MELE KALIKIMAKA!
with all our love from our home to yours ~
From Washington to Fanning Island and everything in between ~ may your days be Merry & Bright...
and may the SON shine in your life!
Merry Christmas
Scott, Trayc, Caleb & Micah Foskett
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
pictures from Hawaii...these are on Maui (day three of the cruise)
This lady in the wheelchair is a special part of our trip ~ Scott & Steve had to go back to the ship to get car seats and on the tender on the way back to Maui Scott sat next to her. As she was talking to the people around her, she kept pointing to and holding Scott's arm saying "he's my boyfriend!" :) It was classic and we had to get a picture of the kinds of girls Scott attracts these days! (should I be worried? ;)
These next three are three of my absolute favorites from the whole trip! Caleb was given snorkel gear before we left and he was so excited about it...until we got to the beach and the vastness of the ocean freaked him out. However.....when it came time to leave we couldn't get him away from the water. He loved it and I snapped these pictures to capture the spirit of childhood.
these pictures are from Day 2 of the cruise ~ the first one is of Caleb and I at a steamhole at Mount Kilauea. The second is the boys and I right before we headed into to a lava tube ~ also on Mount Kilauea. Did you know that Mt. Kilauea (kill-a-way-uh) has been erupting since 1983??! yup ~ since that time it has added hundreds of square miles of real estate to the big Island. It's amazing!! And the lava tube (literally a tube made out of lava...completely naturally) was astounding. We have similar things up here, but we call them "bat caves." We were going to go up earlier in the Fall, but I said I didn't want to go see any bats! DUH!! :)
The next picture of the boys is taken again at Mt. Kilauea ~ it's just a cute picture of my kids! ;)
Ah ~ then we head to Maui for the largest Banyon tree in the US. Leaning on one of the multiple branches is Caleb, Micah, and their cousin, Peyton.
There are many more ~ this is just the beginning, but some of my favorites.... I'll be sharing my absolute favorites from Fanning Island next.... :) Have a great day!
Monday, October 23, 2006
An Instant World
I wish we lived in an instant world where everything we had to do was able to be done like e-mail. Imagine with me...
"I have to mail this package to Sophie! It's been two weeks (how'd that happen?) since I told her I'd mail it and it's still here!
"I think I'll bring it to the post office and have them package it all up and everything...and is Caleb done with his picture for her yet?
(enter INSTA-MAN!)
"Hello there! Did I hear correctly that you've been meaning to send something across the United States but hate going to the post office so you procrastinate?"
"Ummm, who are you?"
"Don't mind that ~ I asked you a question!"
"O-kaaaaay....yes, that's pretty much it in a nutshell."
"Don't worry m'lady! Here ~ put your package in this opening in my back."
"Ummm, who are you?"
"Don't mind that ~ I told you to do something!"
"O-kaaaaay...pull here?"
"No, not my finger...my back! Lift up on that handle that says "lift" on it."
"this is weird."
"You think you have to tell ME that?"
"Okay. I'm lifting....HEY! What happened to you? You're a tall skinny man with very little meat on your bones ~ if you turn sideways you disappear, but when I lift up on this handle it looks as if you go on forever! Who ARE you?"
"I'm INSTA-MAN!"
"Insta-man? Your name is "Insta-man?" That's kind of weird."
"I know, but everyone loves me so it doesn't matter how weird my name is! Now, do you want me to help you or not?"
"Oh! Yes! Please help me!!"
"Put your package on that little conveyor belt inside and enter the address of the person you're sending your package to on the little computer keyboard next to it."
"It's little alright...just a second. Oh! I pushed NW instead of NE...these keys are tiny!"
"Are you finished?"
"Yes"
"Now push that green button that says SEND"
"Here goes nothing...are you sure it's going to get to her? I mean, some of these things are one of a kind and I won't be able to re-do them."
"Do I look like the kind of man to steal your packages?"
"you don't look like anything I've ever seen before."
"So do you trust me or not?"
"Well, I suppose. Here ya go...." (I push send and an unbelievable noise comes out the man's backside. Oh. that's not supposed to sound like it does...I mean his BACK. :) An unbelievable noise came out the man's BACK. Like a tornado, or a hurricane or a combination of the two. He jerked forward and then he jumped back and he bent from side to side as if he were a ragdoll. Then, all of the sudden....)
"Well, it's delivered. She says thank you."
"huh?"
"Sophie. She received your package and she says thank you and don't worry about it."
"you're kidding. She already got it?"
"yup ~ and she opened it, too. That one thing was pretty cool. She liked it."
"uhhhhhh, o-kaaaaaay. Thanks. Um, how'd you do that?"
"That's what I'm here for ~ that's why *I* am INSTA-MAN!" (he said it in the most annoyingly bogus fake-radio-announcer voice I couldn't help but be amazed to be in his presence....and I swear it reverberated when he talked!)
"Um, thank you Insta-Man! You're the BEST!"
"Nothin' to it, M'Lady ~ instant packages is what I do best. Well, I'm off to save another person who has been kicking themselves for about an hour now wishing they could get their daughter's Twin Bings to Washington before they melt or the chocolate goes bad. You know how those Twin Bings can be."
"Oh, do I! Have a safe trip!"
"Thank Yooooooooooouuuuu!"
And he was gone. The packages were sent and the weight was lifted from my shoulders. Ah, life in an instant world ~ what bliss!
Okay, so that's not really going to happen, but I really wish it could. I have Tooley mugs sitting here along with Arbonne orders that need to be returned and a very important Birthday package that needs to be sent...make that packages...to 4 very important people.
I guess it's time to make "That's good enough!" more of my vocabulary than "Oh! I can do this and this and this to this to make it even more perfect!" is. I'd get a lot more done if it were.....so I guess it's time to do a reprogram on my brain!
have a good day ~ and if I owe you a package.......it's "in the mail." ;) (or it will be...)
"I have to mail this package to Sophie! It's been two weeks (how'd that happen?) since I told her I'd mail it and it's still here!
"I think I'll bring it to the post office and have them package it all up and everything...and is Caleb done with his picture for her yet?
(enter INSTA-MAN!)
"Hello there! Did I hear correctly that you've been meaning to send something across the United States but hate going to the post office so you procrastinate?"
"Ummm, who are you?"
"Don't mind that ~ I asked you a question!"
"O-kaaaaay....yes, that's pretty much it in a nutshell."
"Don't worry m'lady! Here ~ put your package in this opening in my back."
"Ummm, who are you?"
"Don't mind that ~ I told you to do something!"
"O-kaaaaay...pull here?"
"No, not my finger...my back! Lift up on that handle that says "lift" on it."
"this is weird."
"You think you have to tell ME that?"
"Okay. I'm lifting....HEY! What happened to you? You're a tall skinny man with very little meat on your bones ~ if you turn sideways you disappear, but when I lift up on this handle it looks as if you go on forever! Who ARE you?"
"I'm INSTA-MAN!"
"Insta-man? Your name is "Insta-man?" That's kind of weird."
"I know, but everyone loves me so it doesn't matter how weird my name is! Now, do you want me to help you or not?"
"Oh! Yes! Please help me!!"
"Put your package on that little conveyor belt inside and enter the address of the person you're sending your package to on the little computer keyboard next to it."
"It's little alright...just a second. Oh! I pushed NW instead of NE...these keys are tiny!"
"Are you finished?"
"Yes"
"Now push that green button that says SEND"
"Here goes nothing...are you sure it's going to get to her? I mean, some of these things are one of a kind and I won't be able to re-do them."
"Do I look like the kind of man to steal your packages?"
"you don't look like anything I've ever seen before."
"So do you trust me or not?"
"Well, I suppose. Here ya go...." (I push send and an unbelievable noise comes out the man's backside. Oh. that's not supposed to sound like it does...I mean his BACK. :) An unbelievable noise came out the man's BACK. Like a tornado, or a hurricane or a combination of the two. He jerked forward and then he jumped back and he bent from side to side as if he were a ragdoll. Then, all of the sudden....)
"Well, it's delivered. She says thank you."
"huh?"
"Sophie. She received your package and she says thank you and don't worry about it."
"you're kidding. She already got it?"
"yup ~ and she opened it, too. That one thing was pretty cool. She liked it."
"uhhhhhh, o-kaaaaaay. Thanks. Um, how'd you do that?"
"That's what I'm here for ~ that's why *I* am INSTA-MAN!" (he said it in the most annoyingly bogus fake-radio-announcer voice I couldn't help but be amazed to be in his presence....and I swear it reverberated when he talked!)
"Um, thank you Insta-Man! You're the BEST!"
"Nothin' to it, M'Lady ~ instant packages is what I do best. Well, I'm off to save another person who has been kicking themselves for about an hour now wishing they could get their daughter's Twin Bings to Washington before they melt or the chocolate goes bad. You know how those Twin Bings can be."
"Oh, do I! Have a safe trip!"
"Thank Yooooooooooouuuuu!"
And he was gone. The packages were sent and the weight was lifted from my shoulders. Ah, life in an instant world ~ what bliss!
Okay, so that's not really going to happen, but I really wish it could. I have Tooley mugs sitting here along with Arbonne orders that need to be returned and a very important Birthday package that needs to be sent...make that packages...to 4 very important people.
I guess it's time to make "That's good enough!" more of my vocabulary than "Oh! I can do this and this and this to this to make it even more perfect!" is. I'd get a lot more done if it were.....so I guess it's time to do a reprogram on my brain!
have a good day ~ and if I owe you a package.......it's "in the mail." ;) (or it will be...)
Monday, October 16, 2006
Celebrating Life Today
Over the last few weeks the topic of adoption vs abortion has weighed heavily on my mind. I know personally why the topic is there ~ Sophie came into this world 10 years ago on September 18th. Her adoption placement was three weeks later on October 7th.
However, politically, geographically and intellectually the topics are there for very different reasons. Most of you who read this blog know I hail from South Dakota. I love having grown up in South Dakota ~ I had a great education, wonderful neighbors and churches and a culture that, at the time, was focused on the stereotypical Midwestern Hospitality. I owe a lot of who I am because of where I came from. Many of you probably know (unless you're living in some Christian World News hole or something) that South Dakota is a very controversial state right now. WOO HOO!! (sorry...I'm not supposed to be that excited about controversy. :) ) Anyway, I digress....South Dakota has on it's ballot for November a possibility that abortion would become illegal in the entire state...no matter the circumstances. Ooooooohhh! Con-tro-VER-see!
I am prouder than ever to be from South Dakota. I am the product of a state that is now saying, "we care about our future ~ we care about our present ~ we care about the young people who are growing up in this state today and we care about the future they are bringing to our state in the days, months and years ahead." Many states say the care about their children. Some of them even go so far to say that the education and care of their young people is THE most important responsibility they have. So why do they tell those same kids that if they had come along at any other time ~ a less convenient time ~ that it would have been okay to kill them?
I can hear some of you now...."oh, Trayc, don't use that 'k' word! That's a little harsh, isn't it? Let's try something a little more PC...maybe "take their life" or "terminate their pregnancy" but please don't say they're killing their baby. Oh, and while we're on that topic...let's not make them feel any more guilt over the decision....let's not call it a baby. They have simply decided to terminate an unplanned, unwanted, pregnancy." Read on.
I know it's not PC...and I know it hurts. I have someone in mind right now that I know reads this blog and I know he's wanting desperately to stop reading but he can't ~ he knows the truth, too. My heart breaks for him and it's the conversations I had with him after he paid for his girlfriend's abortion that make me even MORE adamant over the topic of abortion versus life. I saw the pain in his eyes ~ I saw the desire to crawl under the table and hide from the pain of knowing he would not see his child this side of heaven. Even now, years later, I cry over that conversation and the pain I saw in him. Abortion doesn't end a pregnancy...it ends a life. If you don't believe that conception is the beginning of a life then let me tell you this: abortion doesn't only end the life of the child in the womb...in many ways it ends the life of the mother and the father, if he's even given the opportunity to be a part of the decision.
I know the pain of that decision making process. When I discovered I was pregnant in January of 1996 I was terrified of what lay ahead. My baby's father didn't want me to go through with it, and I did call Planned Parenthood to "discover" what my options were. I guess I always have been one to make sure all my bases are covered...to find out if there isn't a better, more efficient way to handle something. But to be honest when she said that the only option for me was to terminate the pregnancy and I could make the appointment for that day if I needed to my heart, which was already cracked in pieces over the place I found myself, shattered. I quickly said I would have to think about it and hung up.
I went to my school's nurse and she encouraged me to go to a friend of hers who ran a Pregnancy Resource Center (the PC version of "Crisis Pregnancy Center" which I believe states it more clearly since most of the women who really want to visit the Planned Parenthood building do so because they see this pregnancy as a crisis, not a pregnancy...but again, I digress...)
By the grace of God I started having problems in my pregnancy and I had to visit an OB doctor right away. I had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks...the time you have to wait until to have an abortion so they can make sure they "get all the parts" during the procedure. I saw my baby ~ she didn't look like a baby. In fact, she looked like a little lump of oatmeal, but there was something that made all the difference in the world between a baby and a blob ~ she had a beating heart. It was amazing! When a doctor is operating on someone and they flatline, that is their heart stops, the patient is considered dead...or near dead...and they do all they can to resucitate them. However, if a baby is "in the way" or "inconvenient" or "the product of an act of violence" then the beating heart isn't really a beating heart. No. It's just a nuisance that must be taken care of. Oh, how my heart breaks to think that people really think that way!!!!!!! I applaude and cheer for those young women who found themselves (or find themselves) in a place I was in 10 short years ago and have chosen to give their baby life! THANK YOU!!!
There's something else, though, and it is as much an epidemic to be dealt with as abortion is....it's my own personal controversy that I'm sure will not sit well with many people. The topic is: abortion vs. adoption vs. single parenting.......ooooooh! I'm not going to continue now, but check back...I'll be posting it soon. (I really want to make sure I get the wording, the heart and the message right on this one............it's much too important to flippantly post some inner rambling.)
However, politically, geographically and intellectually the topics are there for very different reasons. Most of you who read this blog know I hail from South Dakota. I love having grown up in South Dakota ~ I had a great education, wonderful neighbors and churches and a culture that, at the time, was focused on the stereotypical Midwestern Hospitality. I owe a lot of who I am because of where I came from. Many of you probably know (unless you're living in some Christian World News hole or something) that South Dakota is a very controversial state right now. WOO HOO!! (sorry...I'm not supposed to be that excited about controversy. :) ) Anyway, I digress....South Dakota has on it's ballot for November a possibility that abortion would become illegal in the entire state...no matter the circumstances. Ooooooohhh! Con-tro-VER-see!
I am prouder than ever to be from South Dakota. I am the product of a state that is now saying, "we care about our future ~ we care about our present ~ we care about the young people who are growing up in this state today and we care about the future they are bringing to our state in the days, months and years ahead." Many states say the care about their children. Some of them even go so far to say that the education and care of their young people is THE most important responsibility they have. So why do they tell those same kids that if they had come along at any other time ~ a less convenient time ~ that it would have been okay to kill them?
I can hear some of you now...."oh, Trayc, don't use that 'k' word! That's a little harsh, isn't it? Let's try something a little more PC...maybe "take their life" or "terminate their pregnancy" but please don't say they're killing their baby. Oh, and while we're on that topic...let's not make them feel any more guilt over the decision....let's not call it a baby. They have simply decided to terminate an unplanned, unwanted, pregnancy." Read on.
I know it's not PC...and I know it hurts. I have someone in mind right now that I know reads this blog and I know he's wanting desperately to stop reading but he can't ~ he knows the truth, too. My heart breaks for him and it's the conversations I had with him after he paid for his girlfriend's abortion that make me even MORE adamant over the topic of abortion versus life. I saw the pain in his eyes ~ I saw the desire to crawl under the table and hide from the pain of knowing he would not see his child this side of heaven. Even now, years later, I cry over that conversation and the pain I saw in him. Abortion doesn't end a pregnancy...it ends a life. If you don't believe that conception is the beginning of a life then let me tell you this: abortion doesn't only end the life of the child in the womb...in many ways it ends the life of the mother and the father, if he's even given the opportunity to be a part of the decision.
I know the pain of that decision making process. When I discovered I was pregnant in January of 1996 I was terrified of what lay ahead. My baby's father didn't want me to go through with it, and I did call Planned Parenthood to "discover" what my options were. I guess I always have been one to make sure all my bases are covered...to find out if there isn't a better, more efficient way to handle something. But to be honest when she said that the only option for me was to terminate the pregnancy and I could make the appointment for that day if I needed to my heart, which was already cracked in pieces over the place I found myself, shattered. I quickly said I would have to think about it and hung up.
I went to my school's nurse and she encouraged me to go to a friend of hers who ran a Pregnancy Resource Center (the PC version of "Crisis Pregnancy Center" which I believe states it more clearly since most of the women who really want to visit the Planned Parenthood building do so because they see this pregnancy as a crisis, not a pregnancy...but again, I digress...)
By the grace of God I started having problems in my pregnancy and I had to visit an OB doctor right away. I had my first ultrasound at 8 weeks...the time you have to wait until to have an abortion so they can make sure they "get all the parts" during the procedure. I saw my baby ~ she didn't look like a baby. In fact, she looked like a little lump of oatmeal, but there was something that made all the difference in the world between a baby and a blob ~ she had a beating heart. It was amazing! When a doctor is operating on someone and they flatline, that is their heart stops, the patient is considered dead...or near dead...and they do all they can to resucitate them. However, if a baby is "in the way" or "inconvenient" or "the product of an act of violence" then the beating heart isn't really a beating heart. No. It's just a nuisance that must be taken care of. Oh, how my heart breaks to think that people really think that way!!!!!!! I applaude and cheer for those young women who found themselves (or find themselves) in a place I was in 10 short years ago and have chosen to give their baby life! THANK YOU!!!
There's something else, though, and it is as much an epidemic to be dealt with as abortion is....it's my own personal controversy that I'm sure will not sit well with many people. The topic is: abortion vs. adoption vs. single parenting.......ooooooh! I'm not going to continue now, but check back...I'll be posting it soon. (I really want to make sure I get the wording, the heart and the message right on this one............it's much too important to flippantly post some inner rambling.)
Wednesday, October 4, 2006
i'm not sure where this came from....
this post is one I feel i must write. it's about being real. it's about being comfortable enough in the love of those around you that you can show them who you really are. it's about transparency and trust and faith...all wrapped up into one big courage sandwich.
y'see, if you were to ask me if i thought i was courageous, i would definitely say, "nope. not a chance." and then i would ponder that question and the answer i gave for the next two or three days. and i'd probably come to the same answer every time.
our MOMS leadership group is reading a book called "having a mary heart in a martha world" for our Bible study, and this week's lesson was on worry. i'm not a big worrier. i don't freak out over what "might" be, and i certainly don't freak out over what "could" be. i'm just not a worrier. the way i look at it is God's in control, so why should i worry? is bad stuff going to happen? yup. is good stuff going to happen? yup. can i control the bad stuff? nope ~ not really. i can prevent and be proactive in preparing for preventing it, but in the end i really can't control it. can i control the good stuff? man. as much as i wish i could bring only good stuff to those i love and good stuff to the world all i can do is make sure i, myself, am not taking the good stuff away...and that i'm looking for the good stuff.
so with that kind of attitude you'd think i'd be pretty even-keel, right? i mean, really now...if God's in control and i surrender most worries i actually do find myself having into His hands then i should be pretty joyful and upbeat and happy, right? yeah, you'd think so.
but what i'm learning is that the more i realize God's in control and realize how very little control i have over this world, this life and the things that happen the more i find myself angry, frustrated and down-hearted. i mean, come on! do any of you who have experienced marital problems, children's rebellions, baby illnesses ~ terminal or curable, or personal pain really live in an eternal bubble of joy? is it possible for someone...years later...days later...in the moment to never be angry with the God who is in control? i have. shoot me now and send me straight to hell, i have.
i've been angry with God that my daughter, due to my stupid mistakes ~yes, but my daughter lives in another home instead of with me. i've been angry with God that our niece is a memory instead of a playmate. i've been angry with God that marriages built by Him and begun by Him are in turmoil and pain and agony over the attacks and lies of an enemy HE COULD SQUASH LIKE A BUG!! here is my confession ~ I'M ANGRY!! but don't stop reading here, because there's more...
i may be angry with God for giving us choices, allowing us pain and triumph, and all that living in this world brings, but i'm also thankful for His giving us choices, allowing us pain and triumph and all that living in this world brings. today i read the blog of my cousin, joel, and the story of the journey they're on with having their baby girl's head operated on because of a bone malfunction (to put it VERY broadly), and i am amazed that i, living in washington state, could be reading the news ~ and seeing pictures of ~ my cousin's family living in kansas within hours of them posting the entries. i am amazed at the technology that allowed such a surgery to be done. i am amazed.
and then my thoughts turn elsewhere. to another hospital in what seems like the not so distant past. and i'm crying. i'm crying that my sons will never know their cousin, morgan, until they get to heaven. and i think of the post of one of the gals on joel's website and i'm brought an odd kind of peace knowing morgan is watching, laughing, groaning and loving her cousins along with Jesus and the cousins and sibling that went on before her.
the truth of the matter is, i want to be angry. i choose to be angry when it feels like there's nothing i can do. i want to fix the world! i want people i love to let go of their anger ~ their guilt ~ they're bitterness toward themselves and toward God ~ and all that keeps us focused in our "place" and release it. but i know the comfortable blanket the anger, the bitterness, the guilt can be....and i know it's hard to let go. and i know God won't pull it away without our permission. and yet He longs to take it. He tells us that He wants to take it upon Himself so that our load may be lightened. He loves us with an everlasting love....and He'll take us back...every time. with or without our anger. and when we're ready...so is He.
some of you may be wondering, "what in the world? where is this coming from?" well, i don't really know. all i know is that i see so much anger in the world. and i see so much anger that people try to cover up. and i understand it. i'm there. and if i'm not there right now, i've been there. i've yelled at God. i've walked around with my chip on my shoulder because the circumstance that surrounded me were anything BUT joyful. i've been in the place where i've said all the right things when people talked about different "stuff" and then turned around and thought, "yeah, whatever! like God really cares!" i've put on the good Christian face because that's what i'm supposed to do...afterall, if God is love and i love God, then i should never be angry with Him. afterall, anger is bad. but is it really? when i go to God with my anger and am straight up honest with Him...the strangest thing happens. He takes it. and then He takes me. and then He wraps His arms around me and says, "fear not, for I have overcome the world." and i know. i know it's going to be okay because this world isn't what it's all about. and i cling to that.
i don't know who reads this blog. to be honest, i'm beyond wondering and hoping and wishing i knew. but i do know people read it, and i do know God lays things on my heart for a reason. so if you're reading this and you're finding that it's making you kind of sick to your stomach and you're really wanting to click to another website....maybe it's a good time to let it go. maybe it's a good time to let the tears flow. maybe now is the moment you've been wanting. waiting for and yet hoping never came. maybe it's now. it's okay. the blanket of security is much more comfortable than the blanket of anger and fear over a God who may not love you as much as people say He does because bad stuff has happened. the fear is a lie. God loves you. and, i have to say this here because i have been in the place (not so long ago) of believing He really loved everyone BUT me. ..but he loves me too. and he loves you. He longs for you....come to Jesus and let Him wipe away the anger, the fear. maybe now.
y'see, if you were to ask me if i thought i was courageous, i would definitely say, "nope. not a chance." and then i would ponder that question and the answer i gave for the next two or three days. and i'd probably come to the same answer every time.
our MOMS leadership group is reading a book called "having a mary heart in a martha world" for our Bible study, and this week's lesson was on worry. i'm not a big worrier. i don't freak out over what "might" be, and i certainly don't freak out over what "could" be. i'm just not a worrier. the way i look at it is God's in control, so why should i worry? is bad stuff going to happen? yup. is good stuff going to happen? yup. can i control the bad stuff? nope ~ not really. i can prevent and be proactive in preparing for preventing it, but in the end i really can't control it. can i control the good stuff? man. as much as i wish i could bring only good stuff to those i love and good stuff to the world all i can do is make sure i, myself, am not taking the good stuff away...and that i'm looking for the good stuff.
so with that kind of attitude you'd think i'd be pretty even-keel, right? i mean, really now...if God's in control and i surrender most worries i actually do find myself having into His hands then i should be pretty joyful and upbeat and happy, right? yeah, you'd think so.
but what i'm learning is that the more i realize God's in control and realize how very little control i have over this world, this life and the things that happen the more i find myself angry, frustrated and down-hearted. i mean, come on! do any of you who have experienced marital problems, children's rebellions, baby illnesses ~ terminal or curable, or personal pain really live in an eternal bubble of joy? is it possible for someone...years later...days later...in the moment to never be angry with the God who is in control? i have. shoot me now and send me straight to hell, i have.
i've been angry with God that my daughter, due to my stupid mistakes ~yes, but my daughter lives in another home instead of with me. i've been angry with God that our niece is a memory instead of a playmate. i've been angry with God that marriages built by Him and begun by Him are in turmoil and pain and agony over the attacks and lies of an enemy HE COULD SQUASH LIKE A BUG!! here is my confession ~ I'M ANGRY!! but don't stop reading here, because there's more...
i may be angry with God for giving us choices, allowing us pain and triumph, and all that living in this world brings, but i'm also thankful for His giving us choices, allowing us pain and triumph and all that living in this world brings. today i read the blog of my cousin, joel, and the story of the journey they're on with having their baby girl's head operated on because of a bone malfunction (to put it VERY broadly), and i am amazed that i, living in washington state, could be reading the news ~ and seeing pictures of ~ my cousin's family living in kansas within hours of them posting the entries. i am amazed at the technology that allowed such a surgery to be done. i am amazed.
and then my thoughts turn elsewhere. to another hospital in what seems like the not so distant past. and i'm crying. i'm crying that my sons will never know their cousin, morgan, until they get to heaven. and i think of the post of one of the gals on joel's website and i'm brought an odd kind of peace knowing morgan is watching, laughing, groaning and loving her cousins along with Jesus and the cousins and sibling that went on before her.
the truth of the matter is, i want to be angry. i choose to be angry when it feels like there's nothing i can do. i want to fix the world! i want people i love to let go of their anger ~ their guilt ~ they're bitterness toward themselves and toward God ~ and all that keeps us focused in our "place" and release it. but i know the comfortable blanket the anger, the bitterness, the guilt can be....and i know it's hard to let go. and i know God won't pull it away without our permission. and yet He longs to take it. He tells us that He wants to take it upon Himself so that our load may be lightened. He loves us with an everlasting love....and He'll take us back...every time. with or without our anger. and when we're ready...so is He.
some of you may be wondering, "what in the world? where is this coming from?" well, i don't really know. all i know is that i see so much anger in the world. and i see so much anger that people try to cover up. and i understand it. i'm there. and if i'm not there right now, i've been there. i've yelled at God. i've walked around with my chip on my shoulder because the circumstance that surrounded me were anything BUT joyful. i've been in the place where i've said all the right things when people talked about different "stuff" and then turned around and thought, "yeah, whatever! like God really cares!" i've put on the good Christian face because that's what i'm supposed to do...afterall, if God is love and i love God, then i should never be angry with Him. afterall, anger is bad. but is it really? when i go to God with my anger and am straight up honest with Him...the strangest thing happens. He takes it. and then He takes me. and then He wraps His arms around me and says, "fear not, for I have overcome the world." and i know. i know it's going to be okay because this world isn't what it's all about. and i cling to that.
i don't know who reads this blog. to be honest, i'm beyond wondering and hoping and wishing i knew. but i do know people read it, and i do know God lays things on my heart for a reason. so if you're reading this and you're finding that it's making you kind of sick to your stomach and you're really wanting to click to another website....maybe it's a good time to let it go. maybe it's a good time to let the tears flow. maybe now is the moment you've been wanting. waiting for and yet hoping never came. maybe it's now. it's okay. the blanket of security is much more comfortable than the blanket of anger and fear over a God who may not love you as much as people say He does because bad stuff has happened. the fear is a lie. God loves you. and, i have to say this here because i have been in the place (not so long ago) of believing He really loved everyone BUT me. ..but he loves me too. and he loves you. He longs for you....come to Jesus and let Him wipe away the anger, the fear. maybe now.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
WOO HOO!!
Today is still September 18th in my world. My days don't end at midnight ~ lately they seem to be going well into the next day before they end. So, the fact that it's 12:25 am and I am just now sitting down to do this is only an indication of how crazy the week before MOMS starts is for the Publicity person. but I digress....the real reason I'm sitting here at 12:26 am and not laying my heavy eyelids on my cheeks and my head on my pillow is because today is a very important day in my life. Will you all please join me in wishing someone very special...very incredible...very beautiful, witty, funny and charming a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SOPHIA!!!! 10 Years old.....how'd that happen? What an incredible journey it's been. You are beautiful, Soph. You are amazing to me and I thank God for the wonder of you in my life. May this year be beautiful and happy and wonderful all year long. I love you.
Trayc
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SOPHIA!!!! 10 Years old.....how'd that happen? What an incredible journey it's been. You are beautiful, Soph. You are amazing to me and I thank God for the wonder of you in my life. May this year be beautiful and happy and wonderful all year long. I love you.
Trayc
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Amazed
I don't know what's been up with me lately, but I've been really....well, pissy. I know. It's not a pretty word, but sometimes "nice" words simply don't describe what it really is. Please forgive me if you're offended...there's no offense meant.
ANYWAY....I've been in a really bad mood...A LOT. Maybe it's because I haven't been taking my Mannatech as regularly as I should...maybe it's because the weather has changed...maybe it's because school starts in a week and a half and I feel as if I have nothing together. (Even though I actually have most everything together except the attitude/discipline changes I longed to see made in my children this summer.) Who knows? All I know is I've been really crabby and, therefore, mean.
I don't like being mean. I like being happy and gregarious and laughing a lot. I don't like it when I get like this. I know my kids don't either. Neither does Scott. Go figure.
Well, this afternoon I was cleaning up the house and saw that the boys had to finish the job they were told to do yesterday. I called them downstairs and informed them of what they needed to do (clean up the backyard). I actually did it calmly and nicely.
Caleb spent most of the 20 minutes they were outside walking around the yard "flying" the helicopter he picked up right after he went out there. Needless to say...I went out to take it away.
And he screamed.
Now, if you've been around Caleb you've probably heard this scream. It's the kind of blood-curdling scream girls use in horror movies. It's ear-shattering and INCREDIBLY annoying. And when you hear it more than you care to it's immediately angering.
So he came inside.
Really? He was dragged inside because he kept thinking the scream (because I took the toy away) was appropriate to continue and listening to his mother was not.
So....fast forward about 1 hour. I've been cleaning and working on some MOMS stuff and carrying on this "back of my head" kind of prayer to God about how to implement changes and how to even find the wisdom He offers to raise my boys to be unlike me in the work-ethic/discipline category. Caleb, having been cleaning his room and putting his clothes away as he was told to do, opened his door and smiled at me. He came over and gave me a hug and asked if I had heard "this song" before. (Sorry...can't remember the song since right now I'm hearing a different song coming from his room, but it was a cool song about loving Jesus.) I gave him a hug and asked if he was feeling better about actually doing what he was told to do.....
As he walked back into his room (he wasn't quite finished) he turned and said, "hey, Mom?" "yes?" "I think from now on when I have to clean my room I'm going to listen to music like this." "oh? why's that?" "well......when I go into my room to clean it up and there's no music I hear in my head that I should play instead. But when I'm listening to Jesus music when I'm supposed to be cleaning I'm better able to hear what you said to do because then I can't hear my own thoughts in my head."
As he closed the door the song that came on the radio was...........
I can't believe this..........
It was if God Himself reached out and touched me...............
And tears rushed down my cheeks as I listened to the words of one of my favorite songs.................
Mercy Came Running.
So, don't give up. Even when everything seems to be spiraling out of control.....
Mercy comes running.
Proof positive ~ God cares about every detail of your life and He cares about where you're at.
He cares about what you're celebrating.
He cares about what you're afraid of.
He cares about the character challenge you're tired of in yourself.
He cares about the task you keep putting off because you dread it so much.
He cares.
His mercies are new every morning.
And they come when you least expect it.
Hang on....
"for when you seek Me with all you are you will find Me."
Hold on to Jesus with all your might.
peaceout.
ANYWAY....I've been in a really bad mood...A LOT. Maybe it's because I haven't been taking my Mannatech as regularly as I should...maybe it's because the weather has changed...maybe it's because school starts in a week and a half and I feel as if I have nothing together. (Even though I actually have most everything together except the attitude/discipline changes I longed to see made in my children this summer.) Who knows? All I know is I've been really crabby and, therefore, mean.
I don't like being mean. I like being happy and gregarious and laughing a lot. I don't like it when I get like this. I know my kids don't either. Neither does Scott. Go figure.
Well, this afternoon I was cleaning up the house and saw that the boys had to finish the job they were told to do yesterday. I called them downstairs and informed them of what they needed to do (clean up the backyard). I actually did it calmly and nicely.
Caleb spent most of the 20 minutes they were outside walking around the yard "flying" the helicopter he picked up right after he went out there. Needless to say...I went out to take it away.
And he screamed.
Now, if you've been around Caleb you've probably heard this scream. It's the kind of blood-curdling scream girls use in horror movies. It's ear-shattering and INCREDIBLY annoying. And when you hear it more than you care to it's immediately angering.
So he came inside.
Really? He was dragged inside because he kept thinking the scream (because I took the toy away) was appropriate to continue and listening to his mother was not.
So....fast forward about 1 hour. I've been cleaning and working on some MOMS stuff and carrying on this "back of my head" kind of prayer to God about how to implement changes and how to even find the wisdom He offers to raise my boys to be unlike me in the work-ethic/discipline category. Caleb, having been cleaning his room and putting his clothes away as he was told to do, opened his door and smiled at me. He came over and gave me a hug and asked if I had heard "this song" before. (Sorry...can't remember the song since right now I'm hearing a different song coming from his room, but it was a cool song about loving Jesus.) I gave him a hug and asked if he was feeling better about actually doing what he was told to do.....
As he walked back into his room (he wasn't quite finished) he turned and said, "hey, Mom?" "yes?" "I think from now on when I have to clean my room I'm going to listen to music like this." "oh? why's that?" "well......when I go into my room to clean it up and there's no music I hear in my head that I should play instead. But when I'm listening to Jesus music when I'm supposed to be cleaning I'm better able to hear what you said to do because then I can't hear my own thoughts in my head."
As he closed the door the song that came on the radio was...........
I can't believe this..........
It was if God Himself reached out and touched me...............
And tears rushed down my cheeks as I listened to the words of one of my favorite songs.................
Mercy Came Running.
So, don't give up. Even when everything seems to be spiraling out of control.....
Mercy comes running.
Proof positive ~ God cares about every detail of your life and He cares about where you're at.
He cares about what you're celebrating.
He cares about what you're afraid of.
He cares about the character challenge you're tired of in yourself.
He cares about the task you keep putting off because you dread it so much.
He cares.
His mercies are new every morning.
And they come when you least expect it.
Hang on....
"for when you seek Me with all you are you will find Me."
Hold on to Jesus with all your might.
peaceout.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Dreams ~ Deep, longing, heartfelt dreams
Dreams ~ where do they come from? The dreams I hold in my heart that I dare not utter for fear they will be laughed at, joked about, tossed aside in the plunder of the life unused. The dream at the core of my being….placed there by God Himself…what is it?
What were the dreams of my childhood? Being a great teacher ~ singing on a stage with thousands applauding and crying and being moved by the music ~ being swept off my feet by my knight in shining armor. All of them dreams I held deep in the recesses of my soul. What would I write on my paper for the Blue Bottle?
Lord, what I know is that there are dreams I have in my heart that I cannot explain. There are dreams and conscious understandings of what will be that I cannot fathom or ever believe *I* had the ability to conceptualize. Are those the dreams from You? The dreams I even dare not write here? The dreams that are bigger and more astounding than I could ever have imagined? Or are those dreams the dreams my mother thinks I have? The dreams that are about me being applauded and lifted up. The dreams based on my pride and not on Your Glory…. Father! Father! All I long for is for who YOU have made me to be! All the dreams I have inside are nothing if they do anything but bring glory to YOU.
“You can say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one.” I hate the song, but that line is all that comes to mind when I think of dreams.
“One night Joseph had a dream and promptly reported the details to his brothers, causing them to hate him even more. ‘Listen to this dream,’ he announced. “We were out in the field tying up bundles of grain. My bundle stood up and then your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before it!’
‘So you are going to be our king, are you?’ his brothers taunted. And they hated him all the more for his dream and what he had said.”
Is this what it is that holds us back, Father? Is it the fact that our own family members have issues with our dreams? Is it the cutting comments and the fear of being outcast from our own flesh and blood that keeps us from being who YOU have made us to be?
In my own life I have had many dreams ~ and many of those dreams have been scoffed at and even said to be foolish wanderings of my own flesh and pride. But, Father, there is something in me that burns to get out. There is a flame of desire in me that is not my own. If it were my own it would have been snuffed out a hundred times over in fear that I might actually make it. Instead, no matter what anyone says, and no matter what anyone does, the dream is bolstered and fanned. That’s You, isn’t it? That is not my dream ~ that is the dream YOU have placed in me to burst into fire when You say “go.”
Lord, I want to be found worthy of that day. As I mother my children; love, respect and cherish my husband, and draw closer and closer to You may my life be the dream You have placed in me lived out. I’m done dreaming for myself, Father ~ that’s Your job. Dream for my life and let me see what I need to do when I need to do it ~ and then to cling to You, realize “You + Me = Majority” and GO FOR IT.”
This life’s simply not worth living if it has not been lived for You…in You…of You…and for the sole purpose of getting as many people as is possible to realize that very simple fact. Surrender. I surrender all.
Your beloved,
Trayc
What were the dreams of my childhood? Being a great teacher ~ singing on a stage with thousands applauding and crying and being moved by the music ~ being swept off my feet by my knight in shining armor. All of them dreams I held deep in the recesses of my soul. What would I write on my paper for the Blue Bottle?
Lord, what I know is that there are dreams I have in my heart that I cannot explain. There are dreams and conscious understandings of what will be that I cannot fathom or ever believe *I* had the ability to conceptualize. Are those the dreams from You? The dreams I even dare not write here? The dreams that are bigger and more astounding than I could ever have imagined? Or are those dreams the dreams my mother thinks I have? The dreams that are about me being applauded and lifted up. The dreams based on my pride and not on Your Glory…. Father! Father! All I long for is for who YOU have made me to be! All the dreams I have inside are nothing if they do anything but bring glory to YOU.
“You can say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one.” I hate the song, but that line is all that comes to mind when I think of dreams.
“One night Joseph had a dream and promptly reported the details to his brothers, causing them to hate him even more. ‘Listen to this dream,’ he announced. “We were out in the field tying up bundles of grain. My bundle stood up and then your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before it!’
‘So you are going to be our king, are you?’ his brothers taunted. And they hated him all the more for his dream and what he had said.”
Is this what it is that holds us back, Father? Is it the fact that our own family members have issues with our dreams? Is it the cutting comments and the fear of being outcast from our own flesh and blood that keeps us from being who YOU have made us to be?
In my own life I have had many dreams ~ and many of those dreams have been scoffed at and even said to be foolish wanderings of my own flesh and pride. But, Father, there is something in me that burns to get out. There is a flame of desire in me that is not my own. If it were my own it would have been snuffed out a hundred times over in fear that I might actually make it. Instead, no matter what anyone says, and no matter what anyone does, the dream is bolstered and fanned. That’s You, isn’t it? That is not my dream ~ that is the dream YOU have placed in me to burst into fire when You say “go.”
Lord, I want to be found worthy of that day. As I mother my children; love, respect and cherish my husband, and draw closer and closer to You may my life be the dream You have placed in me lived out. I’m done dreaming for myself, Father ~ that’s Your job. Dream for my life and let me see what I need to do when I need to do it ~ and then to cling to You, realize “You + Me = Majority” and GO FOR IT.”
This life’s simply not worth living if it has not been lived for You…in You…of You…and for the sole purpose of getting as many people as is possible to realize that very simple fact. Surrender. I surrender all.
Your beloved,
Trayc
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
WOW
I was just reading an e-mail update from our church and learned that an older gentleman in our congregation has advanced leukemia. I don't know the man personally, but I know I've heard many people talk about him who DO know him. Currently our pastor is doing a series on Joseph. It's a powerful series about a man who, when you take a good look at his life and put "normal" reactions onto it, should have been bitter and vengeful but was instead confident and peaceful.
Our pastor said this in his e-mail, "What an amazing guy. His willingness to look for God in the midst of all kinds of difficulty is amazing to me. Joseph’s trust in the Lord in spite of rejection, mistreatment, and false accusation is a tremendous inspiration.
But that’s what God uses! That’s when God shines! Anyone can talk about faith. But showing it when the dark days come, that’s the real proof..."
Then he went on to say this about Art, the gentleman with leukemia, "And the dark days can come. I was just speaking with one of our long time leaders, Art Young. He’s been diagnosed with very advanced leukemia. He’s weak and vulnerable. I couldn’t even talk directly to him – too dangerous. He can walk outside but can’t touch anything – too dangerous…there might be a mold or fungus or bacteria that his body can’t resist.
So, he’s really bummed, right? Nope. This modern day Joseph talks about been “blown away by the blessings of God.” He’s working on a plan to find bone marrow donors. He excited about the prospect of helping others! Why? “Because I’m OK whether I live or die, but how often do you get a chance to save a human life?”
So I was curious and went to view Art's blog about being a donor...and then went to his personal blog and read the following...
"God has been so gracious to me. I’m so thankful. I’ve had three great days in a row. But, the best news is that today is the first day that ALL my blood components have gone in the right direction. Some of the changes are small, but all in the right direction. If this trend continues, I will not have to get transfusions until the stem cell transplant process, if that is God’s plan."
I got as far as "I've had three great days in a row" and I started crying ~ how amazing is that? Three great days and he rejoices. It's what I want to be in my life ~ to see each day as a gift and rejoice in what goes right more than in what goes wrong.
Lord, help me to see Your blessings in my life more than I see my trials. Focus my mind on heaven and what's to come ~ to know You "have my back" and to rest in Your strength and Your peace. Keep me in line with the Mother and Wife I want to be so I can be the wife and mother my husband and boys need me to be. I love you so much and long to be all You have created me to be. I can do all things through Your strength. Amen.
If you want to read Art's blog it's linked in the title ~ it's often through the eyes of those in tremendous adversity that we can be most encouraged in our own lives.
Have a great day ~ we're off to South Dakota today and am looking forward to seeing my family. (Some of whom Scott hasn't met yet!)
Love,
Trayc
Our pastor said this in his e-mail, "What an amazing guy. His willingness to look for God in the midst of all kinds of difficulty is amazing to me. Joseph’s trust in the Lord in spite of rejection, mistreatment, and false accusation is a tremendous inspiration.
But that’s what God uses! That’s when God shines! Anyone can talk about faith. But showing it when the dark days come, that’s the real proof..."
Then he went on to say this about Art, the gentleman with leukemia, "And the dark days can come. I was just speaking with one of our long time leaders, Art Young. He’s been diagnosed with very advanced leukemia. He’s weak and vulnerable. I couldn’t even talk directly to him – too dangerous. He can walk outside but can’t touch anything – too dangerous…there might be a mold or fungus or bacteria that his body can’t resist.
So, he’s really bummed, right? Nope. This modern day Joseph talks about been “blown away by the blessings of God.” He’s working on a plan to find bone marrow donors. He excited about the prospect of helping others! Why? “Because I’m OK whether I live or die, but how often do you get a chance to save a human life?”
So I was curious and went to view Art's blog about being a donor...and then went to his personal blog and read the following...
"God has been so gracious to me. I’m so thankful. I’ve had three great days in a row. But, the best news is that today is the first day that ALL my blood components have gone in the right direction. Some of the changes are small, but all in the right direction. If this trend continues, I will not have to get transfusions until the stem cell transplant process, if that is God’s plan."
I got as far as "I've had three great days in a row" and I started crying ~ how amazing is that? Three great days and he rejoices. It's what I want to be in my life ~ to see each day as a gift and rejoice in what goes right more than in what goes wrong.
Lord, help me to see Your blessings in my life more than I see my trials. Focus my mind on heaven and what's to come ~ to know You "have my back" and to rest in Your strength and Your peace. Keep me in line with the Mother and Wife I want to be so I can be the wife and mother my husband and boys need me to be. I love you so much and long to be all You have created me to be. I can do all things through Your strength. Amen.
If you want to read Art's blog it's linked in the title ~ it's often through the eyes of those in tremendous adversity that we can be most encouraged in our own lives.
Have a great day ~ we're off to South Dakota today and am looking forward to seeing my family. (Some of whom Scott hasn't met yet!)
Love,
Trayc
Wednesday, June 7, 2006
It's been awhile since I've posted a "real" entry...
I'm slowly going out of my mind. And I know why. I'm not taking the time to do what I need to do so I can do what I want to do. There's an old Amy Grant song that I used to love to sing. The chorus goes something like this..."and I'd love to live on this mountaintop. Fellowshipping with the Lord. I'd love to stay on the mountaintop, 'cause I love to feel my spirit soar." I miss the days when I could drive wherever I wanted to without having to shut my music off and say, "what?" *grin* Tonight I got a taste of what it used to be like....Scott's working and the boys and I took off for a drive. It was so nice at first...the boys were simply eating their Vanilla Frosty's and talking between the two of them and I was able to get lost in the CD I was listening to. I loved it. And then we made a stop and by the time we got back in the car the boys wanted to include me in their conversations again. (not that I minded...too much. I love that my boys want to include me in what they're talking about and want to nurture that now with the knowledge that one day, if I don't nurture it now, they may very well shut me out...heck, they may shut me out anyway, but I'm praying an
d preparing for the opposite.) So, my time lost in my own little world was short lived ~ but wonderful, nonetheless.
God is good, though. He knew that today of all days I needed it. Yesterday the boys did this:
Yes, you see it correctly ~ they decided to make Caleb's mattress into a slide. It was perfectly ingenius, really, but perfectly dangerous, and, since they were supposed to be in their beds reading, perfectly disobedient. The picture is of them trying to get it back up on Caleb's top bunk. I had to grab my camera because it really was too much even for me to believe. So...on Wednesday mornings they get to go to Church for our MOMS group with me. They love going to church because they have so much fun in their classrooms and love to play with their friends, etc, etc, etc. Their punishment was that they would not be going to church this morning. (it wasn't a big deal for me to miss today...) However. I had gotten a call to help setup this morning, so long story short we ended up going to the church, but we were just going to help setup then we were coming home........... So imagine how thrilled I was when both boys threw up once we got to the church!!! YEE HAW! Yes, Caleb waited until we were in the kitchen to throw up three times (thankfully it was really the best floor to toss his cookies on), and Micah threw up in the hallway a little bit (bless his little heart...he actually tried to hold it IN his mouth until he got to the bathroom!), and then sat in front of a toilet for at least 10 minutes trying to (in his words) "make sure I'm done."
Now, I had figured that maybe this was just their body's reactions to not having eaten very much the night before, nor having a very big breakfast this morning, so after Caleb got everything out of his system I asked if he was hungry. :) He was, so I gave him a plain mini bagel. He ate all of it. When I offered Micah a bagel he didn't want it, and Caleb ate all of his, too. I thought, "Good! Caleb is okay ~ he just needed some actual food in his stomach. Micah's a bit more prone to tummy probs, so I'll keep an eye on him..."
Caleb lost both bagels on the way home.
Caleb was hungry when he got home, and since he refused to listen to me to not eat anything for awhile and snuck pistachios he got to throw up some more.
Micah just kept throwing up.
Life is wonderful all the time...and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in the clean white coats and won't they please come and take me away? Ha! Ha! (LOL!)
I love that God helps me laugh about this ~ when I'm on single parent duty at times I think satan just holds it all until Scott has a trip and then BAM! Woo Hoo!! There may be truth to that because I know my mind-set changes to a sort-of "I don't have to cook a real dinner! I don't have to have stuff all done...we can cuddle on the couch and watch movies and we can go to the park and play and then we'll come home and we'll do a marathon clean-up before Daddy comes home and we'll have a blast!" And my guard kind of goes down....it's not a good thing.
I'm workin' on that.
Scott doesn't come home until Saturday and tomorrow is our marathon cleaning day! See? Improvement already! :)
Okay...I had told my cousin, Dave, that I was going to blog about something very serious that I eluded to the other day. I'm finding that I'm just not ready to write about it completely yet, but I will ask you to please pray for some friends of mine. Well, that's not a completely true statement. The people I'm asking you to pray for weren't the friends of mine...their wife and mother was, but they need prayer in a very big way.
Scott, Caleb, Micah & I went to Redding over Memorial Day weekend (also my Dad's birthday), and when I arrived at our old church on Sunday morning a friend told me that a gal I used to know pretty well through our lady's Bible study had died of a drug overdose on Thursday morning.
Yeah. Christians hurt.
Sometimes in ways other people can't even fathom.
And many Christians who hurt have no idea how to get past it.
That makes me very sad.
And I can't even imagine how sad it makes our Saviour.
Janell had five children and step-child. Her husband Rodney is also a drug user....I'm angry, sad and angry all over again over the lives they were making their children live, but I am most of all driven to my knees for them.
Like I said, I'm not ready to write about the whole thing...maybe soon. Maybe not.
Please pray for them. Pray for me. Pray for our world to "search for the Lord and for His strength...and keep searching."
"Because He lives...I can face tomorrow. Because He lives...all fear is gone. Because I know Who holds tomorrow. Life is worth the living, just because He lives." (Gaither)
John 14:27.........
d preparing for the opposite.) So, my time lost in my own little world was short lived ~ but wonderful, nonetheless.God is good, though. He knew that today of all days I needed it. Yesterday the boys did this:
Yes, you see it correctly ~ they decided to make Caleb's mattress into a slide. It was perfectly ingenius, really, but perfectly dangerous, and, since they were supposed to be in their beds reading, perfectly disobedient. The picture is of them trying to get it back up on Caleb's top bunk. I had to grab my camera because it really was too much even for me to believe. So...on Wednesday mornings they get to go to Church for our MOMS group with me. They love going to church because they have so much fun in their classrooms and love to play with their friends, etc, etc, etc. Their punishment was that they would not be going to church this morning. (it wasn't a big deal for me to miss today...) However. I had gotten a call to help setup this morning, so long story short we ended up going to the church, but we were just going to help setup then we were coming home........... So imagine how thrilled I was when both boys threw up once we got to the church!!! YEE HAW! Yes, Caleb waited until we were in the kitchen to throw up three times (thankfully it was really the best floor to toss his cookies on), and Micah threw up in the hallway a little bit (bless his little heart...he actually tried to hold it IN his mouth until he got to the bathroom!), and then sat in front of a toilet for at least 10 minutes trying to (in his words) "make sure I'm done."
Now, I had figured that maybe this was just their body's reactions to not having eaten very much the night before, nor having a very big breakfast this morning, so after Caleb got everything out of his system I asked if he was hungry. :) He was, so I gave him a plain mini bagel. He ate all of it. When I offered Micah a bagel he didn't want it, and Caleb ate all of his, too. I thought, "Good! Caleb is okay ~ he just needed some actual food in his stomach. Micah's a bit more prone to tummy probs, so I'll keep an eye on him..."
Caleb lost both bagels on the way home.
Caleb was hungry when he got home, and since he refused to listen to me to not eat anything for awhile and snuck pistachios he got to throw up some more.
Micah just kept throwing up.
Life is wonderful all the time...and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in the clean white coats and won't they please come and take me away? Ha! Ha! (LOL!)
I love that God helps me laugh about this ~ when I'm on single parent duty at times I think satan just holds it all until Scott has a trip and then BAM! Woo Hoo!! There may be truth to that because I know my mind-set changes to a sort-of "I don't have to cook a real dinner! I don't have to have stuff all done...we can cuddle on the couch and watch movies and we can go to the park and play and then we'll come home and we'll do a marathon clean-up before Daddy comes home and we'll have a blast!" And my guard kind of goes down....it's not a good thing.
I'm workin' on that.
Scott doesn't come home until Saturday and tomorrow is our marathon cleaning day! See? Improvement already! :)
Okay...I had told my cousin, Dave, that I was going to blog about something very serious that I eluded to the other day. I'm finding that I'm just not ready to write about it completely yet, but I will ask you to please pray for some friends of mine. Well, that's not a completely true statement. The people I'm asking you to pray for weren't the friends of mine...their wife and mother was, but they need prayer in a very big way.
Scott, Caleb, Micah & I went to Redding over Memorial Day weekend (also my Dad's birthday), and when I arrived at our old church on Sunday morning a friend told me that a gal I used to know pretty well through our lady's Bible study had died of a drug overdose on Thursday morning.
Yeah. Christians hurt.
Sometimes in ways other people can't even fathom.
And many Christians who hurt have no idea how to get past it.
That makes me very sad.
And I can't even imagine how sad it makes our Saviour.
Janell had five children and step-child. Her husband Rodney is also a drug user....I'm angry, sad and angry all over again over the lives they were making their children live, but I am most of all driven to my knees for them.
Like I said, I'm not ready to write about the whole thing...maybe soon. Maybe not.
Please pray for them. Pray for me. Pray for our world to "search for the Lord and for His strength...and keep searching."
"Because He lives...I can face tomorrow. Because He lives...all fear is gone. Because I know Who holds tomorrow. Life is worth the living, just because He lives." (Gaither)
John 14:27.........
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Remember when...?
Man! I've got so much going on in my head formulating for a post, but I'm not quite there.... We were in CA this weekend and so much...so much stuff...is running around in my head that I'm still trying to figure out what I think of it all. It was a great weekend ~ I loved seeing my friends and all of Scott's family (they're my family, too, now... :) )....but there was also so much stuff that came to my ears that I'm trying to process out. (Can you tell I'm befuddled by what I think? WOW~ this is such jibberish!) So...all that to say a new post will be coming soon.
The real reason I wanted to post though, was because I wanted to share a website with you. My Mother-in-Love sent it to me a while ago and I visited it today as I was cleaning out my e-mail box. It was what I needed to take me back to a more simple time and remind me what I want to give my boys ~ a simple life that isn't obstructed and crazy-busy so they don't know how to play or how to see dinosaurs in the clouds when they have kids of their own. Here's the link....http://www.frontiernet.net/~jlbeam/specials/remember/remember.html or you can click on the "Remember when...?" title above, too.
Let me know what you remember! I wish I could sit down and reminisce with y'all.... here are some of my "remembers"....
*cruising mainstreet Platte with my best Friend Tammy meant putting 50 miles of circles on my car in one night...and putting out the fire that started when we added oil to my car one night after we'd been cruising for awhile. (I think that's a whole new post all together....Dad, don't worry...the capri was fine!) :)
*7-Up "spot" was my car's mascot and had suction cups that stuck to my rear window
*Going through the McDonald's drive through and asking for 6 waters because the boys we liked were working drive through that night and my cousin wanted to see what he looked like
*7-Up and Twin Bings at Grandpa's shop between Worthing and Beresford
*The find of the century was a "new song" called "The Twist" by Run DMC (but it was old...we just thought it was new)
*Being introduced to Tommy Roe's "Sweet Pea" album at my 4th grade birthday slumber party because we were blasting the new "Grease" songs and Dad said we needed real 50's music...and then watching my friends dance with my Dad to Tommy Roe!
What are some of yours?....I'd love to hear!
The real reason I wanted to post though, was because I wanted to share a website with you. My Mother-in-Love sent it to me a while ago and I visited it today as I was cleaning out my e-mail box. It was what I needed to take me back to a more simple time and remind me what I want to give my boys ~ a simple life that isn't obstructed and crazy-busy so they don't know how to play or how to see dinosaurs in the clouds when they have kids of their own. Here's the link....http://www.frontiernet.net/~jlbeam/specials/remember/remember.html or you can click on the "Remember when...?" title above, too.
Let me know what you remember! I wish I could sit down and reminisce with y'all.... here are some of my "remembers"....
*cruising mainstreet Platte with my best Friend Tammy meant putting 50 miles of circles on my car in one night...and putting out the fire that started when we added oil to my car one night after we'd been cruising for awhile. (I think that's a whole new post all together....Dad, don't worry...the capri was fine!) :)
*7-Up "spot" was my car's mascot and had suction cups that stuck to my rear window
*Going through the McDonald's drive through and asking for 6 waters because the boys we liked were working drive through that night and my cousin wanted to see what he looked like
*7-Up and Twin Bings at Grandpa's shop between Worthing and Beresford
*The find of the century was a "new song" called "The Twist" by Run DMC (but it was old...we just thought it was new)
*Being introduced to Tommy Roe's "Sweet Pea" album at my 4th grade birthday slumber party because we were blasting the new "Grease" songs and Dad said we needed real 50's music...and then watching my friends dance with my Dad to Tommy Roe!
What are some of yours?....I'd love to hear!
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Blogging...
Hello to all of you who bother to read this. I'm feeling compelled to explain a few things lest someone who is unfamiliar with the electronic world of internet and the such think what you see is more than what it really is.
#1: My blog looks nice...at least, I think it does. That's why I picked the template I did. I did not design the blog ~ it's a template that I clicked on and it became "my blog." Really cool how people who have time help those of us with no time seem like we took a lot of time.... :)
#2: What I write on here isn't about trying to seem "religious" or "holier than thou" or anything like that. What I write on here are the thoughts of a woman who at any given moment has at least 10 times the amount of thoughts going through her head than what she actually shares, writes, says or does anything with. The "religious" things on here aren't about that ~ they're about who I wish I was more of. They're about who I long to be. My favorite quote (at the moment) is, "It's never too late to be what you always wished you were." So, to those of you who think this is just a "religious" thing, my greatest prayer is that what I have can be what you have and you'll one day understand it's so much more.
#3: Admittedly, when I take the time to write something here there are other things I could be doing; other people I could (should) be writing to, and other projects I should be working on, but when I write here it's out of necessity, not desire. Writing is what keeps me sane. Getting my feelings ~ no matter how messed up, hopeful or whatever ~ out on "paper" is like therapy to my mind...and my family because I'm more capable of handling two very active boys, a busy husband and a home that I wish was more in control than out.
#4: Just because I write on here and don't send you a personal note is not meant to be an insult to you. It is simply what it is....writing for my sanity in the hopes that someone will be encouraged, lifted up, challenged or even turned around through what I write. If you are insulted by whatever else I'm supposed to be doing but not getting done and equate the "amount of time" I put in to my blog as time that should be put elsewhere then I need to apologize for God who made me the way I am ~ faults and all ~ and needs for my sanity that may not be needs for your sanity. I appreciate those who know me and accept me for the person in process that I am. To you I say thank you from the bottom of my heart because you help me keep going when I look in the mirror that is my life at times and wish I was anyone else but me...I wish I was organized, on top of things, and whatever I see in all my friends and family that I want more of.
Some of you are probably going "huh?" I'm sorry for that...I just felt the need to explain that this is not a big deal for me to write something here ~ this post took all of 4 minutes ~ and that I am working toward taking care of my friendships as much as I take care of my own sanity. Thank you for the graciousness you extend to me in accepting me for me and knowing that just because I didn't send a Christmas card or even a picture of my boys or even an e-mail for 2 years (some of you longer!) doesn't mean you are not in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart every day.
Thanks for reading...
Sincerely,
Trayc
#1: My blog looks nice...at least, I think it does. That's why I picked the template I did. I did not design the blog ~ it's a template that I clicked on and it became "my blog." Really cool how people who have time help those of us with no time seem like we took a lot of time.... :)
#2: What I write on here isn't about trying to seem "religious" or "holier than thou" or anything like that. What I write on here are the thoughts of a woman who at any given moment has at least 10 times the amount of thoughts going through her head than what she actually shares, writes, says or does anything with. The "religious" things on here aren't about that ~ they're about who I wish I was more of. They're about who I long to be. My favorite quote (at the moment) is, "It's never too late to be what you always wished you were." So, to those of you who think this is just a "religious" thing, my greatest prayer is that what I have can be what you have and you'll one day understand it's so much more.
#3: Admittedly, when I take the time to write something here there are other things I could be doing; other people I could (should) be writing to, and other projects I should be working on, but when I write here it's out of necessity, not desire. Writing is what keeps me sane. Getting my feelings ~ no matter how messed up, hopeful or whatever ~ out on "paper" is like therapy to my mind...and my family because I'm more capable of handling two very active boys, a busy husband and a home that I wish was more in control than out.
#4: Just because I write on here and don't send you a personal note is not meant to be an insult to you. It is simply what it is....writing for my sanity in the hopes that someone will be encouraged, lifted up, challenged or even turned around through what I write. If you are insulted by whatever else I'm supposed to be doing but not getting done and equate the "amount of time" I put in to my blog as time that should be put elsewhere then I need to apologize for God who made me the way I am ~ faults and all ~ and needs for my sanity that may not be needs for your sanity. I appreciate those who know me and accept me for the person in process that I am. To you I say thank you from the bottom of my heart because you help me keep going when I look in the mirror that is my life at times and wish I was anyone else but me...I wish I was organized, on top of things, and whatever I see in all my friends and family that I want more of.
Some of you are probably going "huh?" I'm sorry for that...I just felt the need to explain that this is not a big deal for me to write something here ~ this post took all of 4 minutes ~ and that I am working toward taking care of my friendships as much as I take care of my own sanity. Thank you for the graciousness you extend to me in accepting me for me and knowing that just because I didn't send a Christmas card or even a picture of my boys or even an e-mail for 2 years (some of you longer!) doesn't mean you are not in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart every day.
Thanks for reading...
Sincerely,
Trayc
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Ten on Tuesday
Here's your Ten on Tuesday- pick from the list which one you believe you are.
Who or which do you resemble or identify with more- just pick one:
Anne of Green Gables or Laura Ingalls Wilder? Anne of Green Gables
polka dot or stripe? polka dot
Green or Blue? blue
Ocean or Mountain? both
art or music? music
dog or cat? dog
Sarah, Plain and Tall or Anne Elliot? Anne Elliot
scrambled or fried egg? scrambled
turkey or chicken? chicken
Winnie the Pooh, Owl, Piglet, Tigger, or Eeyore? Tigger
Who or which do you resemble or identify with more- just pick one:
Anne of Green Gables or Laura Ingalls Wilder? Anne of Green Gables
polka dot or stripe? polka dot
Green or Blue? blue
Ocean or Mountain? both
art or music? music
dog or cat? dog
Sarah, Plain and Tall or Anne Elliot? Anne Elliot
scrambled or fried egg? scrambled
turkey or chicken? chicken
Winnie the Pooh, Owl, Piglet, Tigger, or Eeyore? Tigger
Friday, March 31, 2006
The Wise Man Builds His House Upon the Rock
I saw this picture on the HP website linked to my title, and I thought it was really cool! Do you see the house built in the shadow of the rock? I immediately thought of my life being built in the shadow of my Heavenly Father. It's one of those reactions that is so difficult to put into words...but it's a comfort, a peace, an excitement and an awe that transcends common communication. Only He can do that to me...in such a powerful way.
Also, if you click on the picture you can view it full-size....if you look closely at the courtyard of the house, you can see a cross on the right hand side. I look at those steps and I think of the journey we all take to find Jesus.
Some of us think we need to work at it ~ it's up to US to make it up those stairs because by-golly He gave us two feet and He expects us to use them. However, while that's partly true, He doesn't expect us to use our feet in our power to come to the cross and find Him.
Some of us think we should be given the easy way out and just get to the cross by looking at it. Looking at something never made it happen.
Then there are those of us who realize those steps must be climbed...it's a decision we make...but we don't get there in our power. It's the grace of God that brings us home to Him. I picture it in relation to this picture as we start walking saying, "Yes, Lord...I want to be closer to You. I want You in my life and if I have to make that decision to stop staying where I'm at then I'm making it now. But I can't climb on these feet! I need You. Come and take over so I can stand where You are." And as we stand on the steps with our arms uplifted like a child reaching up to it's Daddy to carry it home His hand reaches down and takes ours and we climb together. And, before we know it, we're at the top ~ Hand in hand with Jesus looking at the very object that made the journey possible. And we fall. Flat on our face we fall before Him as the impact of His sacrifice hits us...his feet are bare and bleeding from the climb up those steps, but our feet are wrapped in thick, rich leather and are perfectly safe. Then we look at the hands that reached out to help us up the steps and we are breathless as we look at the scars on his palm ~ and the shadow of the cross falls across his face. Breathlessly we stare as He smiles down on us and says, "You were worth it. Come with me now, for I'm no longer on that piece of wood ~ I'm here, alive, before you and I long to spend the day with you!" We timidly reach out and grasp the nail-scarred hand and stand to our full height as the words He has said reaches our souls and gives us reason to stand firm in the shoes of righteousness He has shod us in. And we smile. We smile with an understanding that the journey is worth it ~ just to spend a day with Jesus.
As Easter approaches I hope you'll find the opportunity to kneel before the cross and see the sacrifice that was made for you and me. I pray that the impact of that touches you like it's never touched you before. Let Him create in you a clean heart ~ let Him search you and know your anxious thoughts. He longs to love you. He longs to comfort you and to bring you joy like you've never known before. Won't you let Him make Himself known to you now? What are you waiting for? Do something today worth looking back on and saying "today I made the best decision of my life....my eternal life."
I hope I don't get in trouble for putting this picture on here. Check out the HP project website ~ they've got some really cool designs...and I'm a huge HP fan when it comes to printers!! :)
Have a wonder-filled day. Think about your house being built on the rock...be the wise man, not the foolish man.
Sponhem Bohem
Friday, March 24, 2006
2006 will be...
I ran across this list somewhere ~ at this point I honestly can't remember where, but thought it was the perfect way to help us keep the year in perspective. Hope you enjoy it...and if you don't...well, just because you may not believe it doesn't mean it's not true! :) Have a great day!
THE TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2006
1. The Bible will still have the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.
And Remember...God is still on the Throne !
THE TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR 2006
1. The Bible will still have the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.
And Remember...God is still on the Throne !
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Okay - I think this is kinda cool. My favorite state in the entire United States is Colorado. In fact, Scott often says as a joke that when I get to heaven I'm going to say to God, "y'know, God, this is nice....but it's not Colorado." (of course I WON'T, but it's funny and it does sum up how I feel about Colorado.)
So, I stumbled upon this cool little quiz and here are my results:
Cool, huh? Since Vancouver is home now (right across the river from Portland) and I feel like we are living in the place where we'll be living for a longer time than past places (hopefully a MUCH longer time) and Colorado is someplace else I'd like to live, I think this quiz is pretty much right on. Not to mention that I love Texas and Hawaii is my favorite vacation spot. Woo Hoo! Have fun taking the quiz and let me know what you find out!
Have a great week! And check back ~ there's LOTS to catch y'all up on...CRAZY DAYS! :)
Trayc
So, I stumbled upon this cool little quiz and here are my results:
American Cities That Best Fit You: |
| 80% Denver |
| 75% Seattle |
| 70% Portland |
| 65% Austin |
| 65% Honolulu |
Cool, huh? Since Vancouver is home now (right across the river from Portland) and I feel like we are living in the place where we'll be living for a longer time than past places (hopefully a MUCH longer time) and Colorado is someplace else I'd like to live, I think this quiz is pretty much right on. Not to mention that I love Texas and Hawaii is my favorite vacation spot. Woo Hoo! Have fun taking the quiz and let me know what you find out!
Have a great week! And check back ~ there's LOTS to catch y'all up on...CRAZY DAYS! :)
Trayc