Gone are the days...

Today I said goodbye to the times when I could fool myself into thinking I was going to be 24 forever. Today I said goodbye to the idea that I really never grow older...just more mature and wiser. Today I let go of the hope that maybe there's something more than motherhood for me. Well, maybe not all of these were fully-concrete departures, but I feel like they are right now. It's a very simple thing that has done it...my youngest son turned six today.

When I look at Micah I still remember the struggles of accepting that my hopes for my future were not the plans God had for my life. When I watch him running and playing I am reminded of the times I prayed he'd just stop moving for 10 minutes while still in-utero so I could get some rest. I see him with his friends ~ laughing and joking and making them all so happy just in being him ~ and I can feel the tears that ran down my face the day I found out I'd be having a boy...and I experience the deepest, most profound regret.

Micah is a God-send in my life. His laughter is infectious, his smile captivating. He can light up a room with a grin and shut it down with a whine. His hugs and kisses (of which, believe me, there are many) feed my soul on a spiritual level. No, he doesn't fill me up like my time with Jesus does, but having him in my life is a gift beyond measure. To think that I thought a Megan would be a better fit for me is like saying Orville Redenbacher would make a great US President (yes, it's that absurd!)! Micah is a joy-maker. He is stubborn as all get-out, and his decisions have to be HIS decisions, but he is joy incarnate most of the time.

So today I say goodbye to the foolish notions that I have a better idea of how my life should be worked out than the Very One who created me. If having Micah was all His idea ~ and obviously it would be ~ then I trust Him all the more because I couldn't imagine my life without Micah.

Thank You, Lord, for knowing me better than I'll ever know myself. amen.

PS: two really cool prayer moments from last night with the boys...
1) Micah praying and out of the blue saying, "...and I really hope we get to see Sophie again soon..."
2) Caleb praying and saying, "Lord, thank you for my parents because, really, Micah and me have great parents...REALLY GREEEEEAAAAT parents. So thanks for letting us have them as parents."
How can I be anything but thankful?