Today I said goodbye to the times when I could fool myself into thinking I was going to be 24 forever. Today I said goodbye to the idea that I really never grow older...just more mature and wiser. Today I let go of the hope that maybe there's something more than motherhood for me. Well, maybe not all of these were fully-concrete departures, but I feel like they are right now. It's a very simple thing that has done it...my youngest son turned six today.
When I look at Micah I still remember the struggles of accepting that my hopes for my future were not the plans God had for my life. When I watch him running and playing I am reminded of the times I prayed he'd just stop moving for 10 minutes while still in-utero so I could get some rest. I see him with his friends ~ laughing and joking and making them all so happy just in being him ~ and I can feel the tears that ran down my face the day I found out I'd be having a boy...and I experience the deepest, most profound regret.
Micah is a God-send in my life. His laughter is infectious, his smile captivating. He can light up a room with a grin and shut it down with a whine. His hugs and kisses (of which, believe me, there are many) feed my soul on a spiritual level. No, he doesn't fill me up like my time with Jesus does, but having him in my life is a gift beyond measure. To think that I thought a Megan would be a better fit for me is like saying Orville Redenbacher would make a great US President (yes, it's that absurd!)! Micah is a joy-maker. He is stubborn as all get-out, and his decisions have to be HIS decisions, but he is joy incarnate most of the time.
So today I say goodbye to the foolish notions that I have a better idea of how my life should be worked out than the Very One who created me. If having Micah was all His idea ~ and obviously it would be ~ then I trust Him all the more because I couldn't imagine my life without Micah.
Thank You, Lord, for knowing me better than I'll ever know myself. amen.
PS: two really cool prayer moments from last night with the boys...
1) Micah praying and out of the blue saying, "...and I really hope we get to see Sophie again soon..."
2) Caleb praying and saying, "Lord, thank you for my parents because, really, Micah and me have great parents...REALLY GREEEEEAAAAT parents. So thanks for letting us have them as parents."
How can I be anything but thankful?
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Friday, May 30, 2008
Memorial ~ to REMEMBER
Okay...I know it's a bit late, but I was away from home over Memorial Day and fighting with a stinky-cheese-man internet connection once I got home. (I HATE wireless networks that don't work!!)
However, I truly admire and am amazingly grateful for those who have fought for our freedoms. There are WAY too FEW bumper stickers to remind us that Freedom Isn't Free, and way too many that forget that very simple fact. So, in that light, and being a Navy Girl by birth...Happy Memorial Day to all of you, and THANK YOU to all of you who serve who might by some strange chance read this.
AND...the following one is cool, but if you don't like a good hard rock turn your speakers down...if you do...TURN IT UP! :)
AND FINALLY...because life's too short not to laugh...
Want more? click the title of this post and type in "US NAVY FUNNY" in the search window...then have fun!
Have a great weekend, everybodeeee!
However, I truly admire and am amazingly grateful for those who have fought for our freedoms. There are WAY too FEW bumper stickers to remind us that Freedom Isn't Free, and way too many that forget that very simple fact. So, in that light, and being a Navy Girl by birth...Happy Memorial Day to all of you, and THANK YOU to all of you who serve who might by some strange chance read this.
AND...the following one is cool, but if you don't like a good hard rock turn your speakers down...if you do...TURN IT UP! :)
AND FINALLY...because life's too short not to laugh...
Want more? click the title of this post and type in "US NAVY FUNNY" in the search window...then have fun!
Have a great weekend, everybodeeee!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I will not buy... (revised)
The movie "JUNO."
As a Birth Mother and Mom I hated the movie. Many people gave such rave reviews of the movie ~ that it's the greatest picture of sacrificial love and bunkity, bunkity, bunk. What sacrifice is there when a young woman doesn't want to be pregnant...places a baby for adoption just because she doesn't want to be a mom, and rarely throughout the entire movie shows any connection or affection for the life living in her? It made me rather sick to watch it instead of hopeful for the message being given about what adoption really means. As a Birth Mother who placed her daughter for adoption not because I didn't want to be a Mom, but because I wanted the very best for her ~ out of a heart full of love and an action full of long-term pain knowing she wouldn't be "my" daughter ~ I placed her in the arms of a beautiful couple to be raised as their own. Watching this movie was an insult, a slap in the face, and an offense to Birth Mothers everywhere.
Maybe to someone who hasn't had "the opportunity" to place a child for adoption the movie seems like a great movie ~ afterall (spoiler ahead for those who haven't seen the movie...stop here if you really hate it when someone spoils the end for you.....)
instead of keeping the child and being a young single mother who had to rely on who knows who to help her raise the baby she decides to still go through with the adoption after the couple she chose filed for divorce before the baby was born. Now...to someone who hasn't seen the movie it may seem a logical choice ~ she wanted the baby to be taken care of so why wouldn't she still place it for adoption with a loving and responsible couple? Of course that's a good move! Well, you're right....IF she had chosen another couple. Instead she continued to go through with the placement to the NOW SINGLE woman from the original adoption plan. Can someone explain to me how simply offering an older ...BUT STILL SINGLE...woman a child is any different than a young woman keeping her child and mothering it herself? PLEASE! Explain....
The moral of this movie is "if you get pregnant don't worry about the child's future...worry about your own. If you're a teenager and you get pregnant because you chose to "see what sex was like" you should just find some "good person" and give your baby to them because really, it's the fact that you're a teenager that would make you a hard case for motherhood. So take care of yourself first and just get rid of the kid."
One other thing ~ I was really looking forward to this movie as a possible catalyst for a discussion with my oldest son about his 1/2 sister, Sophie, and why she doesn't live with us. The language alone would have kept me from being able to watch it with him...and the flippant attitude of sex before marriage as a "normal" thing to do and accept would have kept us from watching it if the language didn't first.
I hated this movie...and I won't recommend it to anyone I know. Now or ever.
*note: the original post was written on May 3, 2008...updates made were to the first paragraph, and adding the second to last.
As a Birth Mother and Mom I hated the movie. Many people gave such rave reviews of the movie ~ that it's the greatest picture of sacrificial love and bunkity, bunkity, bunk. What sacrifice is there when a young woman doesn't want to be pregnant...places a baby for adoption just because she doesn't want to be a mom, and rarely throughout the entire movie shows any connection or affection for the life living in her? It made me rather sick to watch it instead of hopeful for the message being given about what adoption really means. As a Birth Mother who placed her daughter for adoption not because I didn't want to be a Mom, but because I wanted the very best for her ~ out of a heart full of love and an action full of long-term pain knowing she wouldn't be "my" daughter ~ I placed her in the arms of a beautiful couple to be raised as their own. Watching this movie was an insult, a slap in the face, and an offense to Birth Mothers everywhere.
Maybe to someone who hasn't had "the opportunity" to place a child for adoption the movie seems like a great movie ~ afterall (spoiler ahead for those who haven't seen the movie...stop here if you really hate it when someone spoils the end for you.....)
instead of keeping the child and being a young single mother who had to rely on who knows who to help her raise the baby she decides to still go through with the adoption after the couple she chose filed for divorce before the baby was born. Now...to someone who hasn't seen the movie it may seem a logical choice ~ she wanted the baby to be taken care of so why wouldn't she still place it for adoption with a loving and responsible couple? Of course that's a good move! Well, you're right....IF she had chosen another couple. Instead she continued to go through with the placement to the NOW SINGLE woman from the original adoption plan. Can someone explain to me how simply offering an older ...BUT STILL SINGLE...woman a child is any different than a young woman keeping her child and mothering it herself? PLEASE! Explain....
The moral of this movie is "if you get pregnant don't worry about the child's future...worry about your own. If you're a teenager and you get pregnant because you chose to "see what sex was like" you should just find some "good person" and give your baby to them because really, it's the fact that you're a teenager that would make you a hard case for motherhood. So take care of yourself first and just get rid of the kid."
One other thing ~ I was really looking forward to this movie as a possible catalyst for a discussion with my oldest son about his 1/2 sister, Sophie, and why she doesn't live with us. The language alone would have kept me from being able to watch it with him...and the flippant attitude of sex before marriage as a "normal" thing to do and accept would have kept us from watching it if the language didn't first.
I hated this movie...and I won't recommend it to anyone I know. Now or ever.
*note: the original post was written on May 3, 2008...updates made were to the first paragraph, and adding the second to last.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Worth Watching...
Click on the link below...(right click if you don't want to lose this page...) You'll be glad you did.
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?&brand=null&videoId=3380875&n8pe6c=2
Here's a second one with an interview of the girls...
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?&brand=null&videoId=3376663&n8pe6c=2
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?&brand=null&videoId=3380875&n8pe6c=2
Here's a second one with an interview of the girls...
http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/video/videopage?&brand=null&videoId=3376663&n8pe6c=2
Monday, April 14, 2008
Born Yesterday!
This weekend I was away for a (wonderful) weekend with our MOMS PACED (Publicity-Attractions-Caring-Evangelism/Discipleship) Team. After getting very little sleep the two nights before the weekend, and then staying up talking 'til the wee morning hours the night I was there, by the time I got home I was DEAD-tired. So, I did what any good mom would do and suggested we go to a restaurant for dinner. :)
As we're sitting at Sweet Tomatoes Caleb, our oldest son, leans over to Scott and whispers in his ear that he should tell me something or other. He finishes what he had to say, and Scott nods and says, "we'll have to remember to tell her." And they continue eating. I'm looking at them like, "well? What do you need to tell me?" But I keep eating as well because, honestly, my brain couldn't actually bring myself to push the issue.
A couple minutes later Scott says, "Oh, yeah, Mommy? Caleb was born yesterday."
Caleb is grinning real big, and, as I said before, I was exhausted and couldn't put the connection to what he was saying and what he was saying together. He then went on to explain that CALEB ASKED JESUS TO LIVE IN HIS HEART ON SATURDAY!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, he had asked Jesus into his heart when he was 3, but this was just way cool because it was his decision away from me or Scott. When he was three we had been praying and talking about Jesus and he asked me a lot of questions a three-year-old wouldn't normally ask. I asked him after explaining to him what it meant, and why we (Scott & I) asked Jesus to live in our hearts, if he wanted to ask Jesus in, too. He said yes and we prayed together. It was a beautiful moment, and knew it was real, but prayed that God would continue to work in his life so he would come to a decision on his own when he was older. To know that we've been praying for Caleb so much lately as we struggle with an 8-going-on-18 attitude and defiance issues...and to see how God was still working in him in ways we had no idea. God is so good! The amazing thing? There really is a change in Caleb from when I left on Saturday morning to when I came home Sunday afternoon. This morning when he left for school there was a calmness in his spirit that hadn't been there in a long time. I am amazed and in tears over what God is doing in our family ~ how can anyone not want to know a God, the CREATOR of our SOULS, who loves us so much He is willing to discipline us when we get out of line and bring blessings unbelievable when we follow His good and PERFECT will?
side tangent: I have known many, many brilliant, incredible and intelligent people in my life. I have known some who are Christians and some who are not. I have to say that when I hear someone intelligent speaking with wisdom on a subject I tend to kind of "sit at their feet" and learn all I can from them.
Intelligence is praised in our society and the "intellectuals" will say that in order to be successful you must be intelligent. (Stay with me...I'm gonna make sense of this in a minute...) To be a professor at an Ivy-league university, to some is the equivalent of being a world leader...intelligence is that elevated in our society.
I have also known many beautiful people in my life. Some women I am friends with are of the stop-drop-your-jaw-and-stare kind of beautiful. Also in our society beauty is seen as something to be praised. Super Models are idolized and stars are criticized and critiqued on everything from a belly hump to choosing the wrong kind of outfit to wear someplace to the style of their accessories ~ human or otherwise. In America, to be beautiful is to be accepted and praised.
SO....Intelligence is the end-all-be-all for some, and my God created from nothing a Universe and human life. He created things that have stood the test of time, and He created creatures that didn't survive. He has created molecules, atoms and brains that house the intelligence so many praise in humans....
He also created beauty, and He creates beauty each and every day. Just look at some of these pictures of what He's created:
Can we get more beautiful than some of those? YES! Every day He paints us a beautiful picture for us to enjoy. He places a baby in a Mother's arms and we see beauty and miracle all in one. An aged couple sits at a table looking at each other in love and we see beauty. Sleet falls from the sky outside my window on an April day and although I don't understand how Saturday was 80 degrees and we've got sleet today, It's still just amazing to look at.
So why do people reject God? How can we embrace intelligence and beauty and reject the maker of both of those?? I know the age-old argument about how can a loving God allow such horrors also? Well...how can we say that is a reason to stay away from Him when we turn on a TV show and the host says the secret to happiness is to look for the good in your life? How can we put that requirement on God when we are told day-in-and-day-out that we make the choice to either look at the good or the bad, but focusing on the bad will only make us more miserable? Come ON, people!!! Focus on the good...and one day maybe I'll address the "bad" part of living on this earth....but focus on the good of GOD!
End side-tangent. Thank you. :)
As we're sitting at Sweet Tomatoes Caleb, our oldest son, leans over to Scott and whispers in his ear that he should tell me something or other. He finishes what he had to say, and Scott nods and says, "we'll have to remember to tell her." And they continue eating. I'm looking at them like, "well? What do you need to tell me?" But I keep eating as well because, honestly, my brain couldn't actually bring myself to push the issue.
A couple minutes later Scott says, "Oh, yeah, Mommy? Caleb was born yesterday."
Caleb is grinning real big, and, as I said before, I was exhausted and couldn't put the connection to what he was saying and what he was saying together. He then went on to explain that CALEB ASKED JESUS TO LIVE IN HIS HEART ON SATURDAY!!!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now, he had asked Jesus into his heart when he was 3, but this was just way cool because it was his decision away from me or Scott. When he was three we had been praying and talking about Jesus and he asked me a lot of questions a three-year-old wouldn't normally ask. I asked him after explaining to him what it meant, and why we (Scott & I) asked Jesus to live in our hearts, if he wanted to ask Jesus in, too. He said yes and we prayed together. It was a beautiful moment, and knew it was real, but prayed that God would continue to work in his life so he would come to a decision on his own when he was older. To know that we've been praying for Caleb so much lately as we struggle with an 8-going-on-18 attitude and defiance issues...and to see how God was still working in him in ways we had no idea. God is so good! The amazing thing? There really is a change in Caleb from when I left on Saturday morning to when I came home Sunday afternoon. This morning when he left for school there was a calmness in his spirit that hadn't been there in a long time. I am amazed and in tears over what God is doing in our family ~ how can anyone not want to know a God, the CREATOR of our SOULS, who loves us so much He is willing to discipline us when we get out of line and bring blessings unbelievable when we follow His good and PERFECT will?
side tangent: I have known many, many brilliant, incredible and intelligent people in my life. I have known some who are Christians and some who are not. I have to say that when I hear someone intelligent speaking with wisdom on a subject I tend to kind of "sit at their feet" and learn all I can from them.
Intelligence is praised in our society and the "intellectuals" will say that in order to be successful you must be intelligent. (Stay with me...I'm gonna make sense of this in a minute...) To be a professor at an Ivy-league university, to some is the equivalent of being a world leader...intelligence is that elevated in our society.
I have also known many beautiful people in my life. Some women I am friends with are of the stop-drop-your-jaw-and-stare kind of beautiful. Also in our society beauty is seen as something to be praised. Super Models are idolized and stars are criticized and critiqued on everything from a belly hump to choosing the wrong kind of outfit to wear someplace to the style of their accessories ~ human or otherwise. In America, to be beautiful is to be accepted and praised.
SO....Intelligence is the end-all-be-all for some, and my God created from nothing a Universe and human life. He created things that have stood the test of time, and He created creatures that didn't survive. He has created molecules, atoms and brains that house the intelligence so many praise in humans....
He also created beauty, and He creates beauty each and every day. Just look at some of these pictures of what He's created:
Can we get more beautiful than some of those? YES! Every day He paints us a beautiful picture for us to enjoy. He places a baby in a Mother's arms and we see beauty and miracle all in one. An aged couple sits at a table looking at each other in love and we see beauty. Sleet falls from the sky outside my window on an April day and although I don't understand how Saturday was 80 degrees and we've got sleet today, It's still just amazing to look at.
So why do people reject God? How can we embrace intelligence and beauty and reject the maker of both of those?? I know the age-old argument about how can a loving God allow such horrors also? Well...how can we say that is a reason to stay away from Him when we turn on a TV show and the host says the secret to happiness is to look for the good in your life? How can we put that requirement on God when we are told day-in-and-day-out that we make the choice to either look at the good or the bad, but focusing on the bad will only make us more miserable? Come ON, people!!! Focus on the good...and one day maybe I'll address the "bad" part of living on this earth....but focus on the good of GOD!
End side-tangent. Thank you. :)