Dreams ~ where do they come from? The dreams I hold in my heart that I dare not utter for fear they will be laughed at, joked about, tossed aside in the plunder of the life unused. The dream at the core of my being….placed there by God Himself…what is it?
What were the dreams of my childhood? Being a great teacher ~ singing on a stage with thousands applauding and crying and being moved by the music ~ being swept off my feet by my knight in shining armor. All of them dreams I held deep in the recesses of my soul. What would I write on my paper for the Blue Bottle?
Lord, what I know is that there are dreams I have in my heart that I cannot explain. There are dreams and conscious understandings of what will be that I cannot fathom or ever believe *I* had the ability to conceptualize. Are those the dreams from You? The dreams I even dare not write here? The dreams that are bigger and more astounding than I could ever have imagined? Or are those dreams the dreams my mother thinks I have? The dreams that are about me being applauded and lifted up. The dreams based on my pride and not on Your Glory…. Father! Father! All I long for is for who YOU have made me to be! All the dreams I have inside are nothing if they do anything but bring glory to YOU.
“You can say I’m a dreamer…but I’m not the only one.” I hate the song, but that line is all that comes to mind when I think of dreams.
“One night Joseph had a dream and promptly reported the details to his brothers, causing them to hate him even more. ‘Listen to this dream,’ he announced. “We were out in the field tying up bundles of grain. My bundle stood up and then your bundles all gathered around and bowed low before it!’
‘So you are going to be our king, are you?’ his brothers taunted. And they hated him all the more for his dream and what he had said.”
Is this what it is that holds us back, Father? Is it the fact that our own family members have issues with our dreams? Is it the cutting comments and the fear of being outcast from our own flesh and blood that keeps us from being who YOU have made us to be?
In my own life I have had many dreams ~ and many of those dreams have been scoffed at and even said to be foolish wanderings of my own flesh and pride. But, Father, there is something in me that burns to get out. There is a flame of desire in me that is not my own. If it were my own it would have been snuffed out a hundred times over in fear that I might actually make it. Instead, no matter what anyone says, and no matter what anyone does, the dream is bolstered and fanned. That’s You, isn’t it? That is not my dream ~ that is the dream YOU have placed in me to burst into fire when You say “go.”
Lord, I want to be found worthy of that day. As I mother my children; love, respect and cherish my husband, and draw closer and closer to You may my life be the dream You have placed in me lived out. I’m done dreaming for myself, Father ~ that’s Your job. Dream for my life and let me see what I need to do when I need to do it ~ and then to cling to You, realize “You + Me = Majority” and GO FOR IT.”
This life’s simply not worth living if it has not been lived for You…in You…of You…and for the sole purpose of getting as many people as is possible to realize that very simple fact. Surrender. I surrender all.
Your beloved,
Trayc
No comments:
Post a Comment