Hulk...come quickly!!

What do you do when the desire to stop the madness and just focus on the *really* important stuff of life overwhelms you with tangible need? If you're me you reach for your laptop...or your journal...or your Bible (usually the Bible goes along with the other two) and write about what's going on so some of the pressure built up in this desire is released. 

THEN If you're me...you ignore it. 

BUT I don't want to ignore it anymore. 

I'm tired of living with this idea that "He can't really be calling *me* to do that! I must need to find a friend who is wanting to embark on a daring new journey and be the encourager in their corner. THAT is what He's calling *me* to!" Nope. Done with it. I want, instead, to take the chance that I may not be the best overall at what He's calling me to do, but that I am at least the best at what I need to be in Him. 

For the past I-don't-know-how-many years I have not sung in an organized choir or worship team or whatever because I felt that I was being told to stop singing. I believed that my voice was a source of pride in my life and that I needed to let go of the dream of singing on a stage because it was about *me* and not about *Him.* I heard in my head, "you just like to be the center of attention. That's why you sing" and so I stopped singing so much. Except for my boys. I can't *not* sing...so I sing to my boys. Oh, and I sing at church. Oh! How I love to sing at church!!! We attend a big church with soaring ceilings and a loud Worship band and I'm able to sing out and strong and lift my voice in praise with no worry that someone might think it's about me. I love to sing in church. I love to lift my voice in praise and worship the One True God with the very gift He's given me....as long as no one else notices. 

What is so bad with letting someone notice God's gifts in my life???? Seriously!! WHY am I so afraid of speaking out...singing out...submitting the articles/books/papers I've written?? If you follow me on Facebook you know I'm really not that afraid of speaking my mind or sharing the hard truths, so what is it about taking that next step...that step that leads me to a place where someone else says "yes, you're good enough" or "no, not this time" to my work? And why, when I say to my friends to not be afraid ~ and I mean it with every fiber of my being because I long to not be afraid ~ do I cower in fear when they say the same to me? What is it about someone pointing out our strengths that causes us to think "they're just being nice?" 

Am I the only one here? 

Does anyone else have this conversation in their minds as their hearts out of the blue one night while sitting on their sofa in front of a fake fireplace begins to pound and the urge to just walk away from anything else I've said to yes to takes over as if the Hulk is getting mad? 

Anyone?

What do you do? How do you address it? 

Are you doing anything?

Are you, like me, tired of ignoring it? 

Let's get Hulk on our fear, okay?! Let's get so angry about holding ourselves back out of lies we've been told or chosen to hear in someone else's words that weren't meant to skew our views of ourselves and LET OUR LIGHTS SHINE!! I'm tired of living in the light and letting it shine in spurts but hiding it if anyone notices. 



You knew it was coming...sing it with me (you know, because I don't want to be the center of attention. :) )...

THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, 
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE
THIS LITTLE LIGHT OF MINE, 
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE. 

WON'T LET SATAN *WHOO* IT OUT!
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!
WON'T LET SATAN *WHOO* IT OUT!
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE!!

LET IT SHINE 'TIL JESUS COMES,
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE!
LET IT SHINE 'TIL JESUS COMES,
I'M GONNA LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE, LET IT SHINE!!

YESSSSSSS!!!! Let's do this!

....now what? HELP!