Searching

"Search for the Lord and for His strength, and keep searching." Psalm 105:4

Today at our MOMS group I found out that one of the moms at our table, who is pregnant, will have to go in on Monday for a blood transfusion. Not for herself, for her baby. We were talking about making it through the chaos, and she spoke up to share some of the trials they've gone through. My immediate reaction was fear. Fear for the baby. Fear for her. Fear for her two little boys who are exactly Caleb & Micah's ages. Fear for her husband. Fear for her marriage. Fear for her faith. And, ashamedly, fear that I wouldn't have the guts to pray for her right then and there.

When I was pregnant with Caleb I worked at our church in Whittier, CA. I absolutely loved working there. In fact, I was rather sad when I had to tell Pastor Bill that I was pregnant and would be leaving after the baby was born. (Then we ended up getting transferred...I wonder if that wasn't to keep me from going back...) Anyway, in the office I was surrounded by beautiful Christian women who were Moms and liked to celebrate with me the anticipation of a new baby in our lives. One particular woman taught me a valuable lesson. Her name was Kathy and she was the Women's Ministries pastor. Every time she sat next to me, no matter where we were, if we prayed she laid her hand on my belly and I knew she was praying for the child growing inside of me right along with the spoken prayer. At times like that fear of the unknown, anxiety over what was to come, whatever pent-up feelings I had over being a Mom simply melted away and instead I was filled with the peace that passes all understanding.

I have feared for my child's life while they were in utero, and I have experienced the pain of childbirth gone wrong...personally on a much lesser level than the experience of friends I love deeply...and in times like this morning those feelings come in and they cloud over me like a heavy veil. Then I run across a verse like Psalm 116: 1-2 which reads, "I love the Lord because He hears and answers my prayers. Because He bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath." There was a time in my life ~ when I was single and had no one else to talk to more often than not ~ that I went through my day in a sort of constant conversation with God. I am reminded of that now, I believe, because it's time to get back to that discipline.

Is there something you used to do that you have simply drifted away from? Is it something that would bring spark and flame back to your relationship with Christ in an area of your relationship that is smoldering or even cold? Will you walk with me into that challenge of re-discovering that habit...discipline...commitment? Right now Scott is waiting for me to finish this so we can pray over Caleb's schooling choice. In this time in our world education choices, I believe, cannot be made blindly. As Caleb nears Kindergarten and Micah nears three I find the need to return to "dating" my first love...no, to fully committing my heart and soul, future and family into His hands daily...hourly...minute-by-minute.