King V. Roe

It's interesting what yesterday and  today's dates signify. On one hand we have Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday. A man dedicated to freeing people no matter where they came from or the color of their skin. A man who saw the value of every human life. A man who was willing to die for something he believed in.

On the other hand we have the anniversary of Roe v. Wade. An anniversary of a decision in which millions (latest estimate is 53 million to date) of people have been sacrificed for the sake of personal gain. An anniversary that devalues every human life. An anniversary that has been willing to kill to make people believe.

I spent time yesterday reading through some of Dr. King's speeches. This man of God ~ a man of tremendous faith who knew that every life was valuable and worth fighting for ~ is a hero in our day. He is a man to be upheld and thanked publicly for the good he helped to bring about in our country. Every person, no matter their skin color or ethnicity, is a human being made in the image of God and therefore deserves to know the real beauty of freedom.

I have spent many days over the past 25 years thinking about Roe v. Wade. When I was in college, before I ever thought I would find myself in a place of having to make a "choice", a friend and I were talking about abortion and the girls we'd gone to school with who had made that choice. In all my self-righteous haughtiness I sucked in a deep breath, puffed out my chest and said, "Well! If I am *ever* in that situation I would *never* dream of having an abortion! I plan to wait until I'm married to have sex, but if I ever find myself in that situation I would certainly choose adoption!"

A short 6 years later I placed a phone call to Planned Parenthood asking what my options were.

I was barely pregnant ~ not even three weeks ~ but they said I'd have to wait another 5 weeks to abort but could make my appointment now. There was no compassion. There was no understanding. There was nothing but disdain for the fact that I would be so stupid and would need their services to hide my shame.

My boyfriend thought it'd be the right choice to make, although it did come out it wasn't what he wanted...just what he thought would be best for both of us.

I couldn't think of only me.

Every second of every day I thought of the life growing inside me, and I knew I could not ever make that appointment. I know friends who, although dealing with the same thoughts, made that appointment. My heart breaks for them when they tell me their story. Not because I think they were foolish and stupid enough to render the services of a multi-billion dollar industry. Not because I think they were weak and self-centered to make that choice. Not because of my own piety. No. My heart breaks because I know what it's like to be in that position and wonder how in the world your initial choice would ever turn into something good based on the position you are now in. My heart breaks because I know what leads to making that choice.

Last night a new series began. It is called "Surrender the Secret." It is a reality show that will follow five post-abortive women through a Bible Study by the same name. Here is the trailer for it:

I encourage you, whether you are post-abortive or not, to watch this series. There are women around the world who are holding this secret close to their hearts. For those who are Christians (yes, even good Christian girls make this choice) it is a secret akin to Hester Prynne in "The Scarlet Letter." They wonder what their fellow Christians would think of them if only they knew. There is a fear of how they would be perceived and how forgiveness could really be accepted for *this* sin. In a relationship with a Savior Who says, "Come to Me all who are burdened and heavy laden and I will give you rest" their greatest fear is how their "brothers and sisters in Christ" will respond if their secret got out.

Again...heartbreaking.

I could go off on such a tangent here! I find it to be a fine line between grace and justice, but for the sake of a soul I would rather err on the side of grace....

Watch this series with me ~ let your heart be troubled for those whose hearts hold burdens they should no longer be made to bear.

Watch "Surrender the Secret" Here

You Are

Do any of you journal? If you do, do you ever pull them out and look at what life was like 5, 10, 15 years ago? I recently had to have the hard drive on my computer replaced, and while I was going through my software discs to find the programs I needed to put on the new hard drive I ran across a disc that held documents from 10 years ago. My boys would have been 3 and 1 (or, in some cases, not quite born yet or just born).

I was rather convicted about something. It seemed that my heart was more tender, more creative, in the way it responded to what God was teaching me. I admit that I have an innate sense of wonder about me, but as I've gotten older and experienced more I also have to be honest and say that the luster has worn off on some of what I thought my life would be. It's not a bad thing. No. It's not a bad thing...because like a favorite leather briefcase or purse I have found that with the rubbings, the jarrings, the unexpected spills and falls and foibles there comes a warm and homey patina. To know my life has begun to gain a patina, if you will, is a blessing because it means I've experienced life and lived to tell about it so far.

However, sometimes a patina isn't such a good thing. Like when it means the luster has worn off on a relationship or your once-exciting-and-vibrant wash of commitment to something has dulled and become worn. Much like I realized as I read through some of my writings from 10 years ago.

I wrote a lot more poetically then. Maybe it's because my Mommy's brain wasn't able to focus long enough to write full sentences so poetry flowed more easily. Whatever the reason, though, I can remember what was going on when I wrote some of them. Like this one:

Freedom of Sweet Release 

Trayc Foskett 2003 

To know the freedom of sweet release 

Is to feel the chains of bondage cease 

To know the One who set me free 

Is to love that One for eternity 

To love like yesterday’s no more 

Is to find the love I looked for before 

To see the light in my earthly gift’s eyes 

Is to know what I once thought was truth is actually lies 

The evil one tries to keep me in chains 

The Righteous One comes and stakes me His claim 

Never again will I be bonded to death 

The One who saved me assures me of this 

To know the freedom of sweet release 

To know the Savior promises peace 

To know that forever with Him I will live 

Is to raise my hands in surrender and to Him my life give

I remember writing this. I was going through Beth Moore's "Breaking Free" study. I didn't realize just how much I allowed the chains of my past to hold me back from being who God had made me to be, but in going through this study at this time of my life ~ Bam was only a couple months old when I started and was already proving to be a handful and NOT a sleeper, The Hubster was traveling to the Coast Tuesday through Friday and only home on weekends, CJ was 3 and wanted so much of my attention, we lived even then away from our immediate families, and I was fully entrenched in the New-Mommy mentality of "how am I going to do this?" ~ I realized something more. My past and my inner struggles with who I thought I was supposed to be wasn't enough to hold God back from loving me. When I realized how deep and how wide His love and grace were, I couldn't help but write the poem above.

It's funny, though, looking back on these writings. Because the boys were so young and The Hubster was traveling so much I tend to think I didn't have time to do much studying and writing and such. Seeing these reminds me that no matter where we are in life, when it comes to what we are called to do, we will find time for it. If we don't find time for it we will slowly wither. If we allow ourselves to slowly wither for too long we shrivel. If we shrivel too much we die. From a Mom who realizes just how busy life can be and sometimes holds on to too much weight of the world on her shoulders may I say something to you? DON'T WITHER! Take the time to figure out what it is that you *cannot* NOT do! Remain vibrant. Remain alive. Seek your calling and, even if it means you do it in snippets, do it.

The next poem I found is just as relevant to my journey today as it was 10 years ago. I get scared sometimes. Scared that I might actually write something and have someone respond to it. Scared that I might share something I wrote and have someone tell me it's crap. Scared that I might not really hear my calling correctly...for a long time I thought it was to be a singer and my life would be filled with music at all times. I get scared that I might cause more burdens for people than helps and in my writing and thinking I should share it someone thinks I'm in it for me and not for the purpose of bringing hope to a hurting world.

I.

That's the problem word right there. It's when I realize fear is starting to overtake me that I have to step back and pull my focus away from that word.... I. Ninth letter of the alphabet. One letter = One word. Ownership. Self-centeredness. Pride.

When fear comes in and pulls us away from the work we are to be doing it's time to remember something...

Lord, You Are 

Trayc Foskett 2003 

I’m staring at this computer screen thinking 

“Lord, You Are” 

In my eyes they seem to be blinking 

“Lord, You Are” 

It’s the truth that I hold to 

When I don’t know where to go to… 

“Lord, You Are” 

You Are… 

Comfort to my hurting heart 

Calm to the anxious part 

Peace to my bundled nerves 

Protection from my angry swerves 

Direction to my scrambled thoughts 

Cleaner of all my sin-stained blots 

Rest to my weary bones 

Hearer of all my silent moans 

Keeper of my private dreams 

Deliverer of my fearful screams 

Counselor for my colorful past 

Reminder of what will truly last 

Savior of my unworthy life 

Bridegroom to this lucky wife 

Everything I ever could ask for 

Everything…and so much more 

So as I sit here at this computer screen thinking 

Of the things in me that seem to be stinking 

I will trust You for what You are doing in me 

To make me the me that You need me to be 

Knowing You’re doing what You’re doing for a reason 

In this time and in this season 

I will cling to three words that will help me go far… 

Three mighty words… “Lord, You ARE”

I don't know where you're at in your life right now. Maybe you're a high school student who is wondering where your future will take you. Maybe you're a college student wondering what the future holds. Maybe you're a Parent wondering what kind of world your kids will grow up in. Maybe you're a Grandparent looking back and seeing places you succeeded and places you wish you had done differently. Maybe you're single. Maybe you're married. Maybe you're reading this in English or having Google translate it for you to your native language. It doesn't matter who, where or what you are....what matters is Who HE is. HE, God Almighty, is the Great I Am, and that is what matters.

The other night I watched a concert for Newtown, CT and Max Lucado shared a phrase, "The Lord is my Shepherd." He at one time asked the audience what their favorite word was in that phrase. Many shouted out "Shepherd" or "Lord" or "My." Max laughed and pointed out that there really wasn't a bad word in the entire phrase but that his favorite word was, "IS." God IS...He isn't WAS as in past tense...He isn't GONNA BE as in the future...HE IS.

Cling to that no matter where your world is going, okay? Cling to the fact that you have been called to two things and only one of them is exactly the same as everyone else. What is that, you ask? It's to experience the Freedom of Sweet Release. To know WHO you are because you know WHOSE you are. The other thing is up to you and God to find out. The second thing you've been called to is your calling...your purpose...the reason you interact with the people you do and have the quirky-quirks about you that you do. Take the time to discover both of them and you'll be amazed at the joy that will bubble out of you.

IN closing may I hearken back to my Lutheran upbringing and leave you with a benediction?

Go in peace. Serve the Lord.

THE DOOR

The following is a story I wrote 5 years ago (that many!? OY!) and is one of my personal favorites. I've tried to space it in such a way as to capture the rhythm of the story, but the truth is, everyone will hear it differently as they read it. My suggestion is to take the time to put yourself IN the story...drink it in and put yourself in the shoes of both girls (you can change them to boys) in the story.

I'd love to hear your thoughts...I have many of my own about this one! Here you go...

THE DOOR by Trayc Foskett, 2009


Everyday she walked past it.

Some days she stopped and looked at it, others she barely noticed it at all.

But everyday she walked past it.

She knew it was there.

She couldn't deny its' presence.

She tried.

But it was obviously there.

One day when she stopped to study it a friend stood beside her and asked why she didn't just open it.  It was a door, after all, and doors were meant to be opened...right?

She looked at her friend with a look of resignation then simply answered, "it's locked."

"Locked?" Her friend asked, "Didn't you get the key when you bought the house?"

"Yes. It's hanging right there on that hook."

"Then why don't you open it?"

"Because...I don't trust it." 

"what is there not to trust?" her friend asked in dismay, "it's a DOOR!"

"Well, what's behind it?" she asked. It was actually more of a statement since she didn't really think the subject was up for discussion.

Dumbfounded her friend blurted, "You don't even KNOW?"

"Of course not. It's locked."

She stopped then and looked again at the door. She had done so many times over the years. The truth is, the door had been hidden by a bookcase at first. The locked door was too confusing, and it really disrupted her plans for the house, so she simply denied it's presence and placed the bookcase in front of it.

Not that it helped. She still knew it was there, and each time she walked by she got that uneasy feeling of curiosity and fear int he pit of her stomach. So one day she moved the bookcase again. Now the door was available...but it was still locked.

"What are you afraid of?" The quiet probing voice of her friend pulled her from her reverie.

"Oh. Uh, what? Afraid of...? Pshaw...I'm not *afraid* of anything."

"Then why won't you open it?"

As the question hung in the air like steam on a foggy night all the reasons she had told herself over the years came coursing through her mind.

*What if it's the door to a horrible event that occurred in this house ~ her dream home ~ and she'd have to give it up?

*What if it's a room that holds the promise of an overwhelming project of removing junk, cleaning out and restoring it's original beauty...or worse yet, a complete remodel?

*What if at first glance it seems to be perfect and wonderful, but as it is used more the flaws and disappointments become clear?

*What if, instead of a grand room, it ends up being a small and useless little closet?

*What if it's nothing?

It was that last question that really held her back. What if, after all these years of speculation, dreaming, planning and wondering it ended up being...nothing?

She didn't think she could handle it if that were the case. So she simply left it alone and lived in hopes that someday...someday she'd know.

Her friend studied her face as she reflected on what was holding her back. What she saw there broke her heart a bit. She knew where that door led. She had spent much time in the room beyond the door when her grandparents owned the house. She knew how beautiful and peaceful it was. She also knew that it was locked not to keep everyone out, but because the room was so special, so precious, that it was her grandparent's idea to give everyone who wanted to go in the choice as to whether to take the chance.

The key hung right beside the door. All anyone needed to do was grasp the key, place it in the lock, turn it, and accept the gift of beauty the room beyond offered.

The obstacle was getting beyond the unknown.

Her friend knew all this, and so she stood quietly beside her as she debated within herself.

Quiet encouragement flowed from her friend's mouth with each utterance of, "what if...."

To each question there was a simple response of truth.

To each doubt, there was given courage.

To each rejection there was given another opportunity.

Finally she took a timid step toward the door. She continued, haltingly, until she stood before the hook holding the key.

She sucked in a slow, deep breath and blew it out. Not once, but twice.

She lifted her hand and stopped in mid-air. Quickly, with fear wall-papered all over her face, she turned to her friend and said, "what do I need to do?"

"Trust." her friend quietly replied. "Trust the truth. You have nothing to lose except the fear of the unknown by opening the door. Trust the truth."

She turned back to the key one more time, took a final look at the door,

 and walked away.

I HAVE A DREAM

Just like Martin Luther King Jr.  I, too, have a dream. To be honest my dream is much like Dr. King's. It's a dream that all people would be able to live in freedom. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Dr. King's dream and my dream are probably rooted in the same belief, too. He knew, as do I, that freedom, TRUE freedom, doesn't come from changing a law...it comes from changing a heart.

Today I read the following verse: Ezekiel 11:19...

And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart...

verse 20 goes on to say that they will obey His decrees and they will surely be HIS people.

Dr. King and I knew/know that it is in Christ true freedom comes. In what other religion do you find people who are not only willing to die for their beliefs, but live in persecution for them? Oh, and while living in persecution not strive to *kill* their persecutors, but instead seek to love them and share their Lord with them so that those people who are persecuting them..torturing them...making their lives so very hard will also be able to live in Freedom?? How many do you know of any other religion who would not falter or add to the Word of God so as to make it more "acceptable" to the world around them because they know that it is in obedience to the Very One Who created all things true freedom is found?

Dr.King and I knew/know that it is in speaking truth to those who will listen that the Gospel is lived...and when one lives the Gospel, one lives in Freedom.

As you go about your day today think on this ~ how many times do/am I...

...smile when I don't want to because I don't want to appear that I may have problems beyond the little stuff...
...complain about something because I don't want to accept responsibility...
...agree with someone when I don't really agree with them because I want them to like me...
...laugh at something I don't think is funny because I want to be with that person and they think it's funny...
...tell a friend a half-truth so as not to hurt their feelings in the short term though you know they'll be crushed when the whole truth comes out later...
...anything but your authentic self according to the Word of God because you want to fit in better in this world?

There are many other ways we live in bondage to this world, but it is in living the whole truth and nothing but the truth that we find Freedom. I saw a great picture the other day. It said something to the effect of, "The Holy Bible is not Chex Mix. You can't pick out your favorite parts and leave the rest in the bowl."

Dr. King knew...and I know...it is in changing people's hearts that we are able to bring about Freedom. What are you doing to love your neighbor in to The Kingdom of God? How is your heart changed by His Word, His Love, His Sacrifice for you?

Why not live in Freedom today?

January, 2013

How many times have we said it? You know, the phrase, "wow! Is it really January already? And how did we get to 2013?" I know I've said it out loud as many times as I've thought it...and I've thought it a lot.

So what are your New Year's Resolutions? 

We have some interesting ones in our home ~ from "becoming a better artist" to "eating less and losing a little bit of weight" (not who you think it is!). I've already seen them lain aside, though, for the empty art of TV or iPod games and the temptation of fresh baked cookies. Funny how quickly resolutions becomes passing thoughts...dreams...hopes unfulfilled. 

I myself have lived through 43 New Year celebrations now, and in the amount of time in which I knew how to make a resolution I can honestly say I've made and left at least 43. Yes, I realize I could not possibly have made a resolution each year of my life, but 43 is probably a low number of resolutions made and broken in my lifetime. It is the making and discarding I am getting at. 

The Bible refers to "the Fruit of the Spirit." ...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22b-23 RSV) The one that gets me every time is "self-control." The control of self. To stop or begin something without outward prodding. To do something that would be a good idea if it were followed through on.

Let me give an example...

It's morning and the kids have gone to school. The Hubster is upstairs in his office working away and I'm having some problems getting motivated to do anything other than bits and tibbles of work here and there. Although I'm not tackling big projects I am certainly getting our house in order and doing those tasks that need to be done. Maybe not very quickly, but hey, they're getting done, right? Then I start to feel hungry and realize it's after noon. I make a somewhat healthier lunch than I would have prior to the New Year and sit down at my computer to eat and "take a quick break." 

I finish the sandwich. I finish my water. I have not, however, finished surfing all these great blogs about what to make for dinner. Oh! I wanted to check on another recipe a friend was telling me about...and someone else mentioned on Facebook (it's still open in a tab ready to be checked at any given second or while I'm waiting that 2 seconds for a new blog to load) a pin they saw on Pinterest for something or other to do with the boys...and all of the sudden my oldest son is walking in the door saying, "Hi, Mom!" 

Wait. WHA??????

I sat down at 1:00...I was just going to eat and check on a recipe or two and now it's 3:00??? How. Did. That. Happen???

Yes, you're correct...lack of self control. 

Here's another one. It's one that I heard about from a friend and would NEVER have a problem with! (okay, so I was pretending to write a blog about it one day while getting ready in the morning....it was still a friend who told me about it. :) )

Son #1: 'Night Mom, will you pray with me?

Me: Sure ~ (prayer)

Son #2: 'Night Mom, will you pray with me?

Me: Sure ~ (prayer); 'Night boys. I love you! Sweet dreams!

Both boys: Love you, too, goodnight!

Hubster: wanna watch an episode of Hawaii Five-O we have on DVR? 

Me: sure!

(watch one episode and hubster gets up, throws me the remote and heads to bed saying, "here ya go, night owl...see you tomorrow.")

I press the DVR button and up pops a Chick Flick I'd taped from the Hallmark channel a while ago and hadn't watched yet. Settle in with a cuppa and enjoy the quiet solitude of my house while checking Facebook, Pinterest and assorted emails, etc, all the while following the story onscreen. 

Movie ends. 

I'm in the middle of a game of Nerts on my iPod...must finish...start another episode of something taped. 

Ugh. It's 12:30 am! ...should go to bed. But this is a good part! Just finish this and then head to bed. 

1:30 am ~ I. Must. Go. To. Bed!

2:00 am ~ great! I'm in bed, why can't I fall asleep?? Oh...maybe I should put the iPod down. 

7:15 am ~ alarm goes off...SNOOZE!

7:24 am ~ alarm goes off...SNOOOZE....somewhat groggy brain kicks in to the fact that I don't hear the regular noise of a child getting ready for school downstairs. I pull myself out of bed to wander down the hall to wake up said child and let him know he now has 15 minutes to get ready and out to the bus. 

7:27 am ~ Coffee. COOOOOOFFFFFEEEEE. Why am I so tired this morning? Oh, yeah.....

Why? Because I lack self-control! 

I am a Spirit led woman. I love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, and try to love my neighbor as myself....but where on earth did my self-control go???

No, I didn't leave it in High School when someone else was in charge of my schedule.

No, I didn't leave it in College when a professor's attendance chart determined my success.

No, I didn't leave it in Hawaii when the Hubster and I returned from our honeymoon.

I have never had it. 

I will rise to the occasion and learn the arias, songs and various pieces necessary to perform. I will clean the house in a day if company is coming (don't go to my room, please). I will plan, instigate and complete a $12,000.00 Book Fair in two weeks simply because I have to. 

I will not, however, wake up each morning and know what tasks need to be completed today to insure that tomorrow's dinner will be ready on time. I will not start a paper due three months from now with an outline and a rough draft that will be re-written a number of times in order for the paper to be handed in on time with no mistakes (I will, however, do research here and there and write the paper the day or two before...hand it in and get an "A"). 

Some call it procrastination. Some call it laziness. Some call it unmotivated. 

God calls it lack of Self Control. 

He also says it's a fruit of the Spirit. Which means that He is willing to help us with it. Which means HE has the ability to instill it in is, grow it in us, and help us to live up to the potential He has placed in us. 

WHEW! 

Want to know what one of my resolutions this year is? To write more. 

Want to know why I sat down at the computer today? To look for something to make for dinner tonight.

Want to know what I've done instead? Written an entry on my "Apples of Gold" blog and written a post here. (Of which I had no idea what to write about when I sat down.) 

Maybe there is a breath of self-control in me after all. 

NAH. That's all God! Thank you, Lord!