THE DOOR

The following is a story I wrote 5 years ago (that many!? OY!) and is one of my personal favorites. I've tried to space it in such a way as to capture the rhythm of the story, but the truth is, everyone will hear it differently as they read it. My suggestion is to take the time to put yourself IN the story...drink it in and put yourself in the shoes of both girls (you can change them to boys) in the story.

I'd love to hear your thoughts...I have many of my own about this one! Here you go...

THE DOOR by Trayc Foskett, 2009


Everyday she walked past it.

Some days she stopped and looked at it, others she barely noticed it at all.

But everyday she walked past it.

She knew it was there.

She couldn't deny its' presence.

She tried.

But it was obviously there.

One day when she stopped to study it a friend stood beside her and asked why she didn't just open it.  It was a door, after all, and doors were meant to be opened...right?

She looked at her friend with a look of resignation then simply answered, "it's locked."

"Locked?" Her friend asked, "Didn't you get the key when you bought the house?"

"Yes. It's hanging right there on that hook."

"Then why don't you open it?"

"Because...I don't trust it." 

"what is there not to trust?" her friend asked in dismay, "it's a DOOR!"

"Well, what's behind it?" she asked. It was actually more of a statement since she didn't really think the subject was up for discussion.

Dumbfounded her friend blurted, "You don't even KNOW?"

"Of course not. It's locked."

She stopped then and looked again at the door. She had done so many times over the years. The truth is, the door had been hidden by a bookcase at first. The locked door was too confusing, and it really disrupted her plans for the house, so she simply denied it's presence and placed the bookcase in front of it.

Not that it helped. She still knew it was there, and each time she walked by she got that uneasy feeling of curiosity and fear int he pit of her stomach. So one day she moved the bookcase again. Now the door was available...but it was still locked.

"What are you afraid of?" The quiet probing voice of her friend pulled her from her reverie.

"Oh. Uh, what? Afraid of...? Pshaw...I'm not *afraid* of anything."

"Then why won't you open it?"

As the question hung in the air like steam on a foggy night all the reasons she had told herself over the years came coursing through her mind.

*What if it's the door to a horrible event that occurred in this house ~ her dream home ~ and she'd have to give it up?

*What if it's a room that holds the promise of an overwhelming project of removing junk, cleaning out and restoring it's original beauty...or worse yet, a complete remodel?

*What if at first glance it seems to be perfect and wonderful, but as it is used more the flaws and disappointments become clear?

*What if, instead of a grand room, it ends up being a small and useless little closet?

*What if it's nothing?

It was that last question that really held her back. What if, after all these years of speculation, dreaming, planning and wondering it ended up being...nothing?

She didn't think she could handle it if that were the case. So she simply left it alone and lived in hopes that someday...someday she'd know.

Her friend studied her face as she reflected on what was holding her back. What she saw there broke her heart a bit. She knew where that door led. She had spent much time in the room beyond the door when her grandparents owned the house. She knew how beautiful and peaceful it was. She also knew that it was locked not to keep everyone out, but because the room was so special, so precious, that it was her grandparent's idea to give everyone who wanted to go in the choice as to whether to take the chance.

The key hung right beside the door. All anyone needed to do was grasp the key, place it in the lock, turn it, and accept the gift of beauty the room beyond offered.

The obstacle was getting beyond the unknown.

Her friend knew all this, and so she stood quietly beside her as she debated within herself.

Quiet encouragement flowed from her friend's mouth with each utterance of, "what if...."

To each question there was a simple response of truth.

To each doubt, there was given courage.

To each rejection there was given another opportunity.

Finally she took a timid step toward the door. She continued, haltingly, until she stood before the hook holding the key.

She sucked in a slow, deep breath and blew it out. Not once, but twice.

She lifted her hand and stopped in mid-air. Quickly, with fear wall-papered all over her face, she turned to her friend and said, "what do I need to do?"

"Trust." her friend quietly replied. "Trust the truth. You have nothing to lose except the fear of the unknown by opening the door. Trust the truth."

She turned back to the key one more time, took a final look at the door,

 and walked away.

I HAVE A DREAM

Just like Martin Luther King Jr.  I, too, have a dream. To be honest my dream is much like Dr. King's. It's a dream that all people would be able to live in freedom. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Dr. King's dream and my dream are probably rooted in the same belief, too. He knew, as do I, that freedom, TRUE freedom, doesn't come from changing a law...it comes from changing a heart.

Today I read the following verse: Ezekiel 11:19...

And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart...

verse 20 goes on to say that they will obey His decrees and they will surely be HIS people.

Dr. King and I knew/know that it is in Christ true freedom comes. In what other religion do you find people who are not only willing to die for their beliefs, but live in persecution for them? Oh, and while living in persecution not strive to *kill* their persecutors, but instead seek to love them and share their Lord with them so that those people who are persecuting them..torturing them...making their lives so very hard will also be able to live in Freedom?? How many do you know of any other religion who would not falter or add to the Word of God so as to make it more "acceptable" to the world around them because they know that it is in obedience to the Very One Who created all things true freedom is found?

Dr.King and I knew/know that it is in speaking truth to those who will listen that the Gospel is lived...and when one lives the Gospel, one lives in Freedom.

As you go about your day today think on this ~ how many times do/am I...

...smile when I don't want to because I don't want to appear that I may have problems beyond the little stuff...
...complain about something because I don't want to accept responsibility...
...agree with someone when I don't really agree with them because I want them to like me...
...laugh at something I don't think is funny because I want to be with that person and they think it's funny...
...tell a friend a half-truth so as not to hurt their feelings in the short term though you know they'll be crushed when the whole truth comes out later...
...anything but your authentic self according to the Word of God because you want to fit in better in this world?

There are many other ways we live in bondage to this world, but it is in living the whole truth and nothing but the truth that we find Freedom. I saw a great picture the other day. It said something to the effect of, "The Holy Bible is not Chex Mix. You can't pick out your favorite parts and leave the rest in the bowl."

Dr. King knew...and I know...it is in changing people's hearts that we are able to bring about Freedom. What are you doing to love your neighbor in to The Kingdom of God? How is your heart changed by His Word, His Love, His Sacrifice for you?

Why not live in Freedom today?

January, 2013

How many times have we said it? You know, the phrase, "wow! Is it really January already? And how did we get to 2013?" I know I've said it out loud as many times as I've thought it...and I've thought it a lot.

So what are your New Year's Resolutions? 

We have some interesting ones in our home ~ from "becoming a better artist" to "eating less and losing a little bit of weight" (not who you think it is!). I've already seen them lain aside, though, for the empty art of TV or iPod games and the temptation of fresh baked cookies. Funny how quickly resolutions becomes passing thoughts...dreams...hopes unfulfilled. 

I myself have lived through 43 New Year celebrations now, and in the amount of time in which I knew how to make a resolution I can honestly say I've made and left at least 43. Yes, I realize I could not possibly have made a resolution each year of my life, but 43 is probably a low number of resolutions made and broken in my lifetime. It is the making and discarding I am getting at. 

The Bible refers to "the Fruit of the Spirit." ...love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such there is no law. (Galatians 5:22b-23 RSV) The one that gets me every time is "self-control." The control of self. To stop or begin something without outward prodding. To do something that would be a good idea if it were followed through on.

Let me give an example...

It's morning and the kids have gone to school. The Hubster is upstairs in his office working away and I'm having some problems getting motivated to do anything other than bits and tibbles of work here and there. Although I'm not tackling big projects I am certainly getting our house in order and doing those tasks that need to be done. Maybe not very quickly, but hey, they're getting done, right? Then I start to feel hungry and realize it's after noon. I make a somewhat healthier lunch than I would have prior to the New Year and sit down at my computer to eat and "take a quick break." 

I finish the sandwich. I finish my water. I have not, however, finished surfing all these great blogs about what to make for dinner. Oh! I wanted to check on another recipe a friend was telling me about...and someone else mentioned on Facebook (it's still open in a tab ready to be checked at any given second or while I'm waiting that 2 seconds for a new blog to load) a pin they saw on Pinterest for something or other to do with the boys...and all of the sudden my oldest son is walking in the door saying, "Hi, Mom!" 

Wait. WHA??????

I sat down at 1:00...I was just going to eat and check on a recipe or two and now it's 3:00??? How. Did. That. Happen???

Yes, you're correct...lack of self control. 

Here's another one. It's one that I heard about from a friend and would NEVER have a problem with! (okay, so I was pretending to write a blog about it one day while getting ready in the morning....it was still a friend who told me about it. :) )

Son #1: 'Night Mom, will you pray with me?

Me: Sure ~ (prayer)

Son #2: 'Night Mom, will you pray with me?

Me: Sure ~ (prayer); 'Night boys. I love you! Sweet dreams!

Both boys: Love you, too, goodnight!

Hubster: wanna watch an episode of Hawaii Five-O we have on DVR? 

Me: sure!

(watch one episode and hubster gets up, throws me the remote and heads to bed saying, "here ya go, night owl...see you tomorrow.")

I press the DVR button and up pops a Chick Flick I'd taped from the Hallmark channel a while ago and hadn't watched yet. Settle in with a cuppa and enjoy the quiet solitude of my house while checking Facebook, Pinterest and assorted emails, etc, all the while following the story onscreen. 

Movie ends. 

I'm in the middle of a game of Nerts on my iPod...must finish...start another episode of something taped. 

Ugh. It's 12:30 am! ...should go to bed. But this is a good part! Just finish this and then head to bed. 

1:30 am ~ I. Must. Go. To. Bed!

2:00 am ~ great! I'm in bed, why can't I fall asleep?? Oh...maybe I should put the iPod down. 

7:15 am ~ alarm goes off...SNOOZE!

7:24 am ~ alarm goes off...SNOOOZE....somewhat groggy brain kicks in to the fact that I don't hear the regular noise of a child getting ready for school downstairs. I pull myself out of bed to wander down the hall to wake up said child and let him know he now has 15 minutes to get ready and out to the bus. 

7:27 am ~ Coffee. COOOOOOFFFFFEEEEE. Why am I so tired this morning? Oh, yeah.....

Why? Because I lack self-control! 

I am a Spirit led woman. I love the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, and try to love my neighbor as myself....but where on earth did my self-control go???

No, I didn't leave it in High School when someone else was in charge of my schedule.

No, I didn't leave it in College when a professor's attendance chart determined my success.

No, I didn't leave it in Hawaii when the Hubster and I returned from our honeymoon.

I have never had it. 

I will rise to the occasion and learn the arias, songs and various pieces necessary to perform. I will clean the house in a day if company is coming (don't go to my room, please). I will plan, instigate and complete a $12,000.00 Book Fair in two weeks simply because I have to. 

I will not, however, wake up each morning and know what tasks need to be completed today to insure that tomorrow's dinner will be ready on time. I will not start a paper due three months from now with an outline and a rough draft that will be re-written a number of times in order for the paper to be handed in on time with no mistakes (I will, however, do research here and there and write the paper the day or two before...hand it in and get an "A"). 

Some call it procrastination. Some call it laziness. Some call it unmotivated. 

God calls it lack of Self Control. 

He also says it's a fruit of the Spirit. Which means that He is willing to help us with it. Which means HE has the ability to instill it in is, grow it in us, and help us to live up to the potential He has placed in us. 

WHEW! 

Want to know what one of my resolutions this year is? To write more. 

Want to know why I sat down at the computer today? To look for something to make for dinner tonight.

Want to know what I've done instead? Written an entry on my "Apples of Gold" blog and written a post here. (Of which I had no idea what to write about when I sat down.) 

Maybe there is a breath of self-control in me after all. 

NAH. That's all God! Thank you, Lord!

Hulk...come quickly!!

What do you do when the desire to stop the madness and just focus on the *really* important stuff of life overwhelms you with tangible need? If you're me you reach for your laptop...or your journal...or your Bible (usually the Bible goes along with the other two) and write about what's going on so some of the pressure built up in this desire is released. 

THEN If you're me...you ignore it. 

BUT I don't want to ignore it anymore. 

I'm tired of living with this idea that "He can't really be calling *me* to do that! I must need to find a friend who is wanting to embark on a daring new journey and be the encourager in their corner. THAT is what He's calling *me* to!" Nope. Done with it. I want, instead, to take the chance that I may not be the best overall at what He's calling me to do, but that I am at least the best at what I need to be in Him. 

For the past I-don't-know-how-many years I have not sung in an organized choir or worship team or whatever because I felt that I was being told to stop singing. I believed that my voice was a source of pride in my life and that I needed to let go of the dream of singing on a stage because it was about *me* and not about *Him.* I heard in my head, "you just like to be the center of attention. That's why you sing" and so I stopped singing so much. Except for my boys. I can't *not* sing...so I sing to my boys. Oh, and I sing at church. Oh! How I love to sing at church!!! We attend a big church with soaring ceilings and a loud Worship band and I'm able to sing out and strong and lift my voice in praise with no worry that someone might think it's about me. I love to sing in church. I love to lift my voice in praise and worship the One True God with the very gift He's given me....as long as no one else notices. 

What is so bad with letting someone notice God's gifts in my life???? Seriously!! WHY am I so afraid of speaking out...singing out...submitting the articles/books/papers I've written?? If you follow me on Facebook you know I'm really not that afraid of speaking my mind or sharing the hard truths, so what is it about taking that next step...that step that leads me to a place where someone else says "yes, you're good enough" or "no, not this time" to my work? And why, when I say to my friends to not be afraid ~ and I mean it with every fiber of my being because I long to not be afraid ~ do I cower in fear when they say the same to me? What is it about someone pointing out our strengths that causes us to think "they're just being nice?" 

Am I the only one here? 

Does anyone else have this conversation in their minds as their hearts out of the blue one night while sitting on their sofa in front of a fake fireplace begins to pound and the urge to just walk away from anything else I've said to yes to takes over as if the Hulk is getting mad? 

Anyone?

What do you do? How do you address it? 

Are you doing anything?

Are you, like me, tired of ignoring it? 

Let's get Hulk on our fear, okay?! Let's get so angry about holding ourselves back out of lies we've been told or chosen to hear in someone else's words that weren't meant to skew our views of ourselves and LET OUR LIGHTS SHINE!! I'm tired of living in the light and letting it shine in spurts but hiding it if anyone notices. 



You knew it was coming...sing it with me (you know, because I don't want to be the center of attention. :) )...

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, 
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE
THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, 
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE. 

WON'T LET SATAN *WHOO* IT OUT!
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!
WON'T LET SATAN *WHOO* IT OUT!
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE!!

LET IT SHINE 'TIL JESUS COMES,
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!
LET IT SHINE 'TIL JESUS COMES,
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE!!

YESSSSSSS!!!! Let's do this!

....now what? HELP!

I actually DID something I pinned!!

So. I LOVE Pinterest. I mean, like, "if I could I'd marry it" kinda love. I am an idea kinda gal, and it is THE place for ideas. The problem I have with Pinterest is the same problem I have in life...taking those ideas and putting them into action. Well, tonight I put feet to an idea! YEA, ME! :-) (hey, when it happens so infrequently we have to make our own cheering section.)

Now, before I go on I do feel the need to say this isn't the ONLY thing I've pinned that I've done, but it's the only thing I've done that I've pinned that I took pictures of and decided to pat myself on the back for. Yes. I am blatantly asking for pats on the back. Moms sometimes need that, don't we? Ask for people to pat us on the back (figuratively) because we may be feeling like all that we're doing really isn't adding up to much...even though it really is...but we just feel that way so we need pats on the back? Well, that's what I'm doing. Sooooooooo, pats on the back are welcome!

Okay, so what did I do? I would love to say I organized our entire home and put together a place for everything and everything in it's place, then put together t-shirt quilts for both boys and put together a menu plan for the next month so we won't eat out during the month of October. I would love to say that. It's not what I did, though. Nope. Nothing nearly quite as pat-on-the-back worthy. What I did was.....

Put together Instant Oatmeal packets.

W O W!!!! Are you proud of me?? Isn't that amazing??? I mean, come ON! I did something I pinned!!!

Oh, I crack myself up. Yes, I really do wish it was something more exciting. Maybe I'll work on that. But for now....

Here's my uber exciting post:

Some of you may be asking why I even did this. Well, let me remind you I have two boys. Two boys my DH and I are raising to be adults, not lifelong children. This means I am training my boys to be more independent in caring for themselves on a day-to-day basis than depending on me or DH to do it for them. Therefore, I want to make mornings as independent for them as possible. (another way to read this is: I hate mornings and can barely function so I try to get my boys to do as much for themselves in the morning as possible. *grin*)

A few years ago the boys saw this:

in the store. They were so excited to eat dinosaur eggs that we decided to try them. They REALLY liked them, so we bought some more. Then I realized that the box of 6 packets was lasting....maybe 2 days. Why? Because growing boys like to eat. At more than $3.00 a box, and a box lasting 2 days, that really gets expensive. So I stopped buying it. The boys, however, still wanted it, and we'd splurge every once in a while when it went on a really good sale. It didn't stop me from groaning about the cost, though, so I decided to look for other options. 

Enter Pinterest.

I bought this: 

and some black, white and purple ghost candy sprinkles (those crunchy decor things for cupcakes), and gathered my brown sugar, cinnamon, salt and measuring utensils as well as some plastic ziploc bags (I used the 4x6 kind that zip at the top so it's easier to pour out of). 

I decided to put it all together in a larger measuring cup before pouring it into the bag, and I decided to go with the 1 cup serving due to the amount of packets of Dino Oats they would eat in a morning. This way they just need one bag and it's all good.

 I measured my 1 cup of oatmeal into the measuring cup:

Then I added two teaspoons of  brown sugar (I limited the number of teaspoons of brown sugar due to the added candy sprinkles):

Sprinkled a generous amount of candy ghosts over the whole thing:

Then I sprinkled a little bit of salt over it all (difficult to see 1/8 tsp of salt over all that, but it's there):

I then stirred it gently. Just enough to mix it all up: 

Then came the fun part ~ pouring it into the bag:

I didn't do a very good job of making it all into the bag. :-(

On the first one I simply used a sharpie to write out the directions. It didn't take me long to figure out that would be too time consuming and might rub off, so...

I made up labels in Microsoft Word, printed them out, cut them out and used scotch tape to adhere them to the bag so they're protected. (I could've used the adhesive labels, but this works just as well)

(notice I made a point of letting them know they did NOT need to add anymore sugar!)

In some of the packets I sprinkled cinnamon in there, too. I labeled them as such so my non-cinnamon child would know he wouldn't want to eat that packets. 

Then I put them all together in an organizing basket that will go on the island for them to grab each morning. 

I do realize it's a rather silly little thing to get so excited about, but I know my 7th grader eats breakfast at 7:20 am and doesn't eat lunch until 12:50 pm. That's a long time to go for an almost 13 year old, so if I can help him stay "full" longer I'll be helping him AND his teachers. AND, because he has ADD, I can feel much better about knowing exactly what is going into his breakfast. For my 5th grader it's an added little treat for him because he is a total "Acts of Service" kinda guy so my putting together oatmeal packets for him to enjoy each morning is like a kiss to the soul. It's also a treat to me because I know my boys are eating (somewhat) healthfully when I can't get my brain to do much more than figure out how to get downstairs without falling down them. 

So, what have YOU done from Pinterest lately? (yes, I know some of you are TOTALLY going to show me up!! Go for it!! =)   )