to be saying, "It's okay, it's me Little One. I'm not here to hurt you, but to help you. Trust me." Lord, I trust you ~ help my distrust!

Here's Tam & I at Multnomah Falls East of Portland that Sunday morning before we headed out to the beach.