*sigh*

Life's been pretty crazy lately. Okay, life's been REALLY crazy lately! This year we decided to sign up both boys for Little League. They had played Parks & Rec for a few years, but we were wanting a program with a bit more discipline and training that still focused on fun.... We had heard from others who had done it previously that it was a lot more time consuming and intense, and we believed them, but I don't think we fully understood the impact of having four practices and two games a week would have on our family. (That's two practices and a game for each son.) They're far enough apart in age to be in two separate divisions, thus two separate teams...thus lots more time involved. HOWEVER....I LOVE, LOVE, LOOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEEEE Little League!!! I love that the more we get to know the other families the more fun it becomes. I love that I personally am learning more about baseball (Scott dropped his jaw one Saturday morning when he came downstairs to me watching "Quick Pitch" on the MLB network! :) Just me. The boys were there, but I had the remote and had chosen it. I enjoy watching the great and amazing fielding plays and such.) , and I love that we are a Baseball family. Both boys enjoy their teams (Micah's team is a great faith-builder. I find myself praying A LOT for patience and grace to handle 5 and 6 year olds who don't think they have to pay attention to a game or listen to an adult while in the dugout. :) ), and both teams have coaches who really care.

I'm finding it's not as common these days to find parents who are willing to be involved not for their own children, but for the common good of a team as a whole. I understand wanting to invest in our kid's lives ~ I *SO* understand that and whole-heartedly agree. However, when the good of a team requires your child to not do something they really think they should be able to do (whether it's wanting to play a certain position or needing to stop pouting when they don't perform as well as they think they could), isn't it our responsibility to remind them and help them see the need to think of the team? For instance, last Saturday we had a game for each boy. CJ's team is a Double A team (it starts out with T-ball, then Single A ~ which is Micah's division, Double A, Triple A, Minor League, and Majors). They're still a truly developmental division. It started out machine pitch, then went to kid-pitch a couple weeks ago. Anyway, one of the big things I love about this team is that they're just a bunch of great kids. They all have great personalities and really enjoy being there. There are also some really good players on the team. CJ happens to be one of them. He's got good form at bat and has had quite a few really great hits, including an "in-the-park" grand slam a couple of weeks ago. (I'll tell you about that later...) I see in him, though, a tendency to get a bit overly-confident out there after he's had a few good plays.

Last week he was covering 3rd base. The opposing team's batter stepped up and cracked a line drive down the third baseline. CJ popped up, grabbed the ball out of the air sending the batter back to the dugout, and then proceeded to continue the play to 2nd base to get the 1st base runner out. It would have been a tremendous play if he had grabbed the ball, popped it to the 2nd baseman and let him tag him out. CJ, however, decided to run the ball HIMSELF to 2nd base!!! I'm usually in the dugout helping with the lineup and keeping the guys in line when they're batting, and that day was no exception. Standing at the fence I, along with the rest of our team's crowd, was going crazy with the excitement of the play...until I saw that CJ wasn't throwing the stinkin' ball! Then I, along with others, yelled at the top of my lungs, "THROW THE BALL!! COME ON!!" (I, um, well, I have a big mouth and very loud voice. It comes in handy when singing opera on a stage with no mic, but it tends to get me in trouble other times.)

CJ ran it in, and he's fast so he was gettin' there, but when you don't play as a team you're not fast enough. Because he decided to pull the glory on himself and make a double play all alone the 1st base runner made it to 2nd within 1/2 a second of CJ getting there. We were all excited about the play, and other parents were yelling, too, when we saw how close the play ended up being. Thankfully they know he's really a good player...and that I would not tolerate that kind of playing...which became very obvious when I yelled, "Come on, CJ! You're a TEAM out there!! Throw that ball to your teammate and play together!" After that the Double A Mariners played a really good game. They are learning the need to play WITH each other...not just on the same team.

INteresting side-note regarding that game. We were playing the Double A Red Sox. After CJ had that play that got us all riled up I noticed that the Red Sox team players started doing the same thing ~ they started wanting to show how capable THEY were individually of playing well. Every time they ran the ball to base instead of throwing it to the player covering it the play failed and the opposing player was safe. It's a huge lesson to be learned in Little League that will serve them well for life. THankfully, most of the parents on that team understand that, too, and are willing to back up the coach when he gets after the kids for not playing as a team. There are a few, though, who think their kid deserves the glory and doesn't have to sacrifice anything of themselves for the team. They'll sacrifice skin to make a play, but not their glory for anyone else. I truly feel sorry for those kids whose parents are teaching them that because they're the ones who, when they're in the dugout, would really like to just be friends with the other guys and play a great game of ball together. Instead, their attitude and fear of letting Dad down pushes people away.

I see that in a lot of places. That intense focus on getting only what we want without any concern (or putting on a face of concern that goes about a centimeter deep) with how the choices we make affect those around us. It breaks my heart to see friends walking away from marriages because it got hard and they started believing the lies of the enemy that they must have NEVER loved their spouse. (I know those lies. I heard them all the time in my own head for quite a few years. I know a lot more about the hard road in marriage than anyone reading this really needs to know here ~ if you want to know more I suppose you could ask me personally, but be prepared to hear the truth. I don't sugar coat problems. It's not worth it, and it only gives the enemy a foothold when we keep some of it in the dark and only bring to the light what we're okay with people hearing. God is the light...all of it comes into the light when I share with people. So please ask if you want, but don't say I didn't warn you. *grin*)


I sit in my chair and cry as I type journal entries about the pain of friends who have walked away from God and have no idea that they have. I read from God's love letter (the Bible) and I see on every page how incredible it is to be able to serve others so that maybe they would see Him in me, or so a conversation or a question could come into our time together and they would hear how much He loves them and how tremendously He sacrificed for them...and for me.

Because of this, lately I am burdened with a need to step out into roles I never thought I would fill for the sole purpose of being obedient to God and showing others His love ~ no matter where they stand in life's journey. I get angry with people who call themselves Christians and refuse to surrender their desires for His no matter how much they think they have to give up to do so. This morning I was feeling guilty about being so angry with a particular situation because I have sensed a lack of zeal and passion where there should be so much more. I picked up my copy of "The Tender Words of God" by Ann Spangler and read the section on Jesus. What an amazing God we serve who knows exactly where we're at and meets us with the right provision to keep us strong and focused on the truth of His Word. When I feel guilty about speaking truth or pointing out sin I am thankful that in that guilt God reminds me it's a good thing because it tells me I haven't lost my heart for others. There have been times when I have pointed out sin/lies and gotten awfully pious about it. I'm not there anymore. I see people walking all around me and they're all searching for the same thing ~ a place where they know without a shadow of a doubt that they are loved, cared for, and accepted...a place where they are well aware of the boundaries, and know that even when they step outside the bounds it doesn't mean they can't come back in. I live every day in the knowledge that I am in that place. I know Who loves me, cares for me, accepts me...and simply stands with arms open wide when I come running back after being so foolish. Why wouldn't I sacrifice my dreams and my desires for HIS dreams and HIS desires for me? People need Him... I want to show them that in Him they truly belong.

If anyone reading this feels that same way, I'd appreciate you letting me know. We need to be praying for each other, encouraging each other, and keeping each other focused on Who we're going to answer to in the long run. I'd appreciate your prayers for me, too. Please. Pray that I would live in confidence knowing that where God is evil can't stay...pray that I would daily surrender my will for His and fill the roles He has called me to with diligence and grace. Thanks!

PS: in regards to CJ's grand slam I wrote about above...that was an amazing night! We'd been dealing with some pretty major attitude issues with him, and on the way to the game that night we were chatting about where our talents really come from (God), and how we are to work hard at developing those talents and skills, but that God is the One who is in charge of any successes or wins we have. Therefore, when we live our lives as the people He has made us to be, we are to do all things for HIS glory and not our own. Fast forward to about the 3rd or 4th inning of this game. CJ comes up behind me in the dugout, wraps his arms around me and says, "All of it for the glory of God, Mom, right?" I smiled and said, "Every bit of it...no matter what. You go out and do your very best, and let Him take care of the rest." The next inning he was up to bat and the bases were loaded. The way Double A pitching works is that it is either kid or machine pitch for 5 pitches, and then the coach comes out and pitches the next three. CJ swung at the first pitch...miss. He swung at the second pitch...miss. The third and fourth were the same, and we're all seeing that he's got a great swing going, but he's just not connecting with that ball. The last pitch before the coach comes out and it's coming across the plate...he swings...CRACK! A perfect connection with a sweet sail down the third baseline and well past all the players in the outfield. The Mariners start running and the 3rd base coach just stands there windmilling 'em in. They're all grinning from ear to ear and the dugout and stands are going crazy. CJ runs past the 3rd base coach as if he had wings on his feet with the biggest grin on his face you've ever seen. He crosses home plate and comes running to the dugout where the other three players are standing and they jump on him and slap him on the back and everyone's cheering and parents are standing at the fence cheering for him...and he goes busting through the crowd, runs up to me, throws his arms around my waist, buries his face in my chest and bursts into tears. He's hugging me so hard, and his body's just shuddering with the sobs of joy coming out of him and he looks at me and says, "God's pretty amazing, Mom. All for His glory. Wow."

It is my continual prayer that that lesson sticks. The understanding that when you give up yourself God comes in and does things through you you never thought possible. I'm proud of CJ...and I could fill this page with stories of Micah doing the same kind of plays and such so please don't think I'm playing favorites....but I am a realist Mom and I know there will be many more opportunities to remind him and help him see the lesson of sacrifice again and again. But that day? I was praising and praying like crazy!!!

PPS: Micah has a tendency to think of others and serve others and do for others naturally...it's a beautiful thing in him, and I'm a student of his, really, where that's concerned. However, just as each of us are different, I see in CJ a natural tendency toward the discernment of God, and in Micah a natural tendency toward the service of God (kind of my own Mary and Martha in boy form). I hope no one thinks that by sharing a story of one child without sharing a story about the other that somehow I'm not being fair or playing favorites. There is nothing farther from the truth where my boys are concerned! They both constantly and beautifully teach me, challenge me and bless me.

Thanks for reading...sorry it's a lot longer than I had originally intended! Have a great Memorial Day weekend!!