Hi there! It's been a while since I've really taken the time to write what's going on and just write. But, I have a couple of minutes and a lot running through my mind...and I wanted to share with you a website that I think has the potential to change your world. It's linked in the title above (right click and open it in a new window or tab), so feel free to visit it. When we lived in Redding Scott & I found Dr. Carlson's ministry ~ at that time called "Family Life" ~ and we knew we had the desire to live an intentional life with what we have, what we're doing and with what God calls us to. I have to be honest and say we haven't done that. Scott & I are truly different thinkers so trying to get us both on the same page takes a tremendous amount of effort that (after work, kids, and ministry) just is sometimes not there. We have implemented some things at different times in our lives, though, and I have to say those were times when we saw the greatest fulfillment in our lives. SO...all that to say, "understanding an intentional way of living is really worth it."
What makes me think about this today is the culmination of the last few days/weeks in my life. I am at a place in my life where I am realizing God has called me to something that is rather scary. It requires me to accept who I am in HIM and to let go of who I've always been told I was, thought I was, or found my worth in. That's not easy. In fact, it is at times downright terrifying. I am finding my faith being tested in a way I never have before. Even when I was pregnant with Sophie I relied on the whisperings of my Uncle Jim saying to me over and over again, "you made a mistake, you're not a mistake (repeat)" I never fully accepted how fully loved I was by the Creator/Savior of the world. Having to accept that requires me to let go of all expectations of others. It requires me to look at life with new eyes ~ His eyes. It requires me to step out of my comfort zone and truly walk what I have said to so many over the years ~ "You were made for a purpose. If you don't live in that purpose...pursue the call He has on your life...it will be your one true regret. He won't love you any less, but, in a very significant way, you will be committing the sin of disobedience."
And so I am constantly singing the song from "Santa Claus is Coming to Town:" Put one foot in front of the other! And soon you'll be walking out the doo-oo-or! Put one foot in front of the other...." As I open up my box of fears to my friends and they kick me in the pants and affirm what God has given me to do I find the need to share my struggles so that maybe, by God's grace and mercy, He will use my words to encourage someone who reads this to do the same in their lives.
I was just writing on my other blog and ran across this entry: http://tbds.blogspot.com/2008/12/john-1513.html . There are times I find that what I write in hopes of encouraging someone else are words I will need to read and heed as well. So it is with this passage. To accept a love so deep and wide and amazing is difficult knowing myself the way I do. Yet in truth I must.
And so I am packing up a manuscript and sending it to a friend who has agreed to read it. I don't know what will come of it. She may very well say I don't have what it takes with that one, but I have to do what I know He is calling me to do.
What is He calling you to do? Are you noticing a lot of people lately commenting on something you do or have the ability of? Has He given you the opportunity to unwrap a talent you never thought He could use just so you can open up a relationship with others and share His glory? That's what it's all about, you know. It's not about being so tremendous as Me or You. It's about bringing glory to God by being unashamed of being who He made you to be.
When we were in Southern California recently we met with some friends of Scott's from college at a park for a picnic. Scott & I met them there and Steve & Jileen (his sister and her husband) brought the boys with them since we were in LA for our anniversary. When we got there the kids were all playing and it was a beautiful sunny day out. I looked for Micah and found him in the middle of it all swinging on the swings and having a blast. After a hug and a quick conversation he wanted to get back to it. In looking for Caleb I found him playing independently (it sounds so much nicer than "by himself") completely content to be doing what he was doing. I walked over and said, "hiya, Handsome." He looked up, smiled and said, "Mom? Do you think it's one of my gifts that I'm okay to be who I am and I don't get embarrassed about that?" I have the same reaction now as I did then. Tears kinda sprang to my eyes and a lump formed in my throat as I smiled and said, "I think that's a pretty incredible character trait to have, Bud, but we'll have to talk about what are gifts, what are character traits, and what are talents." He grinned and said, "okay? Now?" So we went for a walk and talked about how God created us for a purpose and how He has given us each something we are able to do that will bring glory to Him and increase His Kingdom as we keep our eyes focused on Him and continually grow in our relationship with Him. That time was a gift to me because of the depth of the conversation with my grown-up 9-year-old, but I had no idea that God would use that time to affirm what I had been hearing from others in the words of my son who started out a sentence with, "you know what, Mom? I see one of your gifts, too...." I had to stop walking and stare at him for a moment as I realized my son had just spoken truth into my life.
Who's speaking truth to you? What are you hearing? Make 2009 the year you're finished living as if you're going to die someday and make it the year you're going to make your life really count. Make it the year you allow God to instill in you the depth of love He has for you as you live the life He has created for you to live! Give the glory to the One who allows you breath and LIVE!!
If you'd like to follow this part of my journey it will be on yet another blog... href="http://www.spurinklings.blogspot.com" This is actually an old blog for me as I created it a few years ago when I was doing cards based on Hebrews 10:24. It only seems appropriate that a blog created to spur people on to touch and change lives for Christ would be used for this purpose. I'm putting one foot in front of the other and I 'm going where He's calling me to go...would you like to join me? I hope so! Happy New Year!
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Friday, December 26, 2008
20 Questions
My friend, Renee, posted these questions that she got off another friend's blog. In reading them they were quite thought-provoking, so I thought I'd answer them, too.
1). What kind of music would describe your personality?
(this really depends on my mood!) '80's hairbands, Southern Gospel, Gospel Choir,4-Part Harmony, Spa music, Ska, Classic Pop, Classical
2). What attracts people towards you?
I often say I'm kind of like my dog, Dakota. He's an adorable Pomeranian whose fun-loving and excitable personality draws people in...but the longer they're around him the more annoying that gets. :)
3). When was the last time you laughed out loud?
Today ~ it's Christmas, and there were MANY opportunities to laugh out loud.
4). What 5 character traits do you appreciate about yourself?
Pathological Learner, Trustworthy, Truthful, Fun, Committed to excellence
5). Where do you place your trust?
In Christ alone.
6). What energizes and drains you in life?
Energizes: new projects
Drains: old projects, routines, clutter and CARBS!
7). If money was no object what would you do?
A) Keep ministries touching the lives of others with the truth of the Gospel going without worry.
B) Set up a fund that would help young families struggling to get off the ground financially so they could go through training and get it together...knowing they would then be expected to keep the fund going for those they come into contact with in the same situation.
C) Travel.
8). What are your personal truths that you stand in everyday?
Truth is worth being committed to...and people are worth investing in.
9). Do you step out in trust or fear when encountering an unknown situation?
The million dollar question for me! If I'm grounded in the Word I step out in trust knowing God is for me. However, if I'm not in the Word as much I step back in fear because I struggle with my own abilities and worth in unknown situations.
10). In 5 words how would your friends describe you?
Ummmm, I'm guessing here, but: strong, faithful, straight-forward, compassionate, fun
11). When was the last time that you did something special for yourself?
tonight ~ instead of going to bed I decided to stay up and spend some time alone refreshing my spirit through study and writing.
12). How could you listen better to those around you?
STOP. Just stop and be present when I'm with others ~ to take my thoughts off whether my clothes fit right or my hair looks okay or if they really like me ~ to stop thinking of how I'll respond to them, and to just listen to their hearts in what they're saying.
13). If you are a mom how did you show love to your children today?
I spent time cuddling with each of them in the midst of the chaos of Christmas...whispering my amazement over the opportunity to be their Mom into their ears. I also instilled the love of Perfection Personified (Jesus) into their lives through "Jotham's Journey" the Christmas Story and prayer. (and laughing and playing with them helped, too!)
14). What do you need freedom from that is weighing you down from your past?
Believing the lies that I'll never be worthy of doing what I was made to do because of my past or my bad habits.
15). What lies do you believe about yourself?
That I'm being arrogant if I say I can do something well, that I'll never be disciplined enough to be a healthy weight again, and that the dream I have is too big ~ that it's just my dream and that I'm just trying to be something important so people will notice me (which is the biggest lie of all!!)
16). How do you create balance in your life?
I have to have time to be creative. I also have to have time with God. If those two are in place the other things happen without my realizing I have to schedule it in. If those two are out of place or missing...my whole world is chaotic.
17). What part of your life story could encourage someone else?
The biggest one would be the story of redemption that is my adoption story. How God answers prayers in His amazing tenderness and sets it all in motion for His worthwhile glory. The continual one is how He never stops molding, changing and creating new life in me.
18). How do you live each day with intention and purpose?
Focus on the fact that this world is truly NOT my home...that I am here to bring glory to God in all I say, do and think...and that no one on this earth will judge me on that final day. Only God.
19). What gives you meaning in life?
This would be the same answer as #18
20). How do you know that you are loved by God, no matter what?
I'll be honest here ~ there are days I can't believe it. There are days and times and seasons when it feels like He is far from me and that I am not "loved" by Him. I have learned that in those times I have to stand firm in faith ~ that it's in believing what I'm told in the infallable Word of God instead of trusting in my gut or seeing His hand at work in my life. I am loved because He tells me He loves me with an everlasting love that cannot be taken away. There are days, though, that I literally say out loud, "Lord, I'm not feeling it. There is pain and hurt and stuff I don't understand, but I trust You and I will believe ~ even if I don't feel ~ that what You have for me is the best because You are perfect and Holy and You love me more than I could ever understand."
1). What kind of music would describe your personality?
(this really depends on my mood!) '80's hairbands, Southern Gospel, Gospel Choir,4-Part Harmony, Spa music, Ska, Classic Pop, Classical
2). What attracts people towards you?
I often say I'm kind of like my dog, Dakota. He's an adorable Pomeranian whose fun-loving and excitable personality draws people in...but the longer they're around him the more annoying that gets. :)
3). When was the last time you laughed out loud?
Today ~ it's Christmas, and there were MANY opportunities to laugh out loud.
4). What 5 character traits do you appreciate about yourself?
Pathological Learner, Trustworthy, Truthful, Fun, Committed to excellence
5). Where do you place your trust?
In Christ alone.
6). What energizes and drains you in life?
Energizes: new projects
Drains: old projects, routines, clutter and CARBS!
7). If money was no object what would you do?
A) Keep ministries touching the lives of others with the truth of the Gospel going without worry.
B) Set up a fund that would help young families struggling to get off the ground financially so they could go through training and get it together...knowing they would then be expected to keep the fund going for those they come into contact with in the same situation.
C) Travel.
8). What are your personal truths that you stand in everyday?
Truth is worth being committed to...and people are worth investing in.
9). Do you step out in trust or fear when encountering an unknown situation?
The million dollar question for me! If I'm grounded in the Word I step out in trust knowing God is for me. However, if I'm not in the Word as much I step back in fear because I struggle with my own abilities and worth in unknown situations.
10). In 5 words how would your friends describe you?
Ummmm, I'm guessing here, but: strong, faithful, straight-forward, compassionate, fun
11). When was the last time that you did something special for yourself?
tonight ~ instead of going to bed I decided to stay up and spend some time alone refreshing my spirit through study and writing.
12). How could you listen better to those around you?
STOP. Just stop and be present when I'm with others ~ to take my thoughts off whether my clothes fit right or my hair looks okay or if they really like me ~ to stop thinking of how I'll respond to them, and to just listen to their hearts in what they're saying.
13). If you are a mom how did you show love to your children today?
I spent time cuddling with each of them in the midst of the chaos of Christmas...whispering my amazement over the opportunity to be their Mom into their ears. I also instilled the love of Perfection Personified (Jesus) into their lives through "Jotham's Journey" the Christmas Story and prayer. (and laughing and playing with them helped, too!)
14). What do you need freedom from that is weighing you down from your past?
Believing the lies that I'll never be worthy of doing what I was made to do because of my past or my bad habits.
15). What lies do you believe about yourself?
That I'm being arrogant if I say I can do something well, that I'll never be disciplined enough to be a healthy weight again, and that the dream I have is too big ~ that it's just my dream and that I'm just trying to be something important so people will notice me (which is the biggest lie of all!!)
16). How do you create balance in your life?
I have to have time to be creative. I also have to have time with God. If those two are in place the other things happen without my realizing I have to schedule it in. If those two are out of place or missing...my whole world is chaotic.
17). What part of your life story could encourage someone else?
The biggest one would be the story of redemption that is my adoption story. How God answers prayers in His amazing tenderness and sets it all in motion for His worthwhile glory. The continual one is how He never stops molding, changing and creating new life in me.
18). How do you live each day with intention and purpose?
Focus on the fact that this world is truly NOT my home...that I am here to bring glory to God in all I say, do and think...and that no one on this earth will judge me on that final day. Only God.
19). What gives you meaning in life?
This would be the same answer as #18
20). How do you know that you are loved by God, no matter what?
I'll be honest here ~ there are days I can't believe it. There are days and times and seasons when it feels like He is far from me and that I am not "loved" by Him. I have learned that in those times I have to stand firm in faith ~ that it's in believing what I'm told in the infallable Word of God instead of trusting in my gut or seeing His hand at work in my life. I am loved because He tells me He loves me with an everlasting love that cannot be taken away. There are days, though, that I literally say out loud, "Lord, I'm not feeling it. There is pain and hurt and stuff I don't understand, but I trust You and I will believe ~ even if I don't feel ~ that what You have for me is the best because You are perfect and Holy and You love me more than I could ever understand."
Friday, December 19, 2008
I'm a Pro-Procrastinator
In looking for a really good site to link this post to I discovered the above link. I haven't read the whole post, so beware upon clicking, but I did read the first paragraph (because, really, I have WAY more important things to do than writing a new blog post!). In reading the first paragraph I knew this man knew what he was talking about. Case in point, the last few sentences from said first paragraph. :)
All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important.
I had to laugh at the pencil analogy! I have a couple of friends with whom I've joked that we needed to have our husbands tell us, in all honesty, that they were planning a really big vacation. They needed to tell us when we were leaving (give us a really early departure time), where we were going, and that we needed to pack for 3 weeks. Then, after we'd cleaned the entire house, gone through all the drawers that we'd been putting off going through, and decluttered everything that needed to be decluttered...right before we started doing the actual packing...they needed to tell us we weren't really going on vacation, they just wanted us to get our houses cleaned out. :)
And, yes, just before we beat them to a bloody pulp they could hold up a previously packed suitcase and tell us they were sending us on a girlfriend's weekend as a reward.
We all think it's a brilliant plan, but the problem is getting our husbands to do such a thing without us realizing exactly what they're doing. 'Cuz we're pretty smart cookies, y'know!
And such is the reason I'm writing a new blog post. I have packing to do, house to clean, laundry to finish, and Christmas stuff to take down so I don't have to do it all when we come back. I just thought I'd get some "unnecessary...yet pressing" thoughts out of my mind so I can check it off my list. (yes, it's there...right under "clean out sock drawer." *grin*)
Have a wonderful Christmas! Hopefully I can post with pictures next time...and just as a teaser, I'm brewing up a post about Beethoven and the piano that may just surprise you. It's an amazing picture of how God uses our infirmities in ways we will never know this side of Heaven. Truly, when I realized what I was seeing I was absolutely blown away. I think you will be, too. Until then...I'm off to clean the washing machine lid with a toothbrush. ;-)
All procrastinators put off things they have to do. Structured procrastination is the art of making this bad trait work for you. The key idea is that procrastinating does not mean doing absolutely nothing. Procrastinators seldom do absolutely nothing; they do marginally useful things, like gardening or sharpening pencils or making a diagram of how they will reorganize their files when they get around to it. Why does the procrastinator do these things? Because they are a way of not doing something more important. If all the procrastinator had left to do was to sharpen some pencils, no force on earth could get him do it. However, the procrastinator can be motivated to do difficult, timely and important tasks, as long as these tasks are a way of not doing something more important.
I had to laugh at the pencil analogy! I have a couple of friends with whom I've joked that we needed to have our husbands tell us, in all honesty, that they were planning a really big vacation. They needed to tell us when we were leaving (give us a really early departure time), where we were going, and that we needed to pack for 3 weeks. Then, after we'd cleaned the entire house, gone through all the drawers that we'd been putting off going through, and decluttered everything that needed to be decluttered...right before we started doing the actual packing...they needed to tell us we weren't really going on vacation, they just wanted us to get our houses cleaned out. :)
And, yes, just before we beat them to a bloody pulp they could hold up a previously packed suitcase and tell us they were sending us on a girlfriend's weekend as a reward.
We all think it's a brilliant plan, but the problem is getting our husbands to do such a thing without us realizing exactly what they're doing. 'Cuz we're pretty smart cookies, y'know!
And such is the reason I'm writing a new blog post. I have packing to do, house to clean, laundry to finish, and Christmas stuff to take down so I don't have to do it all when we come back. I just thought I'd get some "unnecessary...yet pressing" thoughts out of my mind so I can check it off my list. (yes, it's there...right under "clean out sock drawer." *grin*)
Have a wonderful Christmas! Hopefully I can post with pictures next time...and just as a teaser, I'm brewing up a post about Beethoven and the piano that may just surprise you. It's an amazing picture of how God uses our infirmities in ways we will never know this side of Heaven. Truly, when I realized what I was seeing I was absolutely blown away. I think you will be, too. Until then...I'm off to clean the washing machine lid with a toothbrush. ;-)
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Christmas
Somedays I really feel like Scrooge:
If you start watching it, beware...it's the full movie! I found it on Google videos, and it's the 1935 version. The story is just so powerful and thought provoking.
But somedays I still feel like Scrooge. And, just like Scrooge, it's for purely selfish reasons.
I'm bah-humbugging that we won't be celebrating in our home with our Christmas tree and all our personal family's traditions with the boys.
I'm bah-humbugging that my mind is, at times, so unfocused that I am somewhat overcome with the anxiety of how I'm going to get it all done.
I'm bah-humbugging the fact that at the end of this year there are only 19 days left of the United States as we know it.
I'm bah-humbugging that I have procrastinated getting my house in order and now I am frustrated with the packing process for our upcoming trip.
speaking of which...I'm bah-humbugging the fact that I am leaving the cold and crisp and Christmassy-feeling Pacific Northwest for tropical and sunny and summery-feeling Southern California. sigh. I want snow for Christmas.
I'm bah-humbugging that I am now THE MOM and it's up to me to make the Christmas season all magical and wonderful...instead of my Mom and Aunts.
I'm bah-humbugging that I'm bah-humbugging!!!
So...just like Scrooge, I think I'll be visited by the three "ghosts" of Christmas to gain my perspective.
When I was a child I loved Christmas! Growing up Christmas was truly the most wonderful time of the year. My parents both come from huge families (they each had 14 siblings), and that meant tons of cousins and tons of food and, depending on which side we were with, lots of card playing (which meant nickel hearts in the breezeway with Dad & Uncle Jack) or lots more music (which meant improvised accompaniment to carols and made up words to traditional Christmas songs), and there was always lots of laughter. Either way, it meant a ton of family and a ton of fun.
We had our own family traditions, too. I grew up Lutheran until I was in 9th grade so every Christmas Eve we would get dressed up in the one gift we could open on Christmas Eve (most people do pajamas...we did new Church clothes...usually homemade and matching when I was really young, but still beautiful and exciting) and we would all look forward to going to Candlelight services at 11:00 PM. And, since 11 PM is a late show, we'd often have oyster stew around 9:00 and then we'd load into the car about 9:30 or 10 and we'd drive around looking at Christmas lights until it was time to go to church. It was glorious. My Dad would make us "ooh and ahh" over the lights that were really done up, and he'd often tell stories about the lights or the displays or the people who did them. Again, there was lots of laughter and lots and lots of joy. We'd head to Candlelight services where there was a peaceful amazement that fell over the sanctuary. You could literally feel it. People were excited...they knew that we were there to celebrate the culmination of our anticipation season...we'd light that final Advent Candle and sing "O, Holy Night" for the first time. Christmas was a time of spiritual and familial magic. Mom & Dad might "bite" at each other early in the night when they were trying to make sure everything was getting done, but by the time the Oyster Stew was complete (of which I never once ate an oyster...I hate those slimy things...but the "broth" was pure enjoyment! And they gave meaning to oyster crackers!) all was well and the hand holding and snuggling and cooing and low talking would begin. Mom would laugh at Dad's jokes and stories and when they got too outlandish she'd say, "Oh, Gene!" and playfully slap him while she told us it was all lies. Sometimes, after the Candlelight services...when they started doing them at 10:30 instead of 11:00...we'd finish up at our church and head down to Grandma's to attend Midnight Mass. I'll never forget the first time I smelled the incense and asked my dad quite a ways above a whisper what that awful smell was. I'm sure I was really young, and I remember Dad quieting me quickly, but I'll never forget the Priest walking down the aisle swinging the incense. Oh, and if we returned home after the Candlelight service? We'd plead with Dad to let us open "just one more!!" Christmas present until he'd go down beneath the tree and pick one out for us to open. This was sometimes pajamas...sometimes a new toy...but always exciting!! And pretty soon...after much more pleading...all the presents would be open and Mom would be chuckling over the fact that "they did it again." Oh, Christmas in our house is a great memory for me.
I'm going back to 9th grade with this ghost, though...My sister was married and it was Dad, Mom, Todd & me at home. Toddly had decided to make all of my presents very easily seen under the tree that year, and he wrapped them ALL in purple foil wrapping paper. It was absolutely beautiful ~ purple was my favorite color that year. In the pile of gifts was a purple & white ski coat with matching purple mittens, a purple and white raglan sleeve sweater, and, I think, that's the year he gave me a wooden letter "C" because every time he'd ask me what I wanted I'd say, "hmmm, let's seeeeeeee...." It still makes me laugh. Toddly has a heart of gold. Dad would have gotten a bottle of either "Old Spice" or "AquaVelva," Mom would have gotten either a book, a hat or some new clothes, and Toddly would have gotten some new clothes, too.
"Ah, ghost of Christmas Past, why can't I remember what I gave?"
Now for Christmas present: My husband and I have been married for 11 years this month. My boys are 9 and 6, and they still "believe" that Santa is a man in love with Jesus who longs to share His love with boys and girls around the world by sneaking into their houses on Christmas Eve and leaving presents for the birthday party. My house is a mess...*insert BIG groan here*...it's always a mess. There's so much STUFF!! We're in the process of clearing out. We've gotten rid of so much already and there's still so much to clear. The tree in our front window is a real tree this year. It's a small little 4 footer on a table to make it look good in the window. The presents are purchased and waiting to be wrapped. I'd tell you what I'm giving, but someone might read this and then the cat's out of the bag! Oh. That reminded me. This will be the first Christmas without my "first baby," Ebony Kazotsky ~ my big black medium-long haired cat.
And the ghost brings me to friend's houses...those who are just waiting for the day when they'll get the call from the hospital that her Mom has passed away. Those who are wondering how they're going to pay for Christmas with a husband out of work and a wife working as much as she can to make ends meet. The family who is wondering what the future holds employment-wise for them and tightening their financial belts "just in case." Friends who will deal with the guilt of leaving family once again after the holidays are over and they return home...and praying their "other" families will understand and be gracious this time. A friend who will receive another round of chemo on Christmas Eve (Merry Christmas, Angie!), and still has an amazing spirit of joy and peace about her. And I see my original family...Toddly and Denise celebrating on the East Coast. Tami & Chris and the kids celebrating with Mom & Dad in Nebraska. My sister, Teresa, whom I've never met but hope to one day, celebrating in Germany. Aunts & Uncles all around the world from California to New Hampshire...Virginia to Texas...South Dakota to Australia...and places in between. Scott's extended family in Canada, Florida, Texas and California.... Some of them ill or anticipating what 2009 will bring in the way of bad news. All of them celebrating (again, some without really knowing they are) the birth of the reason I'm alive today...to bring glory and praise to the newborn King ~ Jesus Christ.
"Ah, Ghost of Christmas Present, there's so much we have...and some are hurting so badly. Why can't I see the blessings? Show me who I can touch with the love of Christmas this year!"
And the Ghost of Christmas Future: My boys are all grown up. They might have families of their own (I hope so...lots of little granddaughters running around) it's my ghost of Christmas future...I can dream, right? Their trees are up and their lights are on the house. They have sports on the television and their wives are wondering why they've "checked out" instead of jumped in to join them with the Advent devotional. One hollars back, "My Mom did that with us...that's your job." The girls don't mind ~ they love this time of year and Daddy loves them so very much, but the littlest one wanders in and asks her Daddy if, for her, he'll come join them and write down what he wants to give Jesus today. He rolls his eyes and sighs real big and wanders in to plop into the chair as Mommy forces a smile at her girls and starts to read the advent story of that year. We go ahead a couple of days and the family is getting everything loaded into the car for their trip to see Grandparents over Christmas break. The kids are excited, but the parents are frazzled and frustrated over the sheer number of miles needed to travel just to see family. It would be so much easier to just stay home and make the regular phone call. Christmas Present brings me to the windows of our own home as the boys arrive with their families, and I see there are decorations up and candles are lit. Carols play over the satellite stereo system wired throughout the house. I am hurriedly rushing about trying to remember where I put the rest of the presents. Scott is needing to go to the mall ("What? It's 3:00 on Christmas Eve!!" "Well, I know...this is when I do my shopping!"), and the kids are forgotten in front of the television set with some Christmas movie like, "Jacob's Gift" or something. Caleb & Micah immediately start wrestling and the daughters-in-law are simply trying to figure out why they have to miss Christmas with their original families once again. The nativity set is prominently in the front of the Christmas tree (with a Baby Jesus who can come out of the manger and be played with the so the kids know He's a personal Savior and not a figurine that can be looked at but not touched), and the "Happy Birthday, Jesus" stocking hangs prominently on the back of the front door. I look at the Ghost of Christmas Future with a question in my eyes..."is there.....?" He inclines his head toward the stocking and says, "see for yourself." I glide over to the stocking (afterall, I'm with a ghost...I certainly didn't walk!) and reach my hand inside. I pull out slips of paper. Each one has a picture of the nativity with the words, "Happy Birthday, Jesus. You are my greatest gift. In return for all You are to me, this is my gift to you today: __________________________. Love, __________________" Tears stack up in my eyes and I read the names on the bottoms of the slips. All of the family: grandchildren, children, daughters-in-law, and my handsome spouse are on the slips. Mine is, too, and I read it, "...gift to You today: my bad attitude towards Christmas. May You be the center of all of it."
"Oh! Ghost of Christmas Future! Why didn't I learn!? It's years later and I still have a bad attitude toward Christmas!! WHY didn't I learn?"
I am back in my chair at my desk. "The Bishop's Wife" is playing on the TV being recorded to DVD, and my fluffy little dog, Dakota, is hiding in his doghouse outside because he doesn't want anyone to see his masculine doggy-self in the adorable Santa coat with hood lined in White faux fur I make him wear this time of year. But my bah-humbug has turned to "born unto us...." thoughts instead.
Born unto us are the memories of Christmases past. Some of them hold beauty and light and hope. Some hold pain and emptiness and a loneliness that sucks joy from every crevice.
Born unto us are friends and families who look forward to the time spent together. There will be frustrations as adults figure out how to be adults instead of children in their parent's home, and grandkids will cause joy and frustration as they are so innocently themselves.
Born unto us is the reality that our futures are written upon the scripts of Christmases Past & Present.
Born unto us is the equal reality that our Christmas Present can change the scripts of Christmases Future by focusing on one thing:
"For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10)
There is hope. There is reason. There is meaning in this life.
Hope is found in the manger...in a stable filled with the most Christmasy of smells: animal dung and hay. He came so we can know joy in the midst of the dung in our lives.
There is reason found in the hill called Mt. Calvary. We were created by, lived for and died for. All so we could know a peace that passes all understanding in the midst of secularism and greed.
There is meaning in this life found between the pages of the Bible which is God Breathed, and "useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness..." All so we could know we are not a cosmic accident, but were "knit together in our Mother's womb" by the very God who breathed Scripture, Heaven and Earth into existence.
Focusing not only on the "reason for the season" but on the reasons in the season takes the Bah-humbugs away. Even if you have little...or if you have much...peaceful and full is the heart where Christ is at it's center pumping life-blood and truth through it's veins.
May you have a wonderful and Merry Christmas as you celebrate the birth of the Savior of the World...the only way there will ever be peace on earth...Jesus Christ.
(by the way, if you're wanting to just see the best part of the movie, "A Christmas Carol" you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7NfDuDh0Uc What a beautiful scene!)
And, just because it fits and it's one of my favorite movies EVER...
If you start watching it, beware...it's the full movie! I found it on Google videos, and it's the 1935 version. The story is just so powerful and thought provoking.
But somedays I still feel like Scrooge. And, just like Scrooge, it's for purely selfish reasons.
I'm bah-humbugging that we won't be celebrating in our home with our Christmas tree and all our personal family's traditions with the boys.
I'm bah-humbugging that my mind is, at times, so unfocused that I am somewhat overcome with the anxiety of how I'm going to get it all done.
I'm bah-humbugging the fact that at the end of this year there are only 19 days left of the United States as we know it.
I'm bah-humbugging that I have procrastinated getting my house in order and now I am frustrated with the packing process for our upcoming trip.
speaking of which...I'm bah-humbugging the fact that I am leaving the cold and crisp and Christmassy-feeling Pacific Northwest for tropical and sunny and summery-feeling Southern California. sigh. I want snow for Christmas.
I'm bah-humbugging that I am now THE MOM and it's up to me to make the Christmas season all magical and wonderful...instead of my Mom and Aunts.
I'm bah-humbugging that I'm bah-humbugging!!!
So...just like Scrooge, I think I'll be visited by the three "ghosts" of Christmas to gain my perspective.
When I was a child I loved Christmas! Growing up Christmas was truly the most wonderful time of the year. My parents both come from huge families (they each had 14 siblings), and that meant tons of cousins and tons of food and, depending on which side we were with, lots of card playing (which meant nickel hearts in the breezeway with Dad & Uncle Jack) or lots more music (which meant improvised accompaniment to carols and made up words to traditional Christmas songs), and there was always lots of laughter. Either way, it meant a ton of family and a ton of fun.
We had our own family traditions, too. I grew up Lutheran until I was in 9th grade so every Christmas Eve we would get dressed up in the one gift we could open on Christmas Eve (most people do pajamas...we did new Church clothes...usually homemade and matching when I was really young, but still beautiful and exciting) and we would all look forward to going to Candlelight services at 11:00 PM. And, since 11 PM is a late show, we'd often have oyster stew around 9:00 and then we'd load into the car about 9:30 or 10 and we'd drive around looking at Christmas lights until it was time to go to church. It was glorious. My Dad would make us "ooh and ahh" over the lights that were really done up, and he'd often tell stories about the lights or the displays or the people who did them. Again, there was lots of laughter and lots and lots of joy. We'd head to Candlelight services where there was a peaceful amazement that fell over the sanctuary. You could literally feel it. People were excited...they knew that we were there to celebrate the culmination of our anticipation season...we'd light that final Advent Candle and sing "O, Holy Night" for the first time. Christmas was a time of spiritual and familial magic. Mom & Dad might "bite" at each other early in the night when they were trying to make sure everything was getting done, but by the time the Oyster Stew was complete (of which I never once ate an oyster...I hate those slimy things...but the "broth" was pure enjoyment! And they gave meaning to oyster crackers!) all was well and the hand holding and snuggling and cooing and low talking would begin. Mom would laugh at Dad's jokes and stories and when they got too outlandish she'd say, "Oh, Gene!" and playfully slap him while she told us it was all lies. Sometimes, after the Candlelight services...when they started doing them at 10:30 instead of 11:00...we'd finish up at our church and head down to Grandma's to attend Midnight Mass. I'll never forget the first time I smelled the incense and asked my dad quite a ways above a whisper what that awful smell was. I'm sure I was really young, and I remember Dad quieting me quickly, but I'll never forget the Priest walking down the aisle swinging the incense. Oh, and if we returned home after the Candlelight service? We'd plead with Dad to let us open "just one more!!" Christmas present until he'd go down beneath the tree and pick one out for us to open. This was sometimes pajamas...sometimes a new toy...but always exciting!! And pretty soon...after much more pleading...all the presents would be open and Mom would be chuckling over the fact that "they did it again." Oh, Christmas in our house is a great memory for me.
I'm going back to 9th grade with this ghost, though...My sister was married and it was Dad, Mom, Todd & me at home. Toddly had decided to make all of my presents very easily seen under the tree that year, and he wrapped them ALL in purple foil wrapping paper. It was absolutely beautiful ~ purple was my favorite color that year. In the pile of gifts was a purple & white ski coat with matching purple mittens, a purple and white raglan sleeve sweater, and, I think, that's the year he gave me a wooden letter "C" because every time he'd ask me what I wanted I'd say, "hmmm, let's seeeeeeee...." It still makes me laugh. Toddly has a heart of gold. Dad would have gotten a bottle of either "Old Spice" or "AquaVelva," Mom would have gotten either a book, a hat or some new clothes, and Toddly would have gotten some new clothes, too.
"Ah, ghost of Christmas Past, why can't I remember what I gave?"
Now for Christmas present: My husband and I have been married for 11 years this month. My boys are 9 and 6, and they still "believe" that Santa is a man in love with Jesus who longs to share His love with boys and girls around the world by sneaking into their houses on Christmas Eve and leaving presents for the birthday party. My house is a mess...*insert BIG groan here*...it's always a mess. There's so much STUFF!! We're in the process of clearing out. We've gotten rid of so much already and there's still so much to clear. The tree in our front window is a real tree this year. It's a small little 4 footer on a table to make it look good in the window. The presents are purchased and waiting to be wrapped. I'd tell you what I'm giving, but someone might read this and then the cat's out of the bag! Oh. That reminded me. This will be the first Christmas without my "first baby," Ebony Kazotsky ~ my big black medium-long haired cat.
And the ghost brings me to friend's houses...those who are just waiting for the day when they'll get the call from the hospital that her Mom has passed away. Those who are wondering how they're going to pay for Christmas with a husband out of work and a wife working as much as she can to make ends meet. The family who is wondering what the future holds employment-wise for them and tightening their financial belts "just in case." Friends who will deal with the guilt of leaving family once again after the holidays are over and they return home...and praying their "other" families will understand and be gracious this time. A friend who will receive another round of chemo on Christmas Eve (Merry Christmas, Angie!), and still has an amazing spirit of joy and peace about her. And I see my original family...Toddly and Denise celebrating on the East Coast. Tami & Chris and the kids celebrating with Mom & Dad in Nebraska. My sister, Teresa, whom I've never met but hope to one day, celebrating in Germany. Aunts & Uncles all around the world from California to New Hampshire...Virginia to Texas...South Dakota to Australia...and places in between. Scott's extended family in Canada, Florida, Texas and California.... Some of them ill or anticipating what 2009 will bring in the way of bad news. All of them celebrating (again, some without really knowing they are) the birth of the reason I'm alive today...to bring glory and praise to the newborn King ~ Jesus Christ.
"Ah, Ghost of Christmas Present, there's so much we have...and some are hurting so badly. Why can't I see the blessings? Show me who I can touch with the love of Christmas this year!"
And the Ghost of Christmas Future: My boys are all grown up. They might have families of their own (I hope so...lots of little granddaughters running around) it's my ghost of Christmas future...I can dream, right? Their trees are up and their lights are on the house. They have sports on the television and their wives are wondering why they've "checked out" instead of jumped in to join them with the Advent devotional. One hollars back, "My Mom did that with us...that's your job." The girls don't mind ~ they love this time of year and Daddy loves them so very much, but the littlest one wanders in and asks her Daddy if, for her, he'll come join them and write down what he wants to give Jesus today. He rolls his eyes and sighs real big and wanders in to plop into the chair as Mommy forces a smile at her girls and starts to read the advent story of that year. We go ahead a couple of days and the family is getting everything loaded into the car for their trip to see Grandparents over Christmas break. The kids are excited, but the parents are frazzled and frustrated over the sheer number of miles needed to travel just to see family. It would be so much easier to just stay home and make the regular phone call. Christmas Present brings me to the windows of our own home as the boys arrive with their families, and I see there are decorations up and candles are lit. Carols play over the satellite stereo system wired throughout the house. I am hurriedly rushing about trying to remember where I put the rest of the presents. Scott is needing to go to the mall ("What? It's 3:00 on Christmas Eve!!" "Well, I know...this is when I do my shopping!"), and the kids are forgotten in front of the television set with some Christmas movie like, "Jacob's Gift" or something. Caleb & Micah immediately start wrestling and the daughters-in-law are simply trying to figure out why they have to miss Christmas with their original families once again. The nativity set is prominently in the front of the Christmas tree (with a Baby Jesus who can come out of the manger and be played with the so the kids know He's a personal Savior and not a figurine that can be looked at but not touched), and the "Happy Birthday, Jesus" stocking hangs prominently on the back of the front door. I look at the Ghost of Christmas Future with a question in my eyes..."is there.....?" He inclines his head toward the stocking and says, "see for yourself." I glide over to the stocking (afterall, I'm with a ghost...I certainly didn't walk!) and reach my hand inside. I pull out slips of paper. Each one has a picture of the nativity with the words, "Happy Birthday, Jesus. You are my greatest gift. In return for all You are to me, this is my gift to you today: __________________________. Love, __________________" Tears stack up in my eyes and I read the names on the bottoms of the slips. All of the family: grandchildren, children, daughters-in-law, and my handsome spouse are on the slips. Mine is, too, and I read it, "...gift to You today: my bad attitude towards Christmas. May You be the center of all of it."
"Oh! Ghost of Christmas Future! Why didn't I learn!? It's years later and I still have a bad attitude toward Christmas!! WHY didn't I learn?"
I am back in my chair at my desk. "The Bishop's Wife" is playing on the TV being recorded to DVD, and my fluffy little dog, Dakota, is hiding in his doghouse outside because he doesn't want anyone to see his masculine doggy-self in the adorable Santa coat with hood lined in White faux fur I make him wear this time of year. But my bah-humbug has turned to "born unto us...." thoughts instead.
Born unto us are the memories of Christmases past. Some of them hold beauty and light and hope. Some hold pain and emptiness and a loneliness that sucks joy from every crevice.
Born unto us are friends and families who look forward to the time spent together. There will be frustrations as adults figure out how to be adults instead of children in their parent's home, and grandkids will cause joy and frustration as they are so innocently themselves.
Born unto us is the reality that our futures are written upon the scripts of Christmases Past & Present.
Born unto us is the equal reality that our Christmas Present can change the scripts of Christmases Future by focusing on one thing:
"For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord." (Luke 2:10)
There is hope. There is reason. There is meaning in this life.
Hope is found in the manger...in a stable filled with the most Christmasy of smells: animal dung and hay. He came so we can know joy in the midst of the dung in our lives.
There is reason found in the hill called Mt. Calvary. We were created by, lived for and died for. All so we could know a peace that passes all understanding in the midst of secularism and greed.
There is meaning in this life found between the pages of the Bible which is God Breathed, and "useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness..." All so we could know we are not a cosmic accident, but were "knit together in our Mother's womb" by the very God who breathed Scripture, Heaven and Earth into existence.
Focusing not only on the "reason for the season" but on the reasons in the season takes the Bah-humbugs away. Even if you have little...or if you have much...peaceful and full is the heart where Christ is at it's center pumping life-blood and truth through it's veins.
May you have a wonderful and Merry Christmas as you celebrate the birth of the Savior of the World...the only way there will ever be peace on earth...Jesus Christ.
(by the way, if you're wanting to just see the best part of the movie, "A Christmas Carol" you can find it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7NfDuDh0Uc What a beautiful scene!)
And, just because it fits and it's one of my favorite movies EVER...
