We shouldn't have to say goodbye to children

This morning I drove my oldest son to Middle School like I do every morning. I prayed over him and over our school on the way, and couldn't get over that "ugh. it's Monday." feeling. As I was leaving I noticed a news crew across the street from the school. I noticed that the Crossing Guard looked like he was talking to them, and the thought crossed my mind that I was hoping they were doing a "feel good"/"good neighbor" story on him because he is always so happy to see the kids when they walk to school each morning. I drove home with a smile on my face and a prayer of thanks in my heart for people who are willing to invest in our kids. I got Micah going and off to the bus, and Scott left for the airport for a short business trip. With a quiet house and a very busy week behind me I decided to take a moment and get caught up on my Facebook posts. As I scrolled down and read my eyes caught the name of my son's middle school in a post from a news source. I quickly jumped right to it and read as my heart dropped to my knees. Yesterday an 11 year old boy was riding his bike downtown and he ran into a city bus that was making a right turn. He went under the bus, and when the authorities got there they found that his left arm had been severed in the accident and he had already lost a lot of blood. He died in the hospital later that day. They shared his name. Ben Fulwiler. It rang a bell and I started thinking about conversations CJ and I had last week when he mentioned Ben's name. I couldn't remember the exact conversation, and it bothered me wondering if he had mentioned Ben when we were talking about a kid who had been expelled for smoking pot, or if it was something different. A nagging catch told me, no, it was something different...something closer to him. Either way, I knew Ben was someone CJ knew and my Momma's heart pounded into the unsteady pattern of wanting to comfort my child. A friend whose son is also a good friend of CJ's called and she had the brilliant idea to look in our elementary yearbook to see if Ben was also a student at our elementary school. As I looked at the picture it all fell into place. Ben wasn't in CJ's class last year, but they did have advanced math together and I interacted with Ben a LOT during my times of being in the classroom helping. He had a ready smile...a quiet disposition...a sweet personality. Ben was difficult to really know as he had a bit of a wall around him, but it was difficult not to like him. I enjoyed and looked forward to being in that class. All of the students made that possible, and Ben was definitely in the group of reasons I enjoyed being there. I decided to head up to the school at lunchtime and just see how CJ was doing. I checked him out at the attendance office, then walked in to the cafeteria to get him. I didn't see him, but he saw me and came up to me with red-rimmed eyes and a somber spirit. We walked to the car and decided to just go get a coffee and talk. Ben had become a better friend to him this year. Middle school does that, doesn't it? You don't have just one class of people, but multiple classes, so those who are in the most classes with you tend to be better friends. Experience and all, y'know? Ben was in CJ's three core classes. When I picked him up CJ had just come from Humanities and they had spent the entire hour with the counselor talking about Ben and grief and how to handle the pain. CJ's comment was, "even my teacher was crying, Mom." (Do they realize just how much our students grow in our hearts?) After letting him cry and holding his hand and just being there with him he decided he wanted to go back in and finish it out with his friends. I walked him in, checked him back in and left with a heavy heart for our students. A school should not ever have an overtone of quiet and grief in it (except on report card day! :) ), and the 6th grade lunch room definitely did. I came home, busied myself and went back to the school to play "parent protector" for the students in case there were news crews again. Not to shove cameras away, but rather to ask them respectfully to not try to talk to the kids about this and let them grieve. Thankfully there were no crews, and I came home. I turned our corner right behind CJ's bus...saw his red shoes hit the pavement and waited an eternity for the bus to shut off it's flashing red lights and move out of my way so I could get to my son. I looked at the group expecting him to be walking and talking to his friends...probably about Ben. I wasn't expecting what I saw. His friends were walking...quietly, somberly...and ahead of them, alone and with shoulders heaving, was my CJ. As I pulled up I noticed he wasn't just crying quietly, he was literally sobbing. Immediately my own tears popped and my voice caught as I tried to yell his name and get his attention. I was on the phone with Scott at the time ~ how helpless he felt being far away and unable to do anything for his son. As CJ got in the car I handed him the phone and he said, between sobs, "Ben was my best friend, Dad!" My heart lurched again...and again...and one more time for good measure as I realized the conversation I couldn't remember earlier was about Ben & CJ and how they worked together in science and math and humanities. Ben was interwoven throughout my son's day...and now he was gone. We got to our house and he went inside while I stayed outside to continue my conversation with Scott. Both of us just sat in silence. I mean, what do we do? My parents never had to deal with a friend of mine dying. I never had to deal with anyone other than an acquaintance or two my age dying from a long-term illness, and anyone I did have close to me passed at a ripe, well-lived age. How do we handle the sudden, unexpected death of my son's classmate and friend? I jokingly said all those aptitude tests I took from 9th grade on that told me I should be a Funeral Director (number 1 or number 2 ~ EVERY. TIME. ~ not joking) will come in to play here, I suppose. We chuckled and reminded each other God is here and has a plan....and we'll just let Him guide us through this. It's been difficult. It's been sad. We've shared tears...and smiles...and lots of hugs. ...and we've been reminded that in our pain God offers us opportunities only if we're willing to take them. Each morning we pray that CJ and the rest of his small group members would be courageous in their faith. This is an opportunity to practice courage as his classmates wonder what happens when we die. CJ tends to think Ben was an Atheist (yes, my heart broke again), but I pray he cried out to the God he knew deep down was there in the middle of the end. I pray, too, that CJ and his classmates who love the Lord are bold enough to share the confidence in death that comes from knowing this world is not the end! I pray and encourage him to not be afraid to ask the question, "what happens when we die? Where will you go when you die?" and have that conversation about knowing that Jesus Christ died for us so we could have life. Life is short...and we have no idea how long we have on this earth. How are we living? Are you bold in your faith? Are you confident enough in the very One who says to be strong and courageous to stick your neck out and share your faith with those in your life whose hearts matter to you? I have a son who is wishing he had been. Don't let someone in your life pass on to an eternity lost because you didn't want to offend them.

Good Girl

As I had hoped, here's the mp3 of Lisa Whelchel's "Good Girl" No, it's not on par with the great music that has gone down in history, but it's great fun!

	Lisa Whelchel - Good Girl .mp3
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

the Facts of Life

When I was a teenager I loved watching "The Facts of Life" on TV. My favorite character was Jo, and my favorite character to love/hate was Blair. I was thrilled when I discovered a cassette during a day at the local Christian bookstore with my Mom. The cassette was by none other than Lisa Whelchel. I listened to that tape over and over and over again, and this was one of my favorite songs. My other favorite song was called "Good Girl" and maybe I'll post it, too, but for now enjoy true '80's Christian pop. (yeah, I know what that means, but I'm not a musical snob, and this song helped cement the deep-seeded belief that God's love is bigger than I could ever imagine.)

Download this mp3 from Beemp3.com

So much more to life...

There are some things in life that are so innovative ~ so imaginative ~ so very cool and they must be shared with others. I personally am fascinated with design and design technology in marketing so this video seeped into my veins and settled in a comfortable place. This is from a European company that uses light and video projection on buildings as advertisements. There are more amazing videos on their page (linked in the title of this post above), so if you want to see more go there.

In the meantime.....sit back and be amazed.


Frankfurt - There Is More To Life Than A Volvo from NuFormer Projection on Vimeo.

I am an American Citizen by birth....

I hope that title makes you want to read more...so much more that you'll read what I'm going to share below. I love Facebook for the relationship tool that it is ~ with family and friends spread throughout the world it is such a gift to be able to connect with them as if we see each other everyday. I realize it's not all good, and I'd be more than happy to give instructions for keeping your Facebook page super-duper private, but when it comes to the pros and cons for me so far the pros far outweigh the cons.

One pro is the opportunity to keep up-to-date on organizations and ministries I support. Another one is to join others with like values and visions for our country and take a stand to keep America the melting pot I love so much.

Before I go on I have to clarify something ~ my love for mankind goes beyond borders, colors and any other orientation you'd like to put on someone (yes, even THAT one!). I love people ~ based on a song I used to sing in Sunday School...

"Jesus loves the little children. All the children of the world. Red & Yellow, Black & White, they are precious in His sight. Jesus loves the little children of the world."

And before you start ranting at me and telling me I'm too tolerant let me clarify one more thing...

It is possible to love people for who they are and not love the choices they choose to live their lives by. The difference is being able to look at the person through God's eyes ~ seeing the person first and the choices second. It's something I've experienced personally. When I was pregnant the first time there were some really neat, good Christian people who chose to look at me in my wrong. They made me question the God I love and wonder if there really was hope for me.  The ones who spurred me on toward Christ, however, were the ones who looked at me and loved me for simply being a woman created in the image of God. It's because of those people I can live in the freedom of knowing Christ I live in today.

So, where is this blog going? Well, I stumbled across a post on Facebook this morning  that moved me to the point of needing to share it. One of the greatest controversies in our country right now is the Illegal Immigrant problem. (and yes, IT is the problem. NOT the people. People are people are people...the problem is the CHOICE some people are making which is creating one general problem that is becoming a huge problem on many sides.)

I have read many posts and emails that stem from hatred and anger, but as a Teacher-at-Heart who has had the opportunity to teach students from many different countries, those kinds of emails and posts and comments kind of turn my stomach. Not because I disagree with them ~ many of them are completely in line with my own beliefs ~ but because we are missing an opportunity. We are missing out on an opportunity to educate people what our country really is all about...and the opportunity to get to know about what their country of origin is about, too.

I often wonder, "What brought you here?" "Why did you want to escape your other country?" "What was so bad about it, and what can we do to make sure it doesn't happen here?"

I live in this country with an understanding that I am to live by laws and rules under a Constitution drafted to give us Freedom. True Freedom does not come without boundaries ~ it is within legitimate boundaries True Freedom comes. I disagree with giving Identification cards to illegal immigrants, and I agree with states who are simply seeing the extraordinary detriment to both their security and their financial future this Problem is having on them and so have decided to do something about it. It's interesting ~ when a friend or family member has a problem with something that is only leading down a darker and more problematic road we're led to do an "intervention." When my kids are lacking in responsibility I am required as a parent to intervene with disciplinary action that will help bring that character trait to where it should be. But when a state decides to intervene and do something about a problem that is truly wreaking havoc in their state they are called Bullies and idiots. I don't understand.

But I digress.....Many of you have probably heard about the five students who attended school on Cinco de Mayo wearing clothing with the American Flag on them. If you haven't heard, the Assistant Principal first asked them to turn their shirts inside out due to the Holiday it was. They refused. (thankfully) Lead by a fear that the flag would offend some Hispanic students, the Principal then sent those five American Flag-bearing students home.

I have joined a Facebook page based on these five students. The link can be found in the title above, or at the beginning of the post I'm sharing below. It is, quite literally, the first post regarding this particular situation I have read that made me want to stand up and cheer!!! It's not about being tolerant ~ it's about seeing people as people. It's about seeing opportunity for learning and loving and, hopefully out of the relationship built, showing people of all walks the truth of what loving Jesus is all about....being completely you because He's completely Him. I love that. I love that I can be me ~ whether people like me or don't like me; whether I always do what I'm supposed to do or not; whether I'm fat or thin/funny or angry/spacey or spot-on ~ I'm me and I am loved by the King of Kings. He's fighting for me and guiding me, and above all else, THAT is what I long to share with others. This group I'm mentioning isn't set up for that purpose, but that doesn't change anything. Afterall, people are people, right?

Please read the post below ~ I hope it's what I would have done had I been the Assistant Principal in that school.....

 In Support of the Live Oak High School Five

Mary BeckerUpdated: 05/17/2010 08:56:43 AM PDT

The students at Live Oak High School in Morgan Hill have had a very busy week. It seems five students wore T-shirts to school depicting the American flag on May 5.

Why was that a problem? Because it was Cinco de Mayo, a Mexican holiday and the assistant principal decided that wearing the American flag might be offensive to some Hispanic students, causing violence to erupt in the school. The principal asked the five students wearing the American flag to turn their T-shirts inside out for the day. At least one student responded that he thought it would be disrespectful to the flag to do so. That is when the assistant principal sent those five students home.


What should the assistant principal have done? I think I know how my uncle, who was an award-winning teacher and principal would have handled it. He would have summoned everyone to the auditorium, and then he would have called to the stage the students with the American and Mexican flag T-shirts. He would have encouraged them to talk about why they wear these flags, he would have asked the American flag wearers to share their ethnic backgrounds and he would have spoken of his ancestors and why they came to the United States.

Then he would have suggested to the Hispanic students that although their allegiance to Mexico was strong now, in a few generations those ties would lessen and eventually cease to exist. They would feel no more allegiance to Mexico than his family now felt to Germany.


He would explain the conceptof E Pluribus Unum, which translates to "out of many, one." He would have also spoken about the American melting pot and how important it is for these students to acculturate themselves so that their children will have a better life here. He would suggest to the students that the real strength of America is that we do have people here from all over the world, and that is what makes our country so special.

He would also encourage them to honor their roots, but understand they are not the first or last immigrants to this country and they need to follow the example of earlier transplants that came legally and learned English.


Unfortunately, the assistant principal at Live Oak did not have the intelligence or commonsense to identify this valuable teaching opportunity. Instead, he decided that if the American flag might offend some Hispanic students then we should banish that flag. I would like to remind the assistant principal that he is living and working in the United States, not Mexico.

If any flag is to take second place here it should not be the American one and I was very offended by his actions as I'm sure many Americans were. It seems clear to me that this assistant principal is not up to his job and should be terminated.

I'm not sure when insane political correctness overtook our country, I only know it has. To suggest that any American not wear or display our country's flag on any day is absolutely ludicrous. Several years ago I traveled to a country that shall remain nameless. I found the people there to be intolerably rude and they were extremely offensive to me. However, I did not expect this country to change to accommodate me. I did not scream in the streets how offended I was. I did not tell them to change. I did not suggest they fly my flag instead of their own. What I did do was get on a plane and go home, never to return.

I want to say this as nicely as possible. If you are offended by Americans in America flying or wearing the American flag; perhaps you should do as I did and return home. You might be happier, I know I will be.

Mary Becker is a former San Francisco business owner who now lives in Lake County. Contact her at mbnorthernlights@gmail.com.