I was thinking about our butterflies a little bit ago and what it was like when I put my hand in the back of their box to carry them outside to freedom. I remembered that I couldn't just put my hand in there and have them climb onto my finger. No, I really kind of freaked them out and they would begin to go into cardiac fluttering and escape mode with their wings going like crazy and jumping all around. Then I had to kind of "knock 'em off their feet" so they weren't on top of things so their little legs would be reaching for anything to help them get upright again. It seems cruel, but it was what had to be done to get them to cling on to me without hurting their wings so they could fly free.
As I thought about that it dawned on me that I'm a lot like that with God. When He's trying to do something in my life and He's reaching down to help me through it I tend to freak out and start fluttering my wings and jumping around. I act like I'm the one who needs to escape and be in control when in truth my life verse is being lived out..."He is before all things and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17 NIV. I'm not in control of my life ~ I'm in control of my choices and actions ~ but He's in control of my life and too often He's gotta knock me on my back (or backside) for a moment before I am flailing my hands and arms wildly looking for Him to help me get right side up again.
Y'know what, though? It's not in the big stuff that I'm like this. I look back on the big hard times in my life and my trust and peace was immediately in Him with no doubts or questions. It's in the day-to-day stuff that I struggle the most. The days when Micah says "NO!" waaaaaaaay too many times for my sanity. ...the days he decides poo from a dirty diaper makes a beautiful contemporary art pattern on his bedroom carpet. The days when Caleb thinks it's much easier to pinch his brother's cheek than it is to walk away from him when Micah wants what he has. Please tell me every parent has those days when their kids become the children of some other parent because they're certainly not YOUR children! :) Those are the days I struggle the most. The days I wonder if maybe I didn't read the signs wrong and I should have been a nun or something instead of a wife and mother. (no, I don't really think that....too often.)
I guess butterflies are good lesson-teachers for more than just amazing transformations. Too often God's wanting to make a change to bring me into another level of freedom in Him and I fight it afraid of what's coming. Letting go of children, clutter, my own time alone, the past, weight, favorite foods I'm now allergic to...whatever...God seems to be saying, "It's okay, it's me Little One. I'm not here to hurt you, but to help you. Trust me." Lord, I trust you ~ help my distrust!
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