Merry Christmas!

I belong to a graphics "club" and when I opened the latest newsletter tonight I knew I had found my Christmas entry for my blog. Below is the letter submitted by a gal named Nancy Scheiern from I have no idea where. It doesn't matter where she's from ~ I think one day we'll be "from" the same place. I don't know if she wrote it, but to whoever did write it ~ THANK YOU. On December 23rd after a day of watching people rush and speed to get the gifts under the tree in time for Christmas Day (and enjoying the number of people who were smiling and saying "Merry CHRISTmas" to those they were dealing with) this was exactly what I needed to read to focus once again on the Reason for the Season. May God be evident in each of your lives ~ may this year be one of seeing God's hand in each and every day. He longs to know you ~ to mold you into the person HE created you to be ~ to give you life abundantly. God go with you (He already does, but sometimes we need the reminder).... with a most sincere heart I wish you Merry Christmas!

Trayc

PS: click on the title to be taken to a link with an interesting article about modern day Bethlehem...and remember to pray for all Christians worldwide who are being persecuted (and many of them "in our own backyard") because of simple faith in Jesus. thank you!

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As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated. During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration. Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don't know the meaning of the celebration.

I remember that last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. But, do you want to know something? I wasn't invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn't remember to send me an invitation. The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they closed the door in my face .... and I wanted to be with them and share their table.

In truth, that didn't surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me. Since I wasn't invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a grand time. To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying: "Santa Claus, Santa Claus" .. as if the party were in his honor!

At 12 Midnight all the people began to hug each other; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and ... do you know ... no one hugged me. Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me.

What would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one? I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left.

Every year it gets worse. People only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life. I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. Today, I only want that you believe this with all your heart.

I want to share something with you. As many didn't invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party.

I'm still making the final arrangements. Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book. Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. Those who don't answer the invite, will be left outside.

Be prepared because when all is ready you will be part of my great party.

See you soon.

I Love you!
Jesus

Just One...

I subscribe to e-mails from a lady whose purpose is to help those of us who get sidetracked easily stay on track with our homes (link to it by clicking on the title above), and I just got done reading this e-mail:

Dear FlyLady,

You may not know it, but you have had a direct and highly positive impact on our war effort in Iraq. Most notably, your organizational discipline has translated wonderfully to our Iraqi allies, specifically the Army that I train and fight alongside. I recently had the chance to read some of my wife's FlyLady e-mails and realized that this is exactly the kind of systematic approach and common sense needed to get things going over here. So one thing led to another...Now the Iraqi Soldiers have issues. Talk about Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome! These folks had lived in CHAOS for some 24 years, enforced by one of the most evil, selfish persons imaginable. They had"clutter" on a societal-in fact, a galactic-scale. They have a lot of guilt and problems built up. There gear was nasty. Their barracks were a mess. They had forgotten how to fight. And now they have the whole world over, or at least the good parts of it, here to help them learn, here to do business with them, and here to welcome them into the family of responsible countries.The Iraqi Army did not get this way overnight and they will not get fixed in a day. So I echo you and tell them that they are not behind,and that each day we start right where we are. No flip-flops on guard-get dressed up in boots and lace them up. Clean our rifle daily, first thing. Focus on one "hot spot" mess every day. Document our useful procedures in simple lists. Follow the before operations checklist. Follow the after operations checklist. We are building our routines and our procedures one habit at a time. Ensure our Soldiers eat, sleep, and exercise daily-very important when the heat gets up to 120 degrees!It sounds strange, but these FlyBaby steps, translated into Arabic and a military context, are keeping our people alive and safe. We stick to salutes and pats on the back instead of hugs, but you get the idea,and so do our Iraqi friends.Thank you, FlyLady, for your contribution to our efforts to protect Iraqis and Americans.
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FlyLady here: OH MY! Purple Puddles, I am so proud of you and your Army for protecting us and for helping the Iraqis people get back on their feet. May God watch over you! I would also like to thank all the families of our service men and women for taking care of the homefront. I have to go to bed now! This one really touched my heart and it is hard for me to stop the purple puddles! How in the world can one wish to help one person do this? Finally Loving Yourself is the God Breeze that changes the world one BabyStep at a time!

I was struck by this e-mail because I knew "Flylady" before she had hundreds of thousands of people subscribing to her e-mail reminders. I knew her from a little bulletin board type chat room that I used to go on when we lived in Redding ~ and it was then that some people were encouraging her to set up her system as an e-mail option for the rest of us. She took a chance and did what she believed God was calling her to. Now, 6 years later, she has helped hundreds of thousands of people let go of guilt for not being the perfect housekeeper, and she has helped as many people get a handle on their homes so they don't feel overwhelmed by it and can live the life God has given them to it's fullest...never, though, did she expect to help so many. As she said...she had ONE wish to help ONE person and now she is touching a country that is for the first time in many, many years experiencing the freedom they longed for.

I ran across this quote from Ghandi: Consciously or unconsciously, everyone of us does render some service or another. If we cultivate the habit of doing this service deliberately, our desire for service will steadily grow stronger, and it will make not only for our own happiness, but that of the world at large. It seems to fit here perfectly.

Of course, the e-mail is moving and inspiring, but I think the reason it hit me so deeply is because just this afternoon I read an e-mail from my cousin, David, and he got me to thinking about the dreams God puts in us ~ Flylady's subject heading on her e-mail was "I never dreamed this big!" How true is that for all of us? If our dreams are small ~ to reach just one person; to touch the lives of just those around us; to just live our lives for Jesus in being the very best of who He made us to be ~ He takes what is surrendered to Him and does the most amazing things with it!

And for those of us whose dreams are bigger than maybe we think they should be....well, since I'm one of them, I want to say that we should never lose sight of what He has placed in us. NEVER GIVE UP on who GOD HIMSELF has formed you to be!!

Ugh ~ my mind's getting kind of random now as I think of all the dreams I've had in my life that I gave up on because I simply didn't think Tracy Jo Tooley-Foskett was created to be anything more than some girl on the census pages. It has only been in recent years that I have begun to see that God placed those dreams in me. I certainly haven't acquired on my own the desire to reach out and encourage people to risk being something greater than they ever imagined ~ that's Him. And it's only been in as many years that I have come to understand the dreams GOD has put inside of me will see their fruition...in His time. I love the saying "when it's up to you there may be all sorts of obstacles that can hold you back, but when God says "go" there is nothing that can get in your way." No, for those of us who dream big I think the worst part is the waiting for Him to say, "okay, now you're ready ~ go for it!"

Mother Theresa said, "I do not pray for success, I ask for faithfulness."

Gandhi, Mother Theresa, FlyLady...none of them started out saying "I think I'll go change the world." No, they started out saying, "show me the one You want me to touch, Lord...and I'll do what I can to the best that I can." Dream...whether it's big or small...dream. And then take one step ~ and then another ~ and then another. Surrender your dreams to the One who gave them to you, and let HIM do the running with them. (and, yes, I'm writing this as much to myself as to anyone else who may read this....I must remember that when I take one step it is not the entire journey. How easy it is to get lost in the dream and fail to take the steps required to be worthy of it.)

Lord, I pray for the faithfulness it takes to be who You created me to be! May my life be one that is used for Your glory in the lives of those You have given me to touch.

Theology

First of all ~ HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!! We at this Foskett house have had a wonderful day first anticipating, then preparing and then enjoying a huge feast with friends from church and My Mom & Dad (woo hoo!!!). We would like to wish you all a VERY Happy Thanksgiving and joy in the anticipation of Christmas. May God make His love for each of you known in tangible ways in the weeks ahead.

Mom & Dad are here from South Dakota ~ they arrived last Thursday and will go back to Sioux Falls next Wednesday. It has been so much fun to have them here. We were able to show them the Multnomah Falls and the Vista House on the Oregon side of the Columbia River as well as spend a couple of days on the Oregon Coast enjoying the rolling waves of the Pacific Ocean. Other than that it's been a relaxing and enjoyable time. Okay - my Mom did decide I needed to clean out my garage, and my piles of papers in my loft/office are driving her batty because she just wants to help me clean - but other than that it's been very relaxing. (oh the joys of a Martha Mom and Mary Daughter! LOL!)

so you're probably wondering what in the world my title has to do with anything I've written so far, huh? Well, as I said earlier, we had friends from church over to share Thanksgiving with us, and she kept talking about "reformed theology." It got me thinking about theology in general, and what exactly that is. If someone were to ask me to define it I couldn't, but I have an understanding of what it is in my mind. As I thought about it earlier I decided my definition is "someone's attempt at figuring God out." I checked it against the dictionary and this is what it says: "1.The study of the nature of God and religious truth; rational inquiry into religious questions. 2. A system or school of opinions concerning God and religious questions: Protestant theology; Jewish theology. 3. A course of specialized religious study usually at a college or seminary. "

I don't think I'm too far off ~ just not as refined (at least I'm true to my character! *grin*)

So as I pondered the definition I started thinking about what I would tell someone if they asked me about the theology I "buy into." I don't think it's the answer they would be looking for, but it's pretty simple ~ here it is: "Jesus loves you. He loves you so much He gave His very life for you. It may seem much more probable that He gave His life for the person next to you who didn't make the foolish choices you did, or hasn't lived the life you've lived, but that's a lie. He died for YOU. He did die for that person, too, but He didn't die any more or less for them than He did for you. Our very lives were created for His glory ~ and we have the opportunity to have a personal, REAL relationship with Him if we choose to do so. (that's where some people's theology comes in and starts to argue ~ to me it's not worth arguing about. All I'm saying is you've gotta ask Him in. Period.) If we don't have the desire to get to know Him better or how to go about it, and we ask Him to help, He will. He longs for a relationship with you, and He will give you the knowledge, the understanding, and speak to you through the Bible in order to direct you in answer to your question. His desire is for each of us to know Him. We can discuss different ideas and different thoughts, but when it comes down to the brass tacks I find only one truth ~ the perfection we all long for in ourselves is actually found in the very One who created us. And that to me is worth pondering."

One of our friends tonight, as we went around the table sharing what we were thankful for, said, "I'm thankful for the Holidays because they cause us to stop and reflect on all we have to be thankful for." He's a brilliant man. I pray that as you stop and reflect on all you have to be thankful for you can grasp the depth of love the very One who created you has for you. Actually, I think that's pretty impossible to do ~ every time I think I can put a limit on it He supercedes it and amazes me with the fathomless depth of His Love. And He loves you no less.

Happy Thanksgiving ~ if you're alone remember you are truly never alone. If you are surrounded by loved ones (or not so loved ones) remember there are those who wish they could be with someone and you have much to be thankful for. If you have a roof over your head remember those who have none. If you have loved ones to call or say Happy Thanksgiving to remember there are those who for the first time are going through the Holidays without a loved one. If you have food to eat remember those who are working to give us that food. If you have the opportunity to say grace and speak openly about what you think remember those in foreign lands who are fighting for that freedom. If you have the comfort of living in security and safety remember those who live in fear of what the ruler of their country will do next ~ or what their enemies will scheme to do in the name of their god. If you have the ability to see the beauty of God's creation wherever you are give thanks for there are those who will never see the beauty in your corner of the world ~ or may never see...period. If you have heard people laugh, cry, talk or sing today stop and listen ~ there are those who cannot hear and wish they could ~ there are those who need to be listened to and are not. Finally, if you have the opportunity to tell someone you are thankful for them do not pass it up. You may never have that opportunity again.

God bless you all~
Happy Thanksgiving!

Scars of Life

THE SCARS OF LIFE

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His father working in the yard saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him.

From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator.

Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go!"

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go.

In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead.

The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not and will not ever let you go.

God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another persons scars, because you don't know how they got them. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and you love them, too- enough to not let them go.


I received the above in an e-mail and I couldn't help but share it - God never lets go!

MOMS

It's been awhile since I've written anything here, but today seems like the kind of day where writing is exactly what I need to do. You see, the past month or so has been kind of hard on my heart and mind and soul ~ a direct reflection of the amount of time I have NOT spent writing/reading and listening.

Four weeks ago I had "a talk" with God (yes, you know already how dumb that was...) and I told Him that as far as I go He didn't have to worry about how I was because I wasn't going to bother Him with the dreams and desires of my life. I wasn't in a place of self-pity. No, I was in a place of incredible pain. The details as to why I was there aren't important - hopefully you'll see this isn't about me, but about all of us...and all of our struggles...and God...and the truth of His character. The truth of the matter was, I was there. I was in a place where I believed IN God, but I didn't BELIEVE God. I didn't believe He truly cared - He didn't really hurt when I hurt or even bother with what was bothering me. I know many, many, many incredible Christian people who have been in the same place. The place where everything they once held dear and strong and stood on with confidence seems to crumble beneath their feet and they're left wondering who this God is that they rely on and trust in and, at times, follow without having a logical reason to. That's where I was four weeks ago.

Today is a different story. And I owe my thanks for that to God Himself - and the people on this earth (you beautiful ragamuffins!) He uses to tighten the weave of His tapestry around the very ones He calls His own.

I think it's safe to say that I was feeling unraveled. Yes, that's a very good way to put it. And frayed...and 'fraid. This weekend, however, I had the privilege of being surrounded by women who love the Lord with their real hearts and long to introduce Him to women who may never have the opportunity to know Him through our church's MOMS group. MOMS isn't a Christian Bible Study for Moms group - no, it's more of a covert operation. It's more of an opportunity to come alongside and love some women who, in some cases, are very ANTI-God. In some cases it's an opportunity to come alongside some women who know God, like my friend Tara, but haven't really discovered what it's like to put complete faith in Him and live their lives for Him. In yet other cases it's the humbling experience of letting them come alongside you and help you discover you're not enough - and that's okay because God is.

I think that's where I am today. I'll never be enough - UGH! I hate to even TYPE THAT!!! I want to be enough - I want desperately to know I've got enough in me to take care of my husband and make him feel loved, secure and respected. I want to believe I've got enough to raise my children to be upstanding citizens who will honor and respect others while living their lives for Christ. I want to believe I've got enough to lead others to Christ while walking my walk with Him and not having to depend so much on those around me (...or, dare I say it and risk laying myself out there like a frog on the dissection table...Him). But the truth of the matter is: I'll never be enough. Neither will you.

Nope - the ladies I laughed and cried and munched with this weekend reminded me of that. None of us are ever going to be enough. But thankfully, and I'm clinging to this with the ounce of strength I have, God is. And He's working in ways we don't understand - and He's doing things and allowing things that just don't make sense - but He's working and He always will be.

And, y'know what else? He cares. He really does. His character doesn't allow Him NOT to care. He cares because He loves us. Psalm 103 tells us the truth of who He is...(I had forgotten to read this over and over and over until it sunk in...if only my foolish heart would get out of the way!) Here it is:

Psalm 103 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Psalm 103 Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I'm reminded of a prayer request I made a few years back - I requested they pray for weakness because I'm a strong woman - I can handle a lot of things - and that's my problem. I need to pray for the strength to be weak.

Ladies of MOMS - I want to thank you for reminding me that we serve a God who is strong enough to handle it all, and longs for the opportunity to be Himself in our lives. I'm looking forward to a great year of reaching out and loving other MOMS into the Kingdom with you. God bless you all and THANK YOU for a FUN WEEKEND!!!

MOBster

Yes, I've decided it's time I joined the MOB. Not just any MOB. Nope, the REAL MOB is the only MOB to belong to! And only certain people are allowed in. You cannot be male, but you must have intimate relationships with males in your life. The intimate relationships you have with the males in your life must not be with your husband because he is not able to be in this MOB. Nope. You've gotta have intimate relationships with males who are younger than you and look up to you for guidance, instruction and affection. To be a member of the REAL MOB you must be the Mother Of Boys.

That's right - I'm the Grandmother MOBster. I've formed a new club for all my friends who have way too many gray hairs way too early in their lives and constantly look like they just stepped off a roller-coaster experience went bad. (in some cases, VERY bad!) MOGs are not allowed as they just don't get it and the purpose of the group is to get away from their looks of "can't you control your child?!"

MOBsters is a support group for women who understand that, "no, we have tried, but we really do not get that testosterone thing and have since accepted that 'the need for speed' is truly ingrained since birth."

If you are a MOBster and would like to have a place where you can go to discuss, vent, laugh, cry and scream about what being in the MOB has done to you please let me know and I will send you an official, bullet-holed, secretive and highly confidential invitation. But, when you get it, remember....MUMS the word!

Now, for those of you who are not MOBsters...read the following and enjoy a sneak peak inside the life of a Mother Of Boys.........

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas... Things I've learned from my Boys (honest and not kidding):
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.
22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.
23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
24.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.
25.) Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

Family is Forever

What a fun day yesterday was! The Foskett family slept in until 10:40 am (bedtime didn't come until 2:00 am, and we didn't sleep much the night before we left, too...but, yes, we DID sleep half the day away! :) )

Once we finally got going we headed out to the Split Rock Township outside of Sioux Falls to see PaPa T and the big machinery. The boys absolutely loved climbing around on the front end loader, the scraper, the fire truck, the other thing and the other thing and the mower. LOL! We've got great pictures and when we head home I'll post some of the better ones.

After that we headed out and followed PaPa T and his grandkids in PaPa's pickup truck to see where he had been working and almost flipped the mower into the ditch that morning. South Dakota is such a beautiful state. I can do without the mugginess and heat, but the beauty of South Dakota can rival the most beautiful "known" places anywhere.

Then it was off to Uncle Phil & Aunt Sandi's for a time of running around in the yard for the boys and keeping cool in the house for the big kids. Whenever I'm with my family back here (and especially at big family reunions) I have a tendency to give lots of thanks for the fact that I have a big family with lots of great and wonderful Aunts & Uncles. Yesterday was one of those days. When it got time for dinner time (supper time in South Dakota) we headed to The Keg for chicken and chislic. It was the six of us and Uncle Phlip & Aunt Sandi at first - then my cousins Jon & Mark (cuz) showed up with Jon's girlfriend, Diedre and Mark's wife, Heidi and adorable little girl Isabella. Seriously, Isabella is amazingly beautiful ~ big blue eyes and the sweetest personality. It was fun to see how she has changed in the last two years ~ they really do grow up too fast.

After a little bit Uncle Vince showed up (yea! Thanks for putting down the tools and coming up - it wouldn't have been the same without you!) along with my cousin Sara and her daughter Elianna (I don't know if I'm spelling that correctly - sorry Sara!) who is also a beautiful little girl who has grown up so fast. Uncle Pat & Aunt Iris rounded out the fun little family reunion we ended up having. It was so nice to sit next to Uncle Pat and have a conversation with him - the bad thing about having such a big family is not always having the time to talk to each of them and get caught up when we're all together.

Last night ended up with Uncle Vince and Scott & I sitting out on the patio chatting and then a double feature of "24" (6 am to 8 am on the first day of the first season ~ presidential primary day.) We've become a bit addicted and so have been renting the first season discs to get caught up with everything.

It was a good day, to say the least. The boys are loving being with PaPa T and MaMa T. I'm so thankful for this time for them to make memories with the people I love the most.

We're off to Wild Water West this morning and Cabela's in Mitchell this afternoon. I'll update more tomorrow! Have a wonderful day!

Love,
Trayc

Home, Home on the Range

Hi from South Dakota! Scott and the boys and I flew in yesterday (all day trip ~ who'da thunk it?). It was a nice trip, actually. The boys weren't horrible...and it's over...and we're here in one piece and enjoying being with my Mom & Dad...so it must not have been too bad. :)

The boys and I are here until the 22nd - lots of time for Caleb & Micah to have coffee with PaPa T and tell him how bad smoking is for him - and lots of time to try to see as many of my relatives as I can (okay, there's never enough time for THAT - with all the family I have it would take lots more time to drive around and see them all...and if they were all in one place I wouldn't want the time to end.) We're heading to Wild Water West today ~ it's HOT here, and it's not a dry heat. Tomorrow we're going to Cabela's ~ the outdoors super store/man's paradise in one building ~ and then probably up to the Laura Ingall's Wilder homestead in DeSmet, SD. The Sioux falls has a nighttime light show that we'll try to get to either tonight or tomorrow, and then Friday we'll hopefully head down to Norfolk, NE and see my sister and her family...I can't wait to meet my grand-nephew, Isaiah! Hard to believe I'm (such) a Great Aunt! (teehee!) Then, on Saturday afternoon Scott heads back to Vancouver (where it's hot, but not hot).

THEN the FUN begins! Woo-Hoo!! Ideas on the agenda are: Kansas City to see my cousins, David & Joel and their families; ValleyFair in Minnesota so the boys can ride the kiddie roller coaster I rode as a kid; Going to the Omaha Zoo with Jamie, Shelley, Sophie & Allie; and Hanging out and taking it easy with PaPa and MaMa T. Hmmm...not enough time. :)

I hope you all have a bit of an opportunity to relax and enjoy the summer. Like I said to Dad last night at 12:30 (okay it was this morning) when he was saying he could go for ride in the PT Cruiser convertible we rented some other time....THERE'S NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT TO START ENJOYING LIFE! (and, yes, I wanted that to be louder...not an actual yell, but loud ;) )

Take care...and drop a comment about your favorite thing to do in the summer time...I need some ideas to add to my list. *grin*

Happy Father's Day!

Hi there! Happy Father's Day! If you're not a Father you came from one, so happy day to you, too. (*wink!*) There are four Fathers I want to honor tonight ~ and in so doing I will hopefully honor more than the four I mention because every Father has laid foundational stones in the lives of their children. And that means, whether they think so or not, there were some positive stones laid as well. Of the four Fathers I mention tonight I would venture to say there are/were more positive than negative, but even friends who have heart-wrenching memories of the negative stones laid by their Father still can point to some positives they laid as well. So thank you for allowing me to publicly honor those I love and have the honor myself of knowing them as Fathers...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This past Tuesday night I was driving home from the music studio where I teach one day a week listening to a CD by Barbara Rainey (http://www.familylifetoday.com) about what being a Godly wife looks like and thinking about the kind of night Scott had with the boys. It never fails that I have similar visions as in "Twas the Night Before Christmas" where the children are snuggled sound in their beds with visions of a really great, fun and laughter-filled night of wrestling with Daddy dancing in their heads. Of course, that's what I pray & hope for ~ a night of mutual fun and laughter between Daddy & his boys, but it is rarely the case. Too often than not I come home to find a bedraggled Scott slumped in the corner of the couch gazing at Sports Center in a rather stupefied state while all around it looks like mayhem, chaos and a general disaster zone. As I walk inside I will sometimes hear from the (now) still, quiet southern corner of the house, "Mommy! You're Home!" and wonder why the boys are still awake at 10:00 at night...and when I ask Scott how his night was all I will get in return was, "it was a night." And as I'm driving down the street wondering what will greet me at the door tonight it dawned on me...the jobs I have, no matter how demanding, frustrating, and exhausting they may be, will never be as stressful and difficult as Scott's is as a Husband, Father, employee and child of God. It hit me smack dab between the eyes and it was if a light of understanding, no, make that a spotlight of understanding, was illuminated in front of me.

You see, as much as I envy Scott the ability to go to work and come home from work I will not understand the weight of responsibility that simple act carries with it. And as much as I sometimes complain about his unwillingness to "step up" and lead (or should I say, lead the way I would lead?) I will never have to stand before God and answer for the role I played in being the Spiritual head of my family. As the boys grow up and walk on the road to puberty and eventually manhood I will not be the one who will have the responsibility of modeling for them how a man should treat a woman in the way God has defined. (yes, I play a role within that area, but they will not look at how I treat other women and say, "oh! that's how I should treat my female friend/ date/ girlfriend/ fiancee/ spouse!) I do not carry the weight of having to "be a man" when I feel like crying over the losses I will experience in life. I do not carry the weight of tamping down my natural reactions to a girl on the street who has chosen to disregard her own self-respect by dressing a bit too provocatively in order to keep my life pure in an area all too easy to hide from the outside. I do not carry the weight of being a Godly Son, Husband, Father and Man in the year 2005 ~ nor will I ever. For that I am grateful, and because of that I am moved to a greater respect and admiration for the men in my life who do carry that weight and do it with a tremendous amount of humility.

It started with my Daddy ~ yes, at 35 he's still my Daddy. I remember walking down the corridors of the Sioux Empire Mall in Sioux Falls side by side when I was a bumbling 13 year old and he reached out and put his hand around the back of my neck as we walked. He made a joke about it and kind of "jerked" me around as we walked, but what it said to me was that no matter what changes I go through I'll always be his girl and he loved me no matter what. And, of course, it was in every time I did something he was proud of and he choked up (probably much like he's doing right now) and made some smart-aleck comment about me being a little turd (which, in Tooley-speak means "I love you, you little shit!" sorry if that offends you...it's truly a term of endearment and it makes me laugh just knowing I actually typed that in my blog! LOL!) Yeah, my Dad's the best Dad in the whole wide world!

Of course, if you were to ask Caleb & Micah who's the best Daddy in the world they wouldn't say PaPa T or PaPa Pete - nope, they'd say "DADDY!" And I'd have to agree with their answer, too. I remember the first time Scott thought he was going to be a Daddy. I wrote about it in my Mother's Day entry, but it truly is not a memory I will ever forget. The look of rapturous joy that crossed his face was absolutely priceless. It was similar to the look of pure, undefiled awe he wore the morning of November 25, 1999 when he looked at his drugged-out wife on the operating table in Whittier hospital and choked out, "honey, we have a little boy." Which, in turn, was somewhat like that moment on June 5, 2002 in the operating room at Mercy Medical Center when he gleefully grinned at me after seeing Micah for the first time. Scott, you are the kind of Father I want my boys to look up to. YOU are the right man for this job, and I am honored to stand beside you and help you be the Father God made you to be. I love you.

And, Pete, I can't write about great Fathers without saying thank you to you, too, for being the kind of Father who would raise a son like Scott. Your continual support and encouragement of him and of us is greatly appreciated and simply not taken for granted. I am thankful that Scott has not only a great Father in you, but a great Friend as well.

You've probably figured out who the fourth Father is ~ and, really, I have to say He is the perfect Father. As I open my Bible to the Psalm in today's reading I open it to Psalm 136 and I'm struck with just how awesome He is. You see, the fact that He knows everything about my past, present & future; knows every thought, word and deed I have ever had or did and still loves me for me is overwhelming in and of itself. However, when you put on top of it the fact that He knows I will never be fulfilled, content and complete outside of Him so He put on a robe of human-ness to give me the opportunity to be all of those things is completely mind-boggling. And not only that, but... He doesn't hold grudges, doesn't discipline in anger, allows the perfect consequence to teach the lesson every time, comforts when comfort is needed, strengthens when strength is called for, gives wisdom when asked for it, forgives without question, loves unconditionally, creates incredible things of beauty just for enjoyment's sake, laughs with and delights in those things He creates, consistently looks on His creation with patience and not irritation, freely gives grace & mercy to those who truly don't deserve it, takes vengeance when it is necessary, never gives up or leaves, and IS ALWAYS VICTORIOUS! Those who don't know Him may call Him a crutch. You may say He is more like an electric fence or bark-collar waiting to zap you when you've messed up. You may say He is many of the lies we hear regularly about Him, but it doesn't make it so.

If you want to know who The Perfect Father really is...read this: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20103&version=65,
this: http://www.anchorlife.org/html/chara_toc.htm
or this: http://www.needhim.org/

And so I come full circle - the reason the three earthly Father's are who they are is simply because they know they are made by The Perfect Father. My prayer for each of them, and for each of you, too, is that you will know the Perfect Father and find in Him the life He created you for - life eternal with Him.

Happy Father's Day! God bless!
(and here's a little bit of history for ya...)

(from the website holidays.net)

Father's Day, contrary to popular misconception, was not established as a holiday in order to help greeting card manufacturers sell more cards. In fact when a "father's day" was first proposed there were no Father's Day cards!

Mrs. John B. Dodd, of Washington, first proposed the idea of a "father's day" in 1909. Mrs. Dodd wanted a special day to honor her father, William Smart. William Smart, a Civil War veteran, was widowed when his wife (Mrs. Dodd's mother) died in childbirth with their sixth child. Mr. Smart was left to raise the newborn and his other five children by himself on a rural farm in eastern Washington state. It was after Mrs. Dodd became an adult that she realized the strength and selflessness her father had shown in raising his children as a single parent.
The first Father's Day was observed on June 19, 1910 in Spokane Washington. At about the same time in various towns and cities across American other people were beginning to celebrate a "father's day." In 1924 President Calvin Coolidge supported the idea of a national Father's Day. Finally in 1966 President Lyndon Johnson signed a presidential proclamation declaring the 3rd Sunday of June as Father's Day.

Father's Day has become a day to not only honor your father, but all men who act as a father figure. Stepfathers, uncles, grandfathers, and adult male friends are all honored on Father's Day.

When fear hits

Lately it seems that many people I know are hitting some pretty hard places in their lives. Even now as I write I'm blinking back tears trying not to let my mind wander to what could be possible, but instead focus on the known. That's what fear is, isn't it? When we let our minds focus on what could be possible rather than focusing on the known? I'm tired of fear having such power in my life. Fear holds me back from telling someone I care about them in case they react the wrong way. Fear holds me back from pursuing goals and dreams because I might fail. Fear holds me back from actually engaging in life because something may happen to someone I love and then I'll be struck with a sadness at times too great to bear. Fear holds me back from letting my children find out who they are because there are bad people in the world and what if something happened to one of my boys ~ how could I live? Fear, unhealthy fear, the fear that comes from letting your mind go to what could be possible rather than focusing on the known is nothing but evil trying to get a foot-hold and keep you from being who God made you to be.

I know - some of you are reading this and you're thinking, "but, Trayc, fear is not always a bad thing." I know! Good fear keeps me from walking down a dark alley in the middle of the night (or broad daylight) so I can be safer. Good fear keeps me from walking away from my faith when God doesn't make sense/I can't find the ability to trust Him right now because He IS still God and I don't want to be a pile of salt. Good fear keeps me from sending the boys off to play in the park without instruction to stay where I can see them at all times. Yes, there is good fear. I'm not talking about that today, though.

No, today I'm talking about the kind of fear that just pisses me off because I'm so sick of the way satan tries to get in there and fool us into thinking God's not really on our side and that He's not really in control. I hate that he convinces people that God isn't really who He says He is and that we believe him because we're afraid he might be right. I hate that that slimy, slithering yuck gets into our heads and gets us to believe that he is more powerful than God and if we don't worry about something then he's going to win. HE WILL NOT WIN ON GOD'S WATCH! And, just so you know...GOD'S WATCH IS ETERNAL!

Two weeks ago we had an incident in our church that, unfortunately, is too familiar. One of our pastors was found to have crossed some boundaries with female members of the group he was a pastor to. (before you immediately think he was a child molester or had an affair let me be clear that neither of those were the case...he allowed these girls to think of him more as a boyfriend than as a pastor. Why do we immediately jump to the worst and then dismiss the lesser, but equally sinful, breaches in boundaries as if they're no big deal? ANYway...)

Thankfully our head pastor didn't do that and there had to be an announcement every church hates to hear..."because of his choices he has resigned and will no longer be in leadership at this church." (notice he didn't say he was no longer welcome nor did he say he will no longer be with us. Instead, our pastor said the pastor in question is most certainly welcome at our church because our requirement to come into a church is to be a sinner ~ something we all qualify highly for ~ and because this is a place to find healing and help and hope...why wouldn't he and his family be welcome? They are more welcome now than ever before.)

Although it isn't criminal in nature, this event has had an impact on many people in our church.

Then, this last Saturday night we had a special speaker come to our young families group and speak to us about how we as parents can help prevent abuse in our children's lives. He speaks all over the US to teens and children about depression and suicide and safety, as well as to the parents about prevention and training in what to teach your children to keep them safe(r). That was a tough talk to sit through. That's a fear I hate because I have seen too many incidences of what that reality does. It can be a healthy fear, but it's a fine-line between healthy and unhealthy in my mind.

And then, Michael Jackson. 'nuff said.

And then, and then, and then. The list goes on. So many friends and extended family members looking at life and circumstances they are in wondering what will happen next. Of course our minds go naturally to the worst. Fear. Fear. Fear.

I just got a phone call and a circumstance I never thought I'd have to look at could possibly be. Instead of letting my mind go there (I'd be a basket case and can't afford that right now) I grabbed my wireless keyboard and started writing. (explanation for a possible randomness to this entry) So, in case some of you are facing fear, I thought I'd share my process in hopes that someone else's fears may be subsided in the truth as well. Here are some verses, quotes, thoughts and truths to set my fears running back to where they belong....

"Looking in the mirror in the light of the truth, there is nothing you can say and nothing you can do that will ever make God care more than He does for His treasure...God's treasure is YOU."
-Steven Curtis Chapman Treasure of You

"We have nothing to fear but fear itself."
-President Franklin D. Roosevelt

1Then the LORD answered Job from the whirlwind: "Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorant words? Brace yourself, because I have some questions for you, and you must answer them.- Job 38:2 & 3
(then read the rest of 38 here... http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Job%2038&version=51)

"In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But You remain the same, and your years will never end."
-Psalm 102: 26 & 27

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil, for YOU ARE WITH ME; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
- Psalm 23: 1-4

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him."
-I Corinthians 2: 9

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."
- 2 Corinthians 4: 8 & 9

"Fear nothing in the things you're about to suffer--but stay on guard! Fear nothing! The Devil is about to throw you in jail for a time of testing--ten days. It won't last forever. "Don't quit, even if it costs you your life. Stay there believing. I have a Life-Crown sized and ready for you. "
-Revelation 2:10

"I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!"
-John 16:33

"However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me - the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."
-Acts 20:24

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in time of trouble. Therefore, we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. The Lord Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress."
-Psalm 46: 1- 3, 11

"Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
-Psalm 42: 11

Thanks for reading. I know my heart is at a much a slower rate than it was 15 minutes ago. I hope yours is, too.

Everyone needs to laugh more...

Okay, this isn't a real questionnaire, but it's really quite funny! So, for this post, I'm just gonna share this with ya so you can enjoy a good laugh, too.... here goes...the beginning part is what was originally included in the message to make it seem real...click on the link above to check out some other funny hoaxes....ENJOY!


This was actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas web site by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humor. The company, of course, does not (have a sense of humor) - and made the web department take it down immediately. (McDonnell Douglas is one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft).

Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other

First Name:
Initial:
Last Name:

Password: (max 8. char)
Code name:
Latitude/Longitude/Altitude: / /

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?
[_] F-14 Tomcat
[_] F-15 Eagle
[_] F-16 Falcon
[_] F-117A Stealth
[_] Classified

3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): / /

4. Serial Number:

5. Please check where this product was purchased:
[_] Received as gift/aid package
[_] Catalog showroom
[_] Independent arms broker
[_] Mail order
[_] Discount store
[_] Government surplus
[_] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:
[_] Heard loud noise, looked up
[_] Store display
[_] Espionage
[_] Recommended by friend/relative/ally
[_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
[_] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
[_] Style/appearance
[_] Speed/maneuverability
[_] Price/value
[_] Comfort/convenience
[_] Kickback/bribe
[_] Recommended by salesperson
[_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
[_] Advanced Weapons Systems
[_] Backroom politics
[_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:
[_] North America
[_] Iraq
[_] Iraq
[_] Aircraft carrier
[_] Iraq
[_] Europe
[_] Iraq
[_] Middle East (not Iraq)
[_] Iraq
[_] Africa
[_] Iraq
[_] Asia/Far East
[_] Iraq
[_] Misc. Third World countries
[_] Iraq
[_] Classified
[_] Iraq

9. Please check the products that you currently own or intend to purchase in the near future: [_] Color TV
[_] VCR
[_] ICBM
[_] Killer Satellite
[_] CD Player
[_] Air-to-Air Missiles
[_] Space Shuttle
[_] Home Computer
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10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply)
[_] Communist/Socialist
[_] Terrorist
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[_] Democratic
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11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
[_] Deficit spending
[_] Cash
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[_] Personal check
[_] Credit card
[_] Ransom money
[_] Traveler's check

12. Your occupation:
[_] Homemaker
[_] Sales/marketing
[_] Revolutionary
[_] Clerical
[_] Mercenary
[_] Tyrant
[_] Middle management
[_] Eccentric billionaire
[_] Defense Minister/General
[_] Retired
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13. To help us understand our customers' lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:
[_] Golf
[_] Boating/sailing
[_] Sabotage
[_] Running/jogging
[_] Propaganda/disinformation
[_] Destabilization/overthrow
[_] Default on loans
[_] Gardening
[_] Crafts
[_] Black market / smuggling
[_] Collectibles / collections
[_] Watching sports on TV
[_] Wines
[_] Interrogation/torture
[_] Household pets
[_] Crushing rebellions
[_] Espionage/reconnaissance
[_] Fashion clothing
[_] Border disputes
[_] Mutually Assured Destruction

Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division

Searching

"Search for the Lord and for His strength, and keep searching." Psalm 105:4

Today at our MOMS group I found out that one of the moms at our table, who is pregnant, will have to go in on Monday for a blood transfusion. Not for herself, for her baby. We were talking about making it through the chaos, and she spoke up to share some of the trials they've gone through. My immediate reaction was fear. Fear for the baby. Fear for her. Fear for her two little boys who are exactly Caleb & Micah's ages. Fear for her husband. Fear for her marriage. Fear for her faith. And, ashamedly, fear that I wouldn't have the guts to pray for her right then and there.

When I was pregnant with Caleb I worked at our church in Whittier, CA. I absolutely loved working there. In fact, I was rather sad when I had to tell Pastor Bill that I was pregnant and would be leaving after the baby was born. (Then we ended up getting transferred...I wonder if that wasn't to keep me from going back...) Anyway, in the office I was surrounded by beautiful Christian women who were Moms and liked to celebrate with me the anticipation of a new baby in our lives. One particular woman taught me a valuable lesson. Her name was Kathy and she was the Women's Ministries pastor. Every time she sat next to me, no matter where we were, if we prayed she laid her hand on my belly and I knew she was praying for the child growing inside of me right along with the spoken prayer. At times like that fear of the unknown, anxiety over what was to come, whatever pent-up feelings I had over being a Mom simply melted away and instead I was filled with the peace that passes all understanding.

I have feared for my child's life while they were in utero, and I have experienced the pain of childbirth gone wrong...personally on a much lesser level than the experience of friends I love deeply...and in times like this morning those feelings come in and they cloud over me like a heavy veil. Then I run across a verse like Psalm 116: 1-2 which reads, "I love the Lord because He hears and answers my prayers. Because He bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath." There was a time in my life ~ when I was single and had no one else to talk to more often than not ~ that I went through my day in a sort of constant conversation with God. I am reminded of that now, I believe, because it's time to get back to that discipline.

Is there something you used to do that you have simply drifted away from? Is it something that would bring spark and flame back to your relationship with Christ in an area of your relationship that is smoldering or even cold? Will you walk with me into that challenge of re-discovering that habit...discipline...commitment? Right now Scott is waiting for me to finish this so we can pray over Caleb's schooling choice. In this time in our world education choices, I believe, cannot be made blindly. As Caleb nears Kindergarten and Micah nears three I find the need to return to "dating" my first love...no, to fully committing my heart and soul, future and family into His hands daily...hourly...minute-by-minute.

I'm Shot!

The Bible says that a "greater love hath no man than this: that he lay down his life for his friends." I believe that the parental version is this: "greater pain hath no parent than this: that they have to hold down their small child for three big shots."

Now, I know...she hasn't experienced the half of the pain if that's what she thinks...but today, for me, it is absolute truth. Caleb & Micah both had Dr's appointments today. It was one of those "Oh, Lord, I hope I made the right decision about this doctor..." kind of appointments. This was the first time we've been to him and, to be perfectly honest, under my strong and confident exterior was a Mom who was really wondering on the way to the clinic if she'd made the right choice. I've been to Dr's who have not a care in the world for what the patient thinks and I find it difficult enough when it's me I'm having to defend...I can take quite a bit before I get testy ...but these are my babies we're talking about now! Mr. or Ms. or Mrs. Dr. who doesn't want to take seriously the concerns of MaMa Duck ain't getting too far into the little pond, if ya know what I mean! I'll have those little ducklings to another Dr. faster than you can shake a tale feather! (okay...enough of the cheesy animal analogies!)

SO, ANYWAY... We got to the clinic, checked in, handed the receptionist all our paperwork and sat and waited a while. (not too long since we were the first on the books for today...yea!) We went back to the little room and the nurse had some forms for me to sign and yada-yada-yada. The boys were themselves ~ active and curious ~ and I was hoping this was going to be a relatively quick morning appointment. In by 8:15...out by 9:30. yeah. right. The Dr. came in and he was very nice. (whew! Thank You, Jesus!) He has three boys of his own and is very understanding of parental concerns and questions. As we talked about Caleb's allergies and Micah's endless green nose all fears I had about the decision I made were laid to rest.

So, as I said earlier - both boys had to get shots. Caleb simply had to get his 5 year old shots (he's 5 1/2) and Micah hadn't had shots since his 9 month check up. (I KNOW! I beat myself up enough for all of us so just don't say it!) :) Thankfully at three years old you don't get any shots so he simply had to play catch-up. Caleb was first up to bat. After his eye test and all the typical checks - ears, nose, throat, etc. - on both boys the Dr. left and Nurse Meanie Pants came in with these two innocent looking plastic tubs. She carried weapons of terror in those tubs. They were long and rather innocuous looking tubes, but on the ends were needles at least 10 inches long! No, seriously. I didn't look at them because I hate needles (don't ever tell my boys that!) until she was getting ready to stab my oldest child and then it was a quick glance as I prayed desperately that it wouldn't hurt for some odd reason ~ surely God would have mercy on my child and take the pain away, wouldn't He? I told Caleb it would just prick a bit and then it would be over (was that a lie?) and then I asked him to name all the brave people he could think of. Now, I was hoping to hear things like "Daddy, Mommy, PaPa Pete, PaPa T, etc. etc. etc." However, I took it all in stride as he began his litany of superheroes..."Superman, Bibleman, Spiderman, LarryBoy..." (yeah, I have to agree...there's something odd about hearing a talking cucumber be referred to as brave...but, hey! He's five!) So, the first one went in and his lip quivered and he said "ow"a lot but he held it together. "Way to go, Bubber! You did it! You were as brave as Superman! Okay...let's look over here now...don't look at the needles...look at me. Who else is brave?" Just as he started to say "well, Spiderman is brave" she jabbed that saber into the back of his upper left arm and he jumped and started to WAIL. Oh, my. Houston, we have a problem.

When he jumped the nurse jabbed the needle a bit and then tried again - not good - that immunization was ruined. After what seemed like 15 minutes but was probably more like 2 he was calming down as we prayed for extra courage to finish his shots. Earlier, when we were talking about getting shots he was initially saying he didn't want any shots. I reminded him that in order to go to Kindergarten he had to have his shots. Ah! Mother of the Year Award! I said the magic words that made it all worthwhile! Well, after Nurse Wicked-Witch-of-the-West practically amputated my sons arm I reminded him of it again in the form of a question..."Caleb, do you want to go to Kindergarten in the fall?" Now, what child in their right mind would answer affirmative to that question after being stabbed? Thank God my child has a brain! His immediate response was a firm and decisive shake of the head. Take the award back...words are just words. The nurse had to leave to get a new needle of the immunization that ended up leaving two big bruises and lots of blood on my sons arm and when she came back in I was in position. She stood behind him as I cradled my left arm around his head and pressed him lovingly to me (while firmly keeping his right arm immobile) and held his left hand with mine telling him to squeeze my hand if it started to hurt again. Nurse I-have-the-worst-job-in-the-world wasn't as mean so much as she was praying she wouldn't shake as she stabbed my poor innocent baby again, and within 30 seconds both shots were in, Caleb was wailing again, and I was fighting not to join him. Ah, one down, one to go.

Micah was next. Now, before the nurse (she really was not mean at all...) came into the room I was contemplating how to do the shots. Caleb tends to be a bit more dramatic in his reactions to things (I have tried to figure out where that comes from!) but Micah is younger so I was trying to decide who could be the "tough role model" for the other guy. Well, of course, Caleb was the logical choice, but after his experience I was understandably worried about Micah's response to his turn. Thankfully his shots would all be on his left thigh and I could sit down and hold him on my lap for his shots. However, we don't call Micah "Bam-Bam" because he's a little girly-man! I was in for another fight and struggle as I put his legs between mine and held his hands in mine and wrapped my arms around him so his arms formed a make-shift straight-jacket. Nurse I'm-praying-this-one-goes-better was armed and ready and went Bam! Bam! Bam! on my little angel's leg as he cried and screamed and fought to be free. Within 45 seconds the entire ordeal was over and other than two little boys laying on the floor acting like they'd just been run over by a Mack truck and my own eyes fighting back the urge to spill forth everything was A-Okay.

I had promised the boys breakfast after their shots - their choice - so after filling a couple prescriptions we were off to Krispy Kreme. We really should have headed to Red Robin or something since it was closer to lunch than breakfast, but why not? We all just endured a traumatic moment in our lives and why not put them on a sugar high and give those immunizations something to work against? :) I don't remember the last time we had donuts and I really don't care what anyone thinks ~ those boys deserved some sweetness in their lives today. *wink & grin* And, yes, if we were in Texas we wouldn't have gone to Krispy Kreme, Aunt Mary! :)

I feel like I should go warm up the Karaoke machine with a Gloria Gaynor tune (she sang, "I will survive" for those of you unfamiliar with the disco era), but instead I think I'm going to go warm up my side of the bed. Before I go, though, remember this: You can do all things through Christ's strength ~ I'm living testimony to that today! If it weren't for Him I would've been on the floor with the boys wailing over the pain of life right along with 'em. Goodnight...

Kindergarten

Today was the Kindergarten Open House at Caleb's Elementary School. Scott and Caleb & I all went together (I'm really glad Scott's job allows that kind of flexibility in his schedule that he was able to attend...I know Caleb wouldn't have felt as confident as he did if Scott hadn't been there). After dropping Micah off at a friend's house we drove to the school in a bit of anticipatory silence. It was obvious that Caleb was excited...he was just taking it all in and looking ahead to where we were going and what was coming next. Scott and I were a bit more solemnly quiet. I don't know if we were in the same place mentally ~ I tend to doubt it but you never know.

I was in the place of thinking I wish I was one of those "on top of it" kind of Moms who knows where everything is in their house and doesn't need to take time to stop and think about where they put that so they'd know where it was when they needed it. (This is one of those times when I think Scott probably was thinking the same thing I was...he wishes I was that kind of Mom many times, too! :) Thankfully they have that in him and I can step in the for the spontaneous fun stuff ~ we balance each other well.) Yes, as you can probably guess from what I was thinking it dawned on me at the last minute that I needed another form for his registration and although I know exactly where it is I need a key to get to it...and it's the key I cannot find at this moment. UGH!!!!! So, after telling myself NOT to believe the voice in my head telling me exactly what they thought of my orginizational skills I began to think about this whole Kindergarten thing.....

I remember very little of Kindergarten except Mrs. Van der Aarte and the really cool wooden kitchen with little sink and refrigerator and shelves we got to play with. I didn't like the stove then either. :) I remember Mrs. Van der Aarte had blonde hair that she wore in a really high beehive ~ of course, I was probably all of two feet tall so it probably wasn't that high ~ and she was pretty and smiled a lot. She was really OLD, too!! I swear she was probably as old as Mom and Dad!! I remember she made us feel safe and she read great stories to us and I remember walking all the way down the really long hall in South Sioux School to her classroom feeling like I was such a big girl. And I'm almost positive I cried on the first day. I'm pretty positive I did because I seem to remember Mom putting on that strong but gentle Mom face and telling me I'll be okay and walking away before it got really hard to leave.

The strange thing is I don't remember Kindergarten being a really academic year. Maybe it was, but to me (and this is so surprising knowing how serious I am) it was just a really great time to play with my friends! Okay, if Scott were standing beside me he'd groan and say, "oh, brother!" Hmmm....I seem to remember most of my school years being exactly that ~ a great time to play with my friends and learn something in the process.

Caleb seems to be that way. He had no trouble walking down the hall talking the big student's head off; his teacher said he had a good time and had lots to share...and when we went on our bus ride after our meetings were over and the bus driver lady asked if there were any questions Caleb was the only one to raise his hand. Yup. The only one. Time kind of stood still for Scott & I as Caleb told the bus driver (and the entire bus) that "sometimes my dog likes to eat dirt." Polite chuckles and chuckles that said, "thank God that wasn't my kid!" flittered about the tinny interior of the bright yellow school bus as the bus driver smiled and lovingly responded to a child's innocent statement. Any worries I had about whether he was gonna make it kind of drifted away.

Yes, Caleb will do okay. It's his Mom I'm a bit worried about...

Mommy

I am the mother of four children. Yes, you read that correctly ~ FOUR. This post is an open letter to each of them. As I look forward to celebrating Mother's Day with two of my four children I am filled with what it means to be a "Mom," and the desire to do it to the very best of my ability. At times I think I fail miserably. At times I think I should be awarded the Mother of the Year award. All the time I wonder how I could ever live my life not knowing this incredibly demanding, rewarding, frustrating, incredible and challenging time of my life.

Dear Sophie, my first child, my sweet little girl, how precious you are! For months I talked to you before you were born knowing you were going to be a beautiful little girl ~ and now I look at you and I am in wonder and awe over just how beautiful you really are. Not only on the outside, sweetie, but on the inside, too. When your Mommy tells me about how friendly you are and how you have such a heart for Jesus I know my prayers were all heard while I carried you in my tummy. I prayed continually that you would know peace and joy in your life...God is so good to give you so much of both in such abundance!
Soph, never could I imagine life without knowing you. I pray constantly for you even now ~ that you would have above all else a peace knowing you are loved by so many and that you would never doubt my love for you. The greatest gift I have been given came when I was carrying you inside of me. Without you in my life my relationship with Jesus would not be what it is today. Thank you, dear Sophie, for being the gift God used to change my life for the best. My gift to you on this day is a Bible verse that makes me think of you and that I pray for you... it just seems to fit you. :) Psalm 18: 28 - 30 "Lord, You have brought light to my life; my God, you light up my darkness. In Your strength I can crush an army; with my God I can scale any wall. As for God, His way is perfect. All the Lord's promises prove true. He is a shield for all who look to Him for protection." You are strong and beautiful, Sophie and I love you, sweetheart. With all my heart I love you. I am proud to be your Tummy Mommy.

Dear Little One, the one I'll never know on this earth. The day I found out I was carrying you inside of me I wanted to sing praises, jump up and down and shout it from the mountaintops. Instead I went to Babies R Us and put together a very special package for your Daddy. I'll never forget the look on his face when he came into our bedroom and saw that Winnie the Pooh diaper bag sitting on the bed. He was so confused! And as he opened it and pulled out a bib and a blanket and a rattle and some other things it began to dawn on him that we were going to be a family. You couldn't have wiped the smile off his face if you had tried. For the next two weeks we looked forward with hope in who you would be. There are some who would say that wasn't enough time to know you and to become attached to being your Mommy, but anyone who has been through a situation like it knows that just isn't true. I look forward to meeting you one day. Until then, have fun with Jesus and your cousins and know I will never forget you and the joy you brought for a very short time. I love you. Psalm 30: 11-12 "You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to You and never be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You thanks forever!" Until we meet in heaven...

Dear Caleb, My Bubber, what an incredible little man you are! At five years old I am continually amazed at how smart you are. You can wrap your mind around a difficult concept and make it make sense to Micah (and to me!) in such a way that it makes me think you are much older than you are. And yet, the very next minute you may ask me to help you tie your shoes or pour your milk and I am brought back to the reality that you are still my very big little boy. Caleb, do you know what I love most about you? Your heart. I love to hear you pray for your friends each night ~ even the friends who aren't exactly the nicest to you ~ that God will be with them and keep them safe and help them to know how much He loves them (in your words..."even when they are mean.") I never knew I could love someone so much who could bring such a clarity to all of my bad qualities! :) You bring out both the best and the worst in me, my sweet boy, and I thank you for accepting me for me. For telling me when I come to you and ask for forgiveness for yelling instead of dealing that you love me like Jesus loves me and that you won't hold it against me is a gift, Caleb. I love to watch you ~ today at the park as you rounded up all the kids and led them into the chore of picking up pine cones and filling the holes of the tree I heard you say, "good job, team! You did it! Now, on to the next thing!" and they all followed you over to the play structure where pinecones became money in the makeshift store. You will make a great leader someday, Caleb. My constant prayer for you is found in the Bible in the story of the Caleb you are named after. The first part of Numbers 14:24 tells what kind of man he was..."But my servant Caleb has a different spirit. He follows me with his whole heart..." Hold on to Jesus with all of your might, Bubber, only He will never fail you, and when you keep your heart focused on Him He will make your paths straight. I love you, Caleb ~ You truly are my sunshine!

Dear Micah, the boy with the golden smile! How you can make me laugh, little one! At almost three years old you are the epitome of the youngest child. You insist on doing it yourself, you love to follow your big brother and do all that he is doing, you make people laugh with your wit and your antics, and you love to be right smack dab in the middle of it all. I have loved watching you grow up, Micah. Being your Mommy has changed my life ~ in so many ways. You have taught me that life is worth living even when it's not quite what you expected. And, yes, you have so much of your Daddy in you that when it's not what you expected you will make it what it was supposed to be! Today on our walk you wanted to fix all the little things you saw that were out of place. The crack in the trail...that simply should not be there, Mom! The cigarette butt on the sidewalk outside someone's house...oooh! Mom, this isn't supposed to be here! You make me think of that television character I love so much, Monk. Your shoes have to be lined up just so if you're going to put them away, but when you're playing with the bean-pot in the playroom it doesn't matter if they're all over the floor. You are so multi-faceted and as you get older I enjoy seeing the character God has made you to be. You, too, will touch many lives, Micah and I pray that the words from the Prophet you were named after will be the motto of your life, "The Lord has shown you what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8. I love you, Micah ~ more than I could ever put into words, I love you.

And finally...if I could end this post with a special letter to a very special lady who taught me in so many different ways what a Mom is....

Dear Mom, do you realize how beautiful you are? I mean it. Do you know you are beautiful? You are beautiful on the outside ~ pretty smile and eyes and just plain beautiful. And you are beautiful on the inside. I remember many days growing up seeing your heart spill out your eyes as your desire to raise children who love God with their whole hearts seemed to not be working out like you wanted it to. The pain of knowing your hearts deepest desire may very well not become reality was overwhelming at times as you struggled with each one of us ~ Tami, Todd and me. And yet you never gave up on that prayer. You never stopped loving us or loving God or respecting Dad.

And speaking of Dad...I've never heard you say anything degrading about Dad, Mom. You may have shown your frustration over something he was doing, but you never put words to it. That is powerful to someone like me who is much too free with her criticism and judgements of people. I long to be like you in that area. Thank you for that model in my life.

Mom, do you realize you were a "love and logic" mom before Jim Fay or Foster Cline ever thought of writing a book? I remember fighting with Todd and you made us sit in kitchen chairs with our knees touching until we could look at each other and apologize and tell each other we loved each other...and MEAN it! You allowed consequences to be natural...and many times painful knowing they were often the best teachers. Thank you, too, for that model. You knew that out of pain can come character and wisdom...two things that really can't be taught. In my deepest pain, though, you never let me think there was anything wrong with me. (now, to back up the bus here a bit I have to say before my deepest pain you wondered many times what was wrong with me, but when it mattered.... *grin!*) When I was five months pregnant and unmarried and it was a Saturday night you did something powerful in my life that was simply you being you. You came downstairs and asked if I'd like to go to church with you in the morning. I don't remember if you verbalized it, but it was clear that you knew it would be difficult and you wouldn't blame me for not wanting to go but that if I did you wouldn't be embarassed to have me go with you. I knew you loved me for me that day. Thank you.

Mom, I haven't been an easy child for you to raise. We're so very different from each other in so many ways and yet alike enough to butt heads like the best of them. You felt pushed out many days and I felt pushed on, but today, on Mother's Day, 2005 I want to stand before all who are reading this and let them know that I am blessed to have YOU, Lucy, as my Mom. I arise and call you blessed, "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" I love you, Mom.

Love,
Trayc

It's hard to say goodbye

I'm ending this post with a devotional from the "Homeword Crew" again. (Jim Burns) If you'd like to check out their website just click on the title of this post. ("It's hard to say goodbye")

Three years ago this summer three things happened that have kind of changed the way I look at life. Two of them have crept back up on me recently so if you'll indulge me I'd like to share with you some insights and heartaches I've gained through them. I'll apologize in advance if I take a lot of your time. Reading in stages is completely understandable! :)

#1 ~ our youngest son, Micah Scott, was born on June 5. Micah's birth was a scheduled C-section so there were no surprises there. The fact that he was a boy was not a surprise ~ thankfully I had learned that earlier in the pregnancy and was able to go through a bit of a grieving process before he was born. You see, I long for a little girl to have tea with and to play dress-up with and to instill in her the beauty and strength of who God made her to be. Maybe it's a desire to "do it the right way" or maybe it's just that whenever I allowed myself to wonder if I'd ever get married and have a family a little girl would be in the picture. So I grieved a bit before Micah was born. (By the way...God is so good! I am thankful beyond words that I was able to do that grieving before he was born and I was able to hold him and behold the wonder of a him in my arms just as I did with his brother...and with his sister many years earlier.)
However, the fact that a "him" was born into our family isn't what changed my life. It's the fact that HE was born into my life! You see, Caleb was a pretty easy baby. He was calm and slept well and his personality was just so sweet. Going into son #2 I figured it would be no problem. Have you noticed how sick of a sense of humor God has sometimes? I'm just kidding! It's not really sick as much as it is unbelievable. Micah as a baby was the exact opposite of Caleb. I personally think it was because I had way too many doubts about the abilites of mothers with hard babies. I didn't think they couldn't handle it, I just figured there had to be something they weren't doing that would turn the whole thing around. I know!! Hello!? Earth to Trayc! Well, God took care of that. He gave me Micah. Now, before I go on I have to say that I love this little guy with my whole heart ~ I'm simply stating facts. I also can see now the gift of that experience as I come in contact with Moms of all stages with young children. I am able to relate to them all due to the wide variety of past experiences...I know what it's like to surrender your child into God's hands and trust Him with the future...I know what it's like to have a baby who makes you look like you're a great Mom just because they're so easy...and I know what it's like to have a baby who makes you wonder if you were ever cut out to be a Mom just because they're so strong-willed. (hmmm...I wonder which one I was ~ a Caleb baby, I'm sure! LOL!)
Micah taught me that there is nothing certain in this world. There are no definites. There will always be situations where no matter what you do to change it it is what it is and that's that. There will never be anything in your future that you can say how it's going to turn out without any shadow of a doubt. There will never be another person in your life who will be the person you need them to be every time. There will never be a time when you can say "this for sure" will happen because we have planned it well and we are just so on top of it. There will never be a day when you can make your list and make sure everything on it gets done exactly as you planned. Life is too uncertain. The only thing that is constant is the love of Christ and His faithfulness. For three years I've been trying to learn and remember that. Somedays I hit it on the head. Other days it hits me on the head. Thank God for brand new tomorrows!

So on to event #2 ~ Grandma Tooley died. I can't say I was especially close to Grandma Tooley, but I admire the lady tremendously. I mean, hello! She gave birth to FIFTEEN children!!!! All hers! Not a blended family....she gave birth to fifteen children! That in and of itself is worthy of the Motherhood hall of fame in my book! As I stop and think about it for a moment most of the women in my life are women I admire. My Mom is one of the most disciplined students of the Bible I know ~ My Aunts Mary, Bess, Vera, JoAnn, Susan, Sandi and Lyn are women who I think are fun, funny, strong and world-changers I am proud to know ~ Donna, Betsy and Leslie are women of Faith I want to be like when I grow up ~ my sister...you already know how I feel about her ~ my friends Jennifer, Jennifer, Tracy & Tammy are strong and beautiful women I am proud to know ~ I don't know that I've chosen them, but I know I am surrounded by incredible women. Grandma Tooley is kind of the matriarch of the bunch. She is definitely a "Martha." With 14 kids running around there wasn't much time for coffee and coffee-cake around the table with friends. No, I suppose it was more like baking bread and making dinner in the kitchen with friends (and man, could she cook! Cook of the Week in the Sioux Falls Argus Leader in 1976). She passed on that Martha syndrome to the women in our family ~ I don't fit in too well there. I'd much rather sit at the table and hear stories and hearts speak than worry about the gravy getting lumpy-bumpy...it caused some trouble growing up...remember that word "spoiled?" :)

Okay, so how did her passing change my life? Well, the obvious is that when someone you love passes away your life changes whether you want it to or not. The not so obvious in this case is that I wasn't able to go home for her funeral. My brother was in the middle of the ocean on a Navy ship in a time of war ~ I was sitting in Redding, CA with two little boys wondering why on earth I wasn't in South Dakota with my other family members who shared the history of a beautiful woman. This is one of those situations that is what it is and that's that. I said I can't change the situation, but I didn't say it can't change me.

I no longer look at people and events as no big deal. In fact, I don't think I ever did. I believe roadblocks don't stop you from doing what you need to do, priorities do. I believe in keeping your priorities in the correct order, but I also believe you need to evaluate priorities every now and then and re-shuffle the ones from #3 on down. (#1 - God, #2 - spouse, #3 - children...and #3 gets reshuffled only when they're on their own and you need to step out and let them grow up) Therefore, I believe that even though I had just given birth to a son a few weeks earlier and my husband was traveling something could have been worked out for Caleb, Micah and me to be there where I could grieve with those who knew the lady I was grieving. I'm not whining - I'm stating facts and taking a chance of baring my heart. I guess in some way I need to write this because not being at Grandma's funeral is a regret I will have until the day I die....along with not being at my nephew's wedding that same summer. There are other regrets and none of them have anything to do with things ~ they all are regrets over not being there for someone when I had the opportunity to celebrate their life.

If you have someone you'd like to celebrate, please share it in the comments section. Just click on the underlined "comments" and a new window will pop up ~ you can leave your comment there. If you have any problems with it you can e-mail me, too. singwithtrayc@hotmail.com I'd love to sit and hear your stories and listen to your heart speak ~ celebrate someone today, honor their memory, do what you have to do to have no regrets when they're not there anymore.

Here's that devotional I mentioned at the beginning...

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Grief & Reconciliation

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. Psalm 23:1-3

We buried my dad recently. After two weeks of battling complications from surgery, his body was tired, worn out and ready to rest. It is said that there are only two things in life that are certain: death and taxes. I’d rather pay taxes today, tomorrow, and everyday than lose someone so near to my heart. If you’ve lost someone close to you, you understand this, too.

Grief and sorrow are painful links in the chain of life that bind us together. Even though we come from different generations, different ethnic groups, different socio-economic backgrounds, or different educational backgrounds, there are some things that bring us together. Sorrow and grief do just that. They are universal experiences, universal emotions. C. S. Lewis, one of the greatest theologians of modern time, penned A Grief Observed after the death of his wife. In it he says, “There is a sort of invisible blanket between the world and me. I find it hard to take in what anyone says. Or perhaps, hard to want to take it in….I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”

Grief brings with it an unbearable pain, even to believers. In his most well-known Psalm (Psalm 23), David bares his soul and expresses his devotion to God even when things around him are dark, frightening and confusing. He hangs on to the promise of the Shepherd: to look after His sheep. This picture is continued in John 10:14-15 as Jesus says, “I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me -- just as the Father knows me and I know the Father --and I lay down my life for the sheep.”

In times of grief, it is easy to feel lonely, isolated and misunderstood. We need to give ourselves permission to feel the fullness of these emotions. Even Jesus grieved over the deaths of close companions like John the Baptist and Lazarus. It’s the paradoxical truth that love is accompanied by pain. But what would life be like without the opportunity to love deeply? I was fortunate. I had many good years with my dad. Like many, we had some rough times to navigate through, but we took the time to heal some deep wounds and to renew a relationship that ended with no regrets.

Perhaps you are hurting today. Have sorrow and grief replaced the joy you shared in a relationship with someone? Why not make today a day of reconciliation? Yes, you may have to put aside your pride, admit your own wrongs and take responsibility. Or you may need to lovingly confront someone who has hurt you. Today is a new day and a new opportunity to begin again. Perhaps the person you need to forgive, or need forgiveness from, is already gone. Take some time and write a letter, granting forgiveness or asking for it. God has a way of transcending time and bringing healing even when the person is no longer present.

There is no better time than today. Live your life with no regrets. Love deeply. Forgive often.

GOING DEEPER:
1. Make a list of those with whom you need reconciliation. Begin today to restore relationships.
2. Who needs to hear the words, “I love you,” from you today? Start today and tell them every time you see them.
3. Maybe you need to grieve today. Set aside some time to feel the fullness of your emotions and allow God to be your healer.

FURTHER READING:Psalm 23; John 10: 1-18; Psalm 13

This devotional was written by Leslie Snyder.

12,000!!!

How many babies were born to girls 15 and under in 1996? The answer is my title~ 12,000!!! I chose a low number ~ 1,000 ~ thinking maybe it should have been the next possible answer (5,000), but I was shocked when I scored my test and the actual answer is 12,000!!!!!

If you'd like to know more about what's going on with today's youth, and find out how you can help make a difference in those whose lives you touch, go to the link posted above. (click on the "12,000!!!") Scott & I have purposely removed most of the opportunities for our boys to watch TV just for the sake of watching TV. We have videos they watch (Veggie Tales, McGee & Me, Adventures in Odyssey) whenever they want to watch a movie, as well as movies (The Incredibles, Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang, Herbie the Love Bug series, etc) when we say that's okay, too. However, we've unplugged the Dish from their playroom and the tv downstairs is usually tuned to the satellite music channel instead of a show. I began to see the need to cut out the amount of TV they (we) watched a few months ago and have been weaning our family of it ever since. I don't believe we'll ever be a TV -free family, but I can say we are much pickier about what we watch now.

So - my challenge for today.... Turn the TV off. (It IS National Turn Off the TV Week this week ~ April 25 to May 1 ~ so why not?) Grab a book and read to your kids. Grab a book and read to yourself. Read the newspaper...the funny pages instead of the obits...the life section instead of the top news section. Go for a walk and look at the tulips (I love living where tulips bloom again!) or the spring flowers. Or...shock of all shockers...talk to each other! Type in "icebreaker games" on google.com and find some questions to ask each other you normally wouldn't. We had a blast doing just that last week at AWOL. You'll enjoy re-connecting as a family or with friends and your life will be enriched instead of entrenched.

Here are some other ideas to enrich your life...
Check out an audio course teaching a foreign language (we're currently learning German in our home).

Check out your local Parks & Rec for classes and courses of all types for all ages.

Go to an antique store as a family...look for one "odd" thing for each family member and then go someplace where you can write a story about the person who originally owned it and how they used it...or get a video camera and make a "documentary" about it.

You get the picture.... Have fun with this life you've been given! Remember...the JOY of the Lord is where our strength comes from. No wonder why studies show that laughter is good medicine.

So...Enjoy today - you've only got 24 hours of it and then it's gone. You'll never have this day back again. Take the time tonight to write down 3 things you're thankful for...do it every night and you'll have a thousand things you're thankful for in a year!

Well, Scott's in Sunny Florida receiving an award and the boys and I are going to go for a walk in the rain...Ciao!