MOMS

It's been awhile since I've written anything here, but today seems like the kind of day where writing is exactly what I need to do. You see, the past month or so has been kind of hard on my heart and mind and soul ~ a direct reflection of the amount of time I have NOT spent writing/reading and listening.

Four weeks ago I had "a talk" with God (yes, you know already how dumb that was...) and I told Him that as far as I go He didn't have to worry about how I was because I wasn't going to bother Him with the dreams and desires of my life. I wasn't in a place of self-pity. No, I was in a place of incredible pain. The details as to why I was there aren't important - hopefully you'll see this isn't about me, but about all of us...and all of our struggles...and God...and the truth of His character. The truth of the matter was, I was there. I was in a place where I believed IN God, but I didn't BELIEVE God. I didn't believe He truly cared - He didn't really hurt when I hurt or even bother with what was bothering me. I know many, many, many incredible Christian people who have been in the same place. The place where everything they once held dear and strong and stood on with confidence seems to crumble beneath their feet and they're left wondering who this God is that they rely on and trust in and, at times, follow without having a logical reason to. That's where I was four weeks ago.

Today is a different story. And I owe my thanks for that to God Himself - and the people on this earth (you beautiful ragamuffins!) He uses to tighten the weave of His tapestry around the very ones He calls His own.

I think it's safe to say that I was feeling unraveled. Yes, that's a very good way to put it. And frayed...and 'fraid. This weekend, however, I had the privilege of being surrounded by women who love the Lord with their real hearts and long to introduce Him to women who may never have the opportunity to know Him through our church's MOMS group. MOMS isn't a Christian Bible Study for Moms group - no, it's more of a covert operation. It's more of an opportunity to come alongside and love some women who, in some cases, are very ANTI-God. In some cases it's an opportunity to come alongside some women who know God, like my friend Tara, but haven't really discovered what it's like to put complete faith in Him and live their lives for Him. In yet other cases it's the humbling experience of letting them come alongside you and help you discover you're not enough - and that's okay because God is.

I think that's where I am today. I'll never be enough - UGH! I hate to even TYPE THAT!!! I want to be enough - I want desperately to know I've got enough in me to take care of my husband and make him feel loved, secure and respected. I want to believe I've got enough to raise my children to be upstanding citizens who will honor and respect others while living their lives for Christ. I want to believe I've got enough to lead others to Christ while walking my walk with Him and not having to depend so much on those around me (...or, dare I say it and risk laying myself out there like a frog on the dissection table...Him). But the truth of the matter is: I'll never be enough. Neither will you.

Nope - the ladies I laughed and cried and munched with this weekend reminded me of that. None of us are ever going to be enough. But thankfully, and I'm clinging to this with the ounce of strength I have, God is. And He's working in ways we don't understand - and He's doing things and allowing things that just don't make sense - but He's working and He always will be.

And, y'know what else? He cares. He really does. His character doesn't allow Him NOT to care. He cares because He loves us. Psalm 103 tells us the truth of who He is...(I had forgotten to read this over and over and over until it sunk in...if only my foolish heart would get out of the way!) Here it is:

Psalm 103 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
Psalm 103 Of David.
1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
2 Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits-
3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion,
5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.
6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.
7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel:
8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.
9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever;
10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;
14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass, he flourishes like a flower of the field;
16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more.
17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD's love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children's children-
18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts.
19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.
20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word.
21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will.
22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, O my soul.

I'm reminded of a prayer request I made a few years back - I requested they pray for weakness because I'm a strong woman - I can handle a lot of things - and that's my problem. I need to pray for the strength to be weak.

Ladies of MOMS - I want to thank you for reminding me that we serve a God who is strong enough to handle it all, and longs for the opportunity to be Himself in our lives. I'm looking forward to a great year of reaching out and loving other MOMS into the Kingdom with you. God bless you all and THANK YOU for a FUN WEEKEND!!!