Pain

Here's a journal entry from the other night...I've dated this entry as if it were that night still. Enjoy!

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I was laughing with a friend today over the interesting ways God uses to get our attention. this friend was telling me about another couple who are friends of ours who had recently been discussing whether or not he should quit his job so they could start their own business. They really thought this could be a direction God was leading them in but even though he didn't like his job it was still a good job and kept their kids in clothes and their bills paid. He was laid off Monday. I'm so glad I serve a God who will allow the drastic to come in and put us in the place of necessary change.

As I write this I'm in hot water up to my neck thanks to a nerve or muscle in my upper shoulders/neck area that literally brought me to my knees with tears rolling down my cheeks a little while ago. I've never had a migraine, and I don't think that's what this is, but I am thankful I don't get migraines or even measly little headaches too often. My compassion & prayers for family members who do has just increased tremendously.

Y'see ~ I'm a wimp. No, really, I am. When something goes wrong my first response tends to be, "Lord! I can't do this! What are You doing here!?" Yes, I suppose it's time for me to admit it...I was a bit of a spoiled child (not a lot, just a bit, honest!), and I tend to revert back when things happen with no input from me or anyone else through poor choices.

That's what I did tonight ~ with tears rolling down my face I started tidying up the Family room thinking, "Lord! This hurts so badly! Scott's sitting there...can he not see that I'm in pain?! Will he even notice?" (Scott and I had just finished watching The Apprentice and were currently watching a special on the life of Pope Benedict XVI.) He did notice eventually and asked what he could do to help ~ he's truly my gift!~ so while I came upstairs he brewed me a cup of wonderfully soothing peppermint tea and brought it to me. (by the way, I didn't say anything because I honestly could not do anything but try to keep from sobbing...) And you're probably thinking, "good for him. This has to do with anything...how?"

Well, stick with me to the end....I climbed into the tub and started reading an old book I "borrowed" from my Mom's library about three years ago titled "Disciplines of the Beatiful Woman" by Anne Ortlund. By page 11 (which is really page three of text) I realized God gave me an answer to the "what are you DOING?" question. Mrs. Ortlund first paraphrases Brother Lawrence and his statement that peace doesn't come until pain is as welcome as a lack of pain. (I was fighting the pain and wondering who was going to "save me from it." ~ there was no peace!) She goes on to say that "pain is God's beautiful gift, anyway, to make us lean harder on Him, when He knows we need it." I immediately thought of how I had pity-party after pity-party when I first found out I have multiple food allergies, and how I was so upset about having to go through so much change. (See? I told ya I was a wimp!)

But then, with a little Mendelssohn filling the air and the soothing fingers of hot water loosening the knots in my shoulders, I read this..."Or pain can simply be the means to that quiet we long for." I put the book down and grabbed my journal. (I want to make a habit of recording the times God steps in for those times when I feel He's stepped away.) Just this afternoon when I was watching a friend's two boys (who happen to be my boys best friends) it seemed to be one thing after another. First Caleb gets poked near the eye with a toothpick, Brady gets hurt wrestling with Caleb, Matthew is crying because he had to sit on the toybox until I was calm enough to talk to him about proper toothpick usage and Micah was crying because I was making him lay down for a nap. Amidst all the chaos I went to my desk, put my head in my hands, felt the throbbing in my temples and asked God, "Can I have no peace? All I want is quiet!" Whoddathunk that peace and quiet would come in the form of a remedy for tremendous pain? God, You're awesome! Than You for the reminder that You DO hear, You DO care, and You DO answer prayer...when YOU know the time is right.


PS: since I can't get a Dr. to prescribe me real reading glasses I use store-bought readers...they've been wonderful taking the strain off my eyes tonight. And, to keep the weight of my hair from pulling on my scalp I have a shower cap on...Scott walked in and called me Granny...what was that I called him? Gift? Curse? (LOL!)