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Friday, October 24, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SOPHIE!
Twelve years ago this morning I held the most beautiful and amazing little girl in my arms. After 3 hours of pushing, an umbilical cord wrapped around her neck, and the fear of her getting "stuck" in the birth canal too late for an emergency C-section (and MANY prayers from everyone in the room!) she was "on the other side." Amazing, really.
Amazing that such a battle would go on over such a small little body ~ I think the fight was over the impact of a soul such as hers on society. She lives...God wins. She dies...the enemy does. Guess what? GOD ALWAYS WINS!!!
It's a hard day for me, these days I am forced to stop and feel the feelings all over again. There is a common misnomer about the woman who places her child for adoption. Either she is projected as a young woman too young to be a mother and forced by those around her (the older and wiser) to place her child for adoption. Or she is spoken of as a heartless woman who wanted to be free of the strains of motherhood. Or she is seen as a pseudo-mom who makes the "right" choice to place her daughter for adoption but then never leaves her to be a part of her adopted family on her own...she is, in many ways, mom numero dos. Or, my personal favorite myth, she is a strong woman who does the right thing, has the faith to see it through and be strong about sharing it and will always be able to be a part of the child's life because of the beauty of the gift of adoption without ever struggling with where she fits, how to communicate with "her child", or where the boundaries are between her own personal family and the family she placed in the arms of another couple to raise. Not one of them is true in it's entirety.
A birth mother has to set her own boundaries. She must, in every sense of the word, hold herself back from what she longs to do. An equivalent may be the feeling a parent gets when they see a mother in a store yelling at her child...as a parent who loves you long to say something, but knowing your boundaries, you keep your mouth shut and try to catch the child's eye to let them know you see them. Such is the birth mother's place. As the Birth Mother of a child in a semi-open adoption, I have placed my boundaries in such a way as to allow her to have her family without the confusion of where I fit in...and for my husband and I to have our family without the confusion of where she fits in. These are healthy boundaries. They may not always seem fair, and they certainly aren't always easy, but they are the boundaries nonetheless.
Days like this make me want to scream! Not because of anything the child I placed for adoption does or did...NO! But because days like this bring the healthy boundaries back in to the uncomfortable and struggling range.
I think days like this do that on both sides of the equation. We on "this" side wonder, "should we call? When is a good time to call? Will I interrupt a family celebration if I call? Will an e-mail seem too impersonal? What if I have a super busy day and don't even get the chance to do either? UGH! Will she think I don't love her if I don't contact her...don't send her anything...don't whatever? UGH!!!" I can only venture to guess, but I would venture to guess that on the "other" side there are thoughts like, "will she call? When will she call? Will she send a gift on time this time or will it be late like always? If she doesn't call how will we "pick up the pieces" so to speak? How do we handle the differences between her family and the family that is so much a part of our lives? Why do we have to wonder?" Days like this bring all the questions, the frustrations, the fears back to the surface and so I struggle through...
Hmmm, I say "days like this" as if they're a bad thing. They're not. They are necessary and very much a part of the adoption process. Just like a marriage adoption doesn't just happen once. For the adoptive family I think it does (only because they have the child with them 24/7), but not for the birth mother. No. For the birth mother the adoption process happens with great regularity. I find myself having to let go of my dreams for my daughter daily at times. Just like surrendering my children who live with me to the Lord's care, I must daily surrender the desire for my daughter to live in my home...with her family of origin. Let me clarify: it is not a psychological wound that will one day rupture and cause me to steal my daughter like so many stupid we-really-don't-have-any-idea-what-adoption-is-really-like novels out there. It is not that kind of surrendering...it is, instead, the continual surrender of a heartfelt desire to be the mother to my daughter. I have two boys in my house...I have friends with daughters and when I see the struggle, pain and beauty of a mother-daughter relationship my heart yearns for what I will never have. My heart aches for that which I could have had, but knew should not happen.
It's days like this that I need to reaffirm my faith in a God who loves me...sees me...hurts with me...and is everything I need and so much more. Even when what I want isn't what He gives me. Even more so then.
So, today...on Sophie's 12th birthday (she corrected me this summer...I could have sworn she was turning 13! Seriously! I somewhere lost a year...and there is nothing that feels worse than realizing you got your own child's age wrong), I have struggled. I have written her notes and letters and wished I had the ability to frame a relationship beyond, "hi, Soph, how are you?" I am not like that, though. Not with someone I long so desperately to be more than casual with. When I talk to people I love I want to connect on a heart-to-heart level. It is sewn into the fabric of my personality. I hate shallow conversations when there is so much more to say! But often when I only speak randomly and know so very little about them I clam up and don't say the words I long to say...mainly because they seem inappropriate. Who am I to say I love so deeply when I know so shallowly? Who am I to express a mother's love with a daughter who knows so very little about me? So, instead, I remain a connected stranger and pray for the day when a relationship ~ two-sided and interested on a mutual level ~ will surface. God knows the timing of that. I have no idea. I only know it isn't now...not quite now.
I realize in re-reading this post that it seems awfully selfish to be writing about me instead of celebrating the amazing life that is Sophie. I certainly do realize it. Maybe it's because of the pondering of events in the recent past that everything seems to be coming to a head today. Maybe it's because for the past few weeks (a couple of months, really) I have thought about and thought about whether I am a bad person for wanting healthy boundaries in my life where my adopted daughter is concerned. I have debated and rebutted so many ideas of what kind of person I am simply because I do not believe it healthy for a birth mother to be overly involved in her child's life...I do not believe it to be healthy for my daughter, or for my own family I have the obligation to serve and raise now. Yes, I believe that's why I've written this kind of post instead of the standard "WOO HOO!!" post I would be writing on this day. (not that inside I'm not saying "WOO HOOO!!!" Quite the contrary! I have spent more time looking at pictures of Sophie and thinking about the miracle of her life than I normally do. I have certainly said, "WOO HOO!!" many times today.)
I have come to understand that I am not a "Mommy Warbucks" in her life who will call and gush at the appropriate times simply because I'm supposed to. I am the woman who made a choice in her favor. That's all I am. She doesn't need another Mother. She needs to know I made a choice in her favor because I love her with every beat of my heart. I love her, but I'm not her Mom. She has a Mom. The Mom God chose for her. And I personally think she has a really great MOM.
So I say, "happy birthday!" from a distance, and add one more day to my daily prayers that God will protect her heart and always let her know ~ down deep ~ that no matter how often we talk or communicate on any level she is loved with a love that knows no end. Always.
Happy Birthday, Sophie. I love you.
Amazing that such a battle would go on over such a small little body ~ I think the fight was over the impact of a soul such as hers on society. She lives...God wins. She dies...the enemy does. Guess what? GOD ALWAYS WINS!!!
It's a hard day for me, these days I am forced to stop and feel the feelings all over again. There is a common misnomer about the woman who places her child for adoption. Either she is projected as a young woman too young to be a mother and forced by those around her (the older and wiser) to place her child for adoption. Or she is spoken of as a heartless woman who wanted to be free of the strains of motherhood. Or she is seen as a pseudo-mom who makes the "right" choice to place her daughter for adoption but then never leaves her to be a part of her adopted family on her own...she is, in many ways, mom numero dos. Or, my personal favorite myth, she is a strong woman who does the right thing, has the faith to see it through and be strong about sharing it and will always be able to be a part of the child's life because of the beauty of the gift of adoption without ever struggling with where she fits, how to communicate with "her child", or where the boundaries are between her own personal family and the family she placed in the arms of another couple to raise. Not one of them is true in it's entirety.
A birth mother has to set her own boundaries. She must, in every sense of the word, hold herself back from what she longs to do. An equivalent may be the feeling a parent gets when they see a mother in a store yelling at her child...as a parent who loves you long to say something, but knowing your boundaries, you keep your mouth shut and try to catch the child's eye to let them know you see them. Such is the birth mother's place. As the Birth Mother of a child in a semi-open adoption, I have placed my boundaries in such a way as to allow her to have her family without the confusion of where I fit in...and for my husband and I to have our family without the confusion of where she fits in. These are healthy boundaries. They may not always seem fair, and they certainly aren't always easy, but they are the boundaries nonetheless.
Days like this make me want to scream! Not because of anything the child I placed for adoption does or did...NO! But because days like this bring the healthy boundaries back in to the uncomfortable and struggling range.
I think days like this do that on both sides of the equation. We on "this" side wonder, "should we call? When is a good time to call? Will I interrupt a family celebration if I call? Will an e-mail seem too impersonal? What if I have a super busy day and don't even get the chance to do either? UGH! Will she think I don't love her if I don't contact her...don't send her anything...don't whatever? UGH!!!" I can only venture to guess, but I would venture to guess that on the "other" side there are thoughts like, "will she call? When will she call? Will she send a gift on time this time or will it be late like always? If she doesn't call how will we "pick up the pieces" so to speak? How do we handle the differences between her family and the family that is so much a part of our lives? Why do we have to wonder?" Days like this bring all the questions, the frustrations, the fears back to the surface and so I struggle through...
Hmmm, I say "days like this" as if they're a bad thing. They're not. They are necessary and very much a part of the adoption process. Just like a marriage adoption doesn't just happen once. For the adoptive family I think it does (only because they have the child with them 24/7), but not for the birth mother. No. For the birth mother the adoption process happens with great regularity. I find myself having to let go of my dreams for my daughter daily at times. Just like surrendering my children who live with me to the Lord's care, I must daily surrender the desire for my daughter to live in my home...with her family of origin. Let me clarify: it is not a psychological wound that will one day rupture and cause me to steal my daughter like so many stupid we-really-don't-have-any-idea-what-adoption-is-really-like novels out there. It is not that kind of surrendering...it is, instead, the continual surrender of a heartfelt desire to be the mother to my daughter. I have two boys in my house...I have friends with daughters and when I see the struggle, pain and beauty of a mother-daughter relationship my heart yearns for what I will never have. My heart aches for that which I could have had, but knew should not happen.
It's days like this that I need to reaffirm my faith in a God who loves me...sees me...hurts with me...and is everything I need and so much more. Even when what I want isn't what He gives me. Even more so then.
So, today...on Sophie's 12th birthday (she corrected me this summer...I could have sworn she was turning 13! Seriously! I somewhere lost a year...and there is nothing that feels worse than realizing you got your own child's age wrong), I have struggled. I have written her notes and letters and wished I had the ability to frame a relationship beyond, "hi, Soph, how are you?" I am not like that, though. Not with someone I long so desperately to be more than casual with. When I talk to people I love I want to connect on a heart-to-heart level. It is sewn into the fabric of my personality. I hate shallow conversations when there is so much more to say! But often when I only speak randomly and know so very little about them I clam up and don't say the words I long to say...mainly because they seem inappropriate. Who am I to say I love so deeply when I know so shallowly? Who am I to express a mother's love with a daughter who knows so very little about me? So, instead, I remain a connected stranger and pray for the day when a relationship ~ two-sided and interested on a mutual level ~ will surface. God knows the timing of that. I have no idea. I only know it isn't now...not quite now.
I realize in re-reading this post that it seems awfully selfish to be writing about me instead of celebrating the amazing life that is Sophie. I certainly do realize it. Maybe it's because of the pondering of events in the recent past that everything seems to be coming to a head today. Maybe it's because for the past few weeks (a couple of months, really) I have thought about and thought about whether I am a bad person for wanting healthy boundaries in my life where my adopted daughter is concerned. I have debated and rebutted so many ideas of what kind of person I am simply because I do not believe it healthy for a birth mother to be overly involved in her child's life...I do not believe it to be healthy for my daughter, or for my own family I have the obligation to serve and raise now. Yes, I believe that's why I've written this kind of post instead of the standard "WOO HOO!!" post I would be writing on this day. (not that inside I'm not saying "WOO HOOO!!!" Quite the contrary! I have spent more time looking at pictures of Sophie and thinking about the miracle of her life than I normally do. I have certainly said, "WOO HOO!!" many times today.)
I have come to understand that I am not a "Mommy Warbucks" in her life who will call and gush at the appropriate times simply because I'm supposed to. I am the woman who made a choice in her favor. That's all I am. She doesn't need another Mother. She needs to know I made a choice in her favor because I love her with every beat of my heart. I love her, but I'm not her Mom. She has a Mom. The Mom God chose for her. And I personally think she has a really great MOM.
So I say, "happy birthday!" from a distance, and add one more day to my daily prayers that God will protect her heart and always let her know ~ down deep ~ that no matter how often we talk or communicate on any level she is loved with a love that knows no end. Always.
Happy Birthday, Sophie. I love you.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Politics...YUCK!
I hate politics. I hate that people think they have to manipulate, lie, cheat and swindel others to get their point across. The idea of having to schmooze people makes me sick. The lust for power and the desire for more fame and fortune has ruined more people than I care to count. I have known plenty of people in my own life...relatively short and eneventful as it may be..whose desire for power over other people has taken their God-given success and replaced it with "success" that brings accolades and kudos from those around them, but their personality...their life...was now stunted and floundering. Instead of being content wtih who they are and trusting God to open the doors to their success they think they have to rub shoulders with just the right people...get just the right people to notice their work...take credit for things they didn't do on their own, and in general, they lose their soul to win the whole world. I hate politics.
However, with that said, it is a part of our lives ~ and in this term I mean the noun, Politics. We live in a Democracy. A place where The People's voice means something. We live in a country where our leaders (for the most part, and originally) are voted upon and instilled with our trust to rule as the majority wishes.
In this year we vote on the most important office of the United States of America.
(sidenote: isn't it interesting that the most important jobs are usually the least paid? President...Teacher...Pastor...hmmmmmmm....maybe there's a method to the madness: the more powerful the position the lesser pay to insure a more humble attitude....)
The main candidates are: Barack Obama and John McCain. Young, Junior Senator from Illinois vs. Older, Experienced American from Arizona. I also like to look at it this way: anti-Christ vs. The People.
This post isn't about the evils of Barack Obama ~ even though the idea of a President who cares not a lick for life...whether born or unborn...scares the crap out of me, as does the idea of a President whose wife has NEVER been proud of the country she is being asked to represent ~ but it is about some thoughts that were spurred by an article about Barack Obama's mother.
I was reading the biography of his mother ~ Stanley Ann Dunham Obama Soetoro at this Snopes page: It's a fascinating article in which the whole story of her life is laid out. Her "marriage" to Obama that doesn't ever really seem to be...her education in philosophy (read communism)...her desire to find something that never seemed to be available to her is intriguing. That, and her son's inability to accept the truth of his life...accept himself for who he is...or even his inability to accept the messed up life as MESSED UP and not romantic and esoteric seems to be very telling.
In another article I was reading about her (I started doing research as to what other news media say about his mother...) I found this paragraph with a quote from Barack Obama Jr's half-sister that spurred this whole thought process...
"She felt that, somehow, wandering through uncharted territory, we might stumble upon something that will, in an instant, seem to represent who we are at the core," said Maya Soetoro-Ng, Obama's half-sister. "That was very much her philosophy of life - to not be limited by fear or narrow definitions, to not build walls around ourselves and to do our best to find kinship and beauty in unexpected places."
I read this with a rather heavy heart. That first sentence says it all...the second sentence is the excuse. I am raising two young boys. That's not a secret. They are crazy, adventurous, loud, at times disobedient (thankfully) and very much grounded in the truth that they are exactly who God made them to be and that HE made them in HIS image. When they struggle with their mistakes...when they begin to feel like He must have messed up and missed plugging something in somewhere...those are the times they are most assured that in His somewhat incomprehensible plan that very thing has a purpose. It is the hardest to accept at times, but it is also the greatest gift of freedom I can offer my children in the home of the free and the land of the brave. It is in the acceptance of self ~ known self as in "God created me for His Glory" self ~ that I can expect my children to be both free and brave in their lives.
Barack Obama Jr seems to be a man who is fighting for something he knows nothing about, but is hoping that in fighting he will somehow, "stumble upon something that will, in an instant, seem to represent who we are at the core."
The idea that people want him stumbling through with the power of being President of the United States of America behind him terrifies me...and sends me to my knees. I hope it does you, too.
However, with that said, it is a part of our lives ~ and in this term I mean the noun, Politics. We live in a Democracy. A place where The People's voice means something. We live in a country where our leaders (for the most part, and originally) are voted upon and instilled with our trust to rule as the majority wishes.
In this year we vote on the most important office of the United States of America.
(sidenote: isn't it interesting that the most important jobs are usually the least paid? President...Teacher...Pastor...hmmmmmmm....maybe there's a method to the madness: the more powerful the position the lesser pay to insure a more humble attitude....)
The main candidates are: Barack Obama and John McCain. Young, Junior Senator from Illinois vs. Older, Experienced American from Arizona. I also like to look at it this way: anti-Christ vs. The People.
This post isn't about the evils of Barack Obama ~ even though the idea of a President who cares not a lick for life...whether born or unborn...scares the crap out of me, as does the idea of a President whose wife has NEVER been proud of the country she is being asked to represent ~ but it is about some thoughts that were spurred by an article about Barack Obama's mother.
I was reading the biography of his mother ~ Stanley Ann Dunham Obama Soetoro at this Snopes page: It's a fascinating article in which the whole story of her life is laid out. Her "marriage" to Obama that doesn't ever really seem to be...her education in philosophy (read communism)...her desire to find something that never seemed to be available to her is intriguing. That, and her son's inability to accept the truth of his life...accept himself for who he is...or even his inability to accept the messed up life as MESSED UP and not romantic and esoteric seems to be very telling.
In another article I was reading about her (I started doing research as to what other news media say about his mother...) I found this paragraph with a quote from Barack Obama Jr's half-sister that spurred this whole thought process...
"She felt that, somehow, wandering through uncharted territory, we might stumble upon something that will, in an instant, seem to represent who we are at the core," said Maya Soetoro-Ng, Obama's half-sister. "That was very much her philosophy of life - to not be limited by fear or narrow definitions, to not build walls around ourselves and to do our best to find kinship and beauty in unexpected places."
I read this with a rather heavy heart. That first sentence says it all...the second sentence is the excuse. I am raising two young boys. That's not a secret. They are crazy, adventurous, loud, at times disobedient (thankfully) and very much grounded in the truth that they are exactly who God made them to be and that HE made them in HIS image. When they struggle with their mistakes...when they begin to feel like He must have messed up and missed plugging something in somewhere...those are the times they are most assured that in His somewhat incomprehensible plan that very thing has a purpose. It is the hardest to accept at times, but it is also the greatest gift of freedom I can offer my children in the home of the free and the land of the brave. It is in the acceptance of self ~ known self as in "God created me for His Glory" self ~ that I can expect my children to be both free and brave in their lives.
Barack Obama Jr seems to be a man who is fighting for something he knows nothing about, but is hoping that in fighting he will somehow, "stumble upon something that will, in an instant, seem to represent who we are at the core."
The idea that people want him stumbling through with the power of being President of the United States of America behind him terrifies me...and sends me to my knees. I hope it does you, too.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Summer!
Well, it's been awhile and that's because I've been busy. That and...ummmm...I keep forgetting to update on here. :) I don't know if anyone reads this anymore anyway, so I'm not thinking it really matters, but...I suppose I'll update my summer for whoever may happen to still check here for updates. (sorry 'bout that!)
Once the boys got out of school we started running...no, not literally, but figuratively...but we are working on the literally. Actually, the boys attended an awesome VBS at a friend's church here in Vancouver. The theme was "Power Lab" and it was all science-y stuff so the boys had a BLAST! It was nice for me because it was held at night so every night I dropped them off and then headed out to have some time off. Scott ended up being gone most of the week, so it was extra nice to have a bit of a break as I got used to having the boys around all day again. (boy, does school spoil me or what? I'm already counting down the days to September 3rd....) The other thing I really enjoyed about it was the opportunity to see how a Kid's "worship team" looks at another church. I wasn't involved in our kid's programs at any other church I've attended (except Youth Choir in Norfolk, but that was Middle and High School aged, not elementary), and when we moved here the only church we visited was where we ended up ~ New Heights. We knew this was where God wanted us, and we love our church family and the challenges they lay out before us. However, because we never visited any other churches I don't know anyone from other churches involved in Children's Ministry. Sometimes that can be nice...sometimes it's a detriment. I believe, in my case in leading Rock Solid worship at our church, it's a detriment. I need ideas. I need to see what's possible...and then I can take it, run with it, and make it our own. But I need to see it live and in person, so to speak, to see what we could do to make RS worship more exciting, more real, more PASSIONATE for the kids involved. Watching the team from our friend's church was very idea-invoking, and very much an encouraging/discouragine event. Maybe I'll write about that sometime, but back to summer....
After VBS we went camping with our friends, Darin and Michelle, and their kids over the 4th of July weekend. I look forward to our annual camping trip. Each year we usually have 4 to 6 couples who camp together, but this year it was just the two families since one family was moving to Nashville (boo!!!!), another family had a baby (yea!!!) and I don't know why the others didn't make it...........but it was fun. There is a drawback about camping over the 4th, though. We usually go to Oregon, and Oregon is BOREgon when it comes to celebrating the 4th!! So, in the campground we were in, there were no fireworks allowed...and the tree-cover (blasted trees! kidding!) was so thick we couldn't see any fireworks from the local show. Given the fact that I LOVE the 4th of July (it's one of few times I have an excuse to let out my innner pyro) camping in BOREgon is just that...B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! (sidenote trivia: there really is a town called Boring, OR)
We returned from our camping trip long enough for me to do laundry, unpack the camper, unpack our suitcases, re-pack our suitcases, pack up my car and head back out on Wednesday morning. FUN!! The boys and I took off (yes, alone) for South Dakota via an old fashioned road trip. Well, as old-fashioned as you can get with a backseat full of gadgets and gizmos to help the trip go easier. Actually, there wasn't that much electronic gadgetry in the car save for the portable DVD player, the CD players, and the leapster. This being said, the DVD player was unavailable until we had been on the road for 3 hours...the CD players were there to play "Adventure in Odyssey" and other specifically chosen CD's and the leapster had to be shared between the two with no fighting or it disappeared. SO, cars were played with, songs were sung, sights were pointed out, and fun was had with very few occurances of, "Mom, how much longer?"
We ended up staying in one of the last 3 rooms available in Missoula, MT the first night. Rapid City, SD was "home" the second night, and we arrived at the Mom & Dad's Bed & Breakfast in Sioux Falls early Friday evening. Funny little stories will follow...
Funny story #1: On Tuesday as I was getting stuff together Scott comes to my office door and says, "Can you let me in on your plan?" I responded with, "What plan?" To which he responded, "Um, your plan for this trip."
"I have a plan? Am I supposed to have a plan? I guess my plan is this: leave Vancouver Wednesday morning, arrive in Sioux Falls Friday night. Is that good enough?"
"Ummmmmmm...no."
"oh. What more do you need?"
"Well, how about where you plan on stopping each night? Where do you plan on staying?"
"oh! Well, I suppose I'll stop someplace in Montana the first night, and probably Rapid City the second night. Is that good?"
"Ummmmmmm...no."
"oh. more?"
"yeah."
"like what?"
"where do you plan on staying?"
"in a hotel...I'm not worried about it."
"Okay. Well, that's not really a plan, Trac."
"Sure it is...I know when I'm leaving, I know when I'm supposed to arrive, and I know there are towns with hotels between the two. That's a pretty good plan."
"Trac. You're leaving with my two sons...and my wife...and that's not a plan."
"Scott, We'll be safe...and that's how I like to travel. This trip is my way of showing the boys there are other ways to travel other than 'drive and arrive.' We'll be fine...."
"*sigh* All right."
Funny Story #1, part 2:
setting: Lolo, MT (20 minutes outside of Missoula) and into Missoula
time: 11:10 PM
(the phone rings and Scott answers) "hello?"
"hey, there! We just came through the National Forest in Idaho, and it was A-May-Zing! How was your night?"
"good...where are you?"
"Lolo, MT"
"uh, O-kaaaaaaaay."
"It's outside of Missoula."
"Oh."
"So I was going to the Holiday Inn in Missoula...okay?"
"Sure."
(fast forward through conversation you don't really care to hear....Trayc and the boys are arriving at the Holiday Inn Express in Missoula, MT. The time is 11:30 PM)
Trayc says to Scott on the phone, "Hold on a sec, I'm going to check in..."
(man who raced ahead of a woman with her children so HE could be first says to clerk behind the counter) "Do you have any rooms?"
Clerk answers, "No, sir, we don't, and the only room I know that is available is a single queen bed at the **** hotel."
Trayc says to Scott: "um, hon? there are no rooms available. Now what do I do?"
Scott says, "I'll hop online and see what I can find...check the GPS and start calling from there."
"Okey-dokey"
(a short while later Scott calls with news)
"Hey, Trac, I found you a single queen non-smoking at the Quality Inn. He's holding it for you now, and you need to get there in the next 15 minutes or it's gone."
"Alrighty...give me the address......"
(Trayc and the boys start driving to the hotel. Scott is still on the phone...)
"Um, Trayc?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are you planning on being tomorrow night?"
"I told you ~ somewhere around Rapid City."
"do you have a reservation somewhere?"
"Scott. Do you THINK I have a reservation somewhere?" (smiling and chuckling)
"That's what I thought...okay. Sleep well. Call me when you get there."
"Okay."
(the great adventurers check into the Quality Inn hotel and get settled. Trayc calls Scott to let him know they made it.)
"We're in."
"okay. I've got a reservation for you tomorrow night in Rapid."
"You're the best! What if I don't want to stop?"
*biggggggg sigh* "You have until 6:00 to cancel the res."
"Okay. Thanks for doing that. I'm tired. Love you...good night."
"Love you, too. Good night."
Ah, what I wouldn't do without my super-planner husband! Actually, I probably would have driven to Butte, MT where there MIGHT have been a room...2 hours down the road and I would have been absolutely exhausted because according to my body it was only 2 hours later, but according to the clock it was 3 hours later. UGH!
We did arrive in Rapid City for Thursday, and, yes, we did also arrive in Sioux Falls Friday evening....exactly as planned! :)
I'll continue summer updates later, but now I have to go get some stuff done... ta-ta!
Once the boys got out of school we started running...no, not literally, but figuratively...but we are working on the literally. Actually, the boys attended an awesome VBS at a friend's church here in Vancouver. The theme was "Power Lab" and it was all science-y stuff so the boys had a BLAST! It was nice for me because it was held at night so every night I dropped them off and then headed out to have some time off. Scott ended up being gone most of the week, so it was extra nice to have a bit of a break as I got used to having the boys around all day again. (boy, does school spoil me or what? I'm already counting down the days to September 3rd....) The other thing I really enjoyed about it was the opportunity to see how a Kid's "worship team" looks at another church. I wasn't involved in our kid's programs at any other church I've attended (except Youth Choir in Norfolk, but that was Middle and High School aged, not elementary), and when we moved here the only church we visited was where we ended up ~ New Heights. We knew this was where God wanted us, and we love our church family and the challenges they lay out before us. However, because we never visited any other churches I don't know anyone from other churches involved in Children's Ministry. Sometimes that can be nice...sometimes it's a detriment. I believe, in my case in leading Rock Solid worship at our church, it's a detriment. I need ideas. I need to see what's possible...and then I can take it, run with it, and make it our own. But I need to see it live and in person, so to speak, to see what we could do to make RS worship more exciting, more real, more PASSIONATE for the kids involved. Watching the team from our friend's church was very idea-invoking, and very much an encouraging/discouragine event. Maybe I'll write about that sometime, but back to summer....
After VBS we went camping with our friends, Darin and Michelle, and their kids over the 4th of July weekend. I look forward to our annual camping trip. Each year we usually have 4 to 6 couples who camp together, but this year it was just the two families since one family was moving to Nashville (boo!!!!), another family had a baby (yea!!!) and I don't know why the others didn't make it...........but it was fun. There is a drawback about camping over the 4th, though. We usually go to Oregon, and Oregon is BOREgon when it comes to celebrating the 4th!! So, in the campground we were in, there were no fireworks allowed...and the tree-cover (blasted trees! kidding!) was so thick we couldn't see any fireworks from the local show. Given the fact that I LOVE the 4th of July (it's one of few times I have an excuse to let out my innner pyro) camping in BOREgon is just that...B-O-R-I-N-G!!!! (sidenote trivia: there really is a town called Boring, OR)
We returned from our camping trip long enough for me to do laundry, unpack the camper, unpack our suitcases, re-pack our suitcases, pack up my car and head back out on Wednesday morning. FUN!! The boys and I took off (yes, alone) for South Dakota via an old fashioned road trip. Well, as old-fashioned as you can get with a backseat full of gadgets and gizmos to help the trip go easier. Actually, there wasn't that much electronic gadgetry in the car save for the portable DVD player, the CD players, and the leapster. This being said, the DVD player was unavailable until we had been on the road for 3 hours...the CD players were there to play "Adventure in Odyssey" and other specifically chosen CD's and the leapster had to be shared between the two with no fighting or it disappeared. SO, cars were played with, songs were sung, sights were pointed out, and fun was had with very few occurances of, "Mom, how much longer?"
We ended up staying in one of the last 3 rooms available in Missoula, MT the first night. Rapid City, SD was "home" the second night, and we arrived at the Mom & Dad's Bed & Breakfast in Sioux Falls early Friday evening. Funny little stories will follow...
Funny story #1: On Tuesday as I was getting stuff together Scott comes to my office door and says, "Can you let me in on your plan?" I responded with, "What plan?" To which he responded, "Um, your plan for this trip."
"I have a plan? Am I supposed to have a plan? I guess my plan is this: leave Vancouver Wednesday morning, arrive in Sioux Falls Friday night. Is that good enough?"
"Ummmmmmm...no."
"oh. What more do you need?"
"Well, how about where you plan on stopping each night? Where do you plan on staying?"
"oh! Well, I suppose I'll stop someplace in Montana the first night, and probably Rapid City the second night. Is that good?"
"Ummmmmmm...no."
"oh. more?"
"yeah."
"like what?"
"where do you plan on staying?"
"in a hotel...I'm not worried about it."
"Okay. Well, that's not really a plan, Trac."
"Sure it is...I know when I'm leaving, I know when I'm supposed to arrive, and I know there are towns with hotels between the two. That's a pretty good plan."
"Trac. You're leaving with my two sons...and my wife...and that's not a plan."
"Scott, We'll be safe...and that's how I like to travel. This trip is my way of showing the boys there are other ways to travel other than 'drive and arrive.' We'll be fine...."
"*sigh* All right."
Funny Story #1, part 2:
setting: Lolo, MT (20 minutes outside of Missoula) and into Missoula
time: 11:10 PM
(the phone rings and Scott answers) "hello?"
"hey, there! We just came through the National Forest in Idaho, and it was A-May-Zing! How was your night?"
"good...where are you?"
"Lolo, MT"
"uh, O-kaaaaaaaay."
"It's outside of Missoula."
"Oh."
"So I was going to the Holiday Inn in Missoula...okay?"
"Sure."
(fast forward through conversation you don't really care to hear....Trayc and the boys are arriving at the Holiday Inn Express in Missoula, MT. The time is 11:30 PM)
Trayc says to Scott on the phone, "Hold on a sec, I'm going to check in..."
(man who raced ahead of a woman with her children so HE could be first says to clerk behind the counter) "Do you have any rooms?"
Clerk answers, "No, sir, we don't, and the only room I know that is available is a single queen bed at the **** hotel."
Trayc says to Scott: "um, hon? there are no rooms available. Now what do I do?"
Scott says, "I'll hop online and see what I can find...check the GPS and start calling from there."
"Okey-dokey"
(a short while later Scott calls with news)
"Hey, Trac, I found you a single queen non-smoking at the Quality Inn. He's holding it for you now, and you need to get there in the next 15 minutes or it's gone."
"Alrighty...give me the address......"
(Trayc and the boys start driving to the hotel. Scott is still on the phone...)
"Um, Trayc?"
"Yeah?"
"Where are you planning on being tomorrow night?"
"I told you ~ somewhere around Rapid City."
"do you have a reservation somewhere?"
"Scott. Do you THINK I have a reservation somewhere?" (smiling and chuckling)
"That's what I thought...okay. Sleep well. Call me when you get there."
"Okay."
(the great adventurers check into the Quality Inn hotel and get settled. Trayc calls Scott to let him know they made it.)
"We're in."
"okay. I've got a reservation for you tomorrow night in Rapid."
"You're the best! What if I don't want to stop?"
*biggggggg sigh* "You have until 6:00 to cancel the res."
"Okay. Thanks for doing that. I'm tired. Love you...good night."
"Love you, too. Good night."
Ah, what I wouldn't do without my super-planner husband! Actually, I probably would have driven to Butte, MT where there MIGHT have been a room...2 hours down the road and I would have been absolutely exhausted because according to my body it was only 2 hours later, but according to the clock it was 3 hours later. UGH!
We did arrive in Rapid City for Thursday, and, yes, we did also arrive in Sioux Falls Friday evening....exactly as planned! :)
I'll continue summer updates later, but now I have to go get some stuff done... ta-ta!
Monday, June 9, 2008
God's Plans vs. Our Dreams
Exodus 13: 17 (NIV)
17 When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt."
I will confess that I wonder at times what my life would be like if my path had taken me someplace else. Would I have the same sex and age of children? Would there be other similarities in my life? How would life really be different if (fill in the blank) had (or hadn't) happened? Well, this verse tells me I can wonder all I want but ultimately I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. How? "For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt."" God knew the Israelites better than the Israelites knew the Israelites. This says to me what Garth Brooks says oh so eloquently..."Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." He truly knows the path of least resistance...and He knows how to get us where He wants us to go. Our job is to follow Him and trust His hand implicitly.
I wrote the portion above for my other blog: http://tbds.blogspot.com The thoughts have always ravaged me about how vastly different God's ways are than ours. How it seems He takes our dreams...the expectations of what we "know" we'll end up doing in our lives...and He switches them around to the opposite. For example, my best friend growing up knew ~ she KNEW ~ she'd graduate high school, maybe go to cosmetology school, get married and have a gaggle of kids. She absolutely had no doubts about it. I, on the other hand, knew that wherever I went in life it did NOT include a man or kids. Not that I didn't like men ~ ummmm, quite the opposite ~ but I never planned and dreamed of being a wife, and the idea of being a Mom as a career choice? Ludicrous! Sooooooooooooo, guess what God does? Hmmmmm....my friend will be 39 in August. She's never been married and has no kids. She's an upper management career gal with a large jewelry chain store. Yup. Me? I'm a wife and a mom. Give me a G! G! Give me an O! O! Give me a D! D! GOOOOOOO GOD!!! yeah, right.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound so cynical ~ I'm truly, honestly not. To meet my children you'd understand why I love being a Mom! To see my husband and I together, however, you may wonder why I didn't stick with my original plan...let's say we're working on that "dying to self" thing. *grin* Seriously, though, I can see God's crazy mixed up way of doing things. If we always had the easy way of life ~ always getting to do what we think we're good at and never having to learn a different way of life ~ why would we need Him? You see, I realized just this afternoon that God bound me to my husband in an answer to my prayer, "Lord, whatever You do, and wherever You take me...if You have a man in store or not...just never let me get too comfortable in my life that I don't need You." (or something very similar to that...I think it went more like, "when I meet the man You have chosen for me may he only make me want to know more of You in knowing him.") DUH!! Really?! What was I thinking!? It's like the prayers we pray for patience...knowing He will immediately put us in every situation we need to be in to PRACTICE patience! Or the prayers we pray saying "do whatever You need to do to get me fully in Your will...." and that night we end up pregnant because He knows we need to be slapped up alongside the head to get fully into His will. (okay, some of you may not end up pregnant...but I did.)
Tell me God doesn't know what He's doing when He gives us His Opposite Plan instead of our "But, Lord, You said You'd give me the desires of my heart" (whine...whine...snivel...snivel...gag) Plan! He puts us where He needs us to be ~ sometimes it's on the easy path because if we meet soldiers we'll turn back and run away from Him. Then there are the times when He knows we'll need some extra training for the future...or a little dose of compassion and understanding for those who don't think/act like we do...and BAM! We're on His opposite plan. Gotta love a God who never fails to suprise us...yeah, we really gotta.
**side note to those grammatical-nazi types who may read this...I truly wish to apoligize for the use of "....'s" and "gotta." I have had many a job as a proof-reader, and I know the immediate groans that fill my throat when I see such poor grammar. However, in my own personal blog that is not meant for publication, or even proper reading, I lay aside the grammar-busting red pencil and let it flow as it comes to my mind. Please accept my apologies for the number of times you have had to swallow hard to keep reading. Thank you.
17 When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt."
I will confess that I wonder at times what my life would be like if my path had taken me someplace else. Would I have the same sex and age of children? Would there be other similarities in my life? How would life really be different if (fill in the blank) had (or hadn't) happened? Well, this verse tells me I can wonder all I want but ultimately I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. How? "For God said, "If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt."" God knew the Israelites better than the Israelites knew the Israelites. This says to me what Garth Brooks says oh so eloquently..."Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." He truly knows the path of least resistance...and He knows how to get us where He wants us to go. Our job is to follow Him and trust His hand implicitly.
I wrote the portion above for my other blog: http://tbds.blogspot.com The thoughts have always ravaged me about how vastly different God's ways are than ours. How it seems He takes our dreams...the expectations of what we "know" we'll end up doing in our lives...and He switches them around to the opposite. For example, my best friend growing up knew ~ she KNEW ~ she'd graduate high school, maybe go to cosmetology school, get married and have a gaggle of kids. She absolutely had no doubts about it. I, on the other hand, knew that wherever I went in life it did NOT include a man or kids. Not that I didn't like men ~ ummmm, quite the opposite ~ but I never planned and dreamed of being a wife, and the idea of being a Mom as a career choice? Ludicrous! Sooooooooooooo, guess what God does? Hmmmmm....my friend will be 39 in August. She's never been married and has no kids. She's an upper management career gal with a large jewelry chain store. Yup. Me? I'm a wife and a mom. Give me a G! G! Give me an O! O! Give me a D! D! GOOOOOOO GOD!!! yeah, right.
Sorry, I don't mean to sound so cynical ~ I'm truly, honestly not. To meet my children you'd understand why I love being a Mom! To see my husband and I together, however, you may wonder why I didn't stick with my original plan...let's say we're working on that "dying to self" thing. *grin* Seriously, though, I can see God's crazy mixed up way of doing things. If we always had the easy way of life ~ always getting to do what we think we're good at and never having to learn a different way of life ~ why would we need Him? You see, I realized just this afternoon that God bound me to my husband in an answer to my prayer, "Lord, whatever You do, and wherever You take me...if You have a man in store or not...just never let me get too comfortable in my life that I don't need You." (or something very similar to that...I think it went more like, "when I meet the man You have chosen for me may he only make me want to know more of You in knowing him.") DUH!! Really?! What was I thinking!? It's like the prayers we pray for patience...knowing He will immediately put us in every situation we need to be in to PRACTICE patience! Or the prayers we pray saying "do whatever You need to do to get me fully in Your will...." and that night we end up pregnant because He knows we need to be slapped up alongside the head to get fully into His will. (okay, some of you may not end up pregnant...but I did.)
Tell me God doesn't know what He's doing when He gives us His Opposite Plan instead of our "But, Lord, You said You'd give me the desires of my heart" (whine...whine...snivel...snivel...gag) Plan! He puts us where He needs us to be ~ sometimes it's on the easy path because if we meet soldiers we'll turn back and run away from Him. Then there are the times when He knows we'll need some extra training for the future...or a little dose of compassion and understanding for those who don't think/act like we do...and BAM! We're on His opposite plan. Gotta love a God who never fails to suprise us...yeah, we really gotta.
**side note to those grammatical-nazi types who may read this...I truly wish to apoligize for the use of "....'s" and "gotta." I have had many a job as a proof-reader, and I know the immediate groans that fill my throat when I see such poor grammar. However, in my own personal blog that is not meant for publication, or even proper reading, I lay aside the grammar-busting red pencil and let it flow as it comes to my mind. Please accept my apologies for the number of times you have had to swallow hard to keep reading. Thank you.