Letting Go...

Have you ever watched tiny little larvae grow into amazing, fat and furry caterpillars?
Have you ever watched those fat little caterpillars attach themselves to the "roof" of their little cup home and wind themselves in a protective shell where they would undergo an incredible transformation in 10 to 14 days?
Have you ever watched that fat little caterpillar emerge from it's chrysalide with wings that unfurl like a proud flag on a breezy summer day?

We have. It's been absolutely amazing to watch the little larvae we ordered from the website "Earth's Birthday." We got them when they were just over a week old and it took two more weeks for the first fat and furry crawly thing to attach itself to the roof of it's little speciman cup and wrap itself into it's protective shell for the shortest and most amazing natural physical transformation known to man. (or at least known to me!) The chrysalide of the painted lady butterfly looks rather plain if you just glance at it. In fact, it looks downright ugly. However, if you study it - really look at it and hold it up to the light so you can see it from many different angles you will see the most beautiful flecks of gold! Really! It's as if God's giving us a hint of what's to come. What's the phrase from the song we always sang at church while I was growing up on Communion Sunday? "give us a foretaste of the feast to come...."

And then...it happened!!! We woke up one morning and we had our first actual, living and fluttering butterfly!! He (or she...I'm sorry it's rather difficult to tell which sex it was...kind of like my cat, I suppose (had to put that in there for you, Dad!)) was stunning. He took my breath away. His long wings standing up like soldiers guarding the tomb of the unknown were strong and brave, and....plain. Plain? yup. Plain. He looked like a moth. I was tremendously disappointed. Caleb wondered where his color was. Caleb's favorite color is orange and he was so excited because he had seen many pictures of butterflies and none of them looked like this. But then...wait! He's starting to flutter his wings! Caleb and I collectively heald our breath and watched as he first fluttered a bit back and forth about 100th of a millimeter and then a little bit wider...a little bit wider...and then we gasped as he opened his wings to full mast and we saw the most incredible painting of orange and black with shades of pink and hints of yellow on the inside of his wings. The emergence from his chrysalide was simply the appetizer...the feast was all on the inside. I must have stood there and watched him for 15 minutes or so just taking in his graceful movements and beautiful transformation. We still had seven other chrysalides attached to the paper taped to the top of the box now so it was easy to compare where he had come from to where he was now. And in the words of one of my favorite praise songs, "I stand, I stand in awe of You..." I am struck silent (so you know that was a BIG thing for me ~ I was silent!) thinking back to how taken I was with these tiny little creatures flittering about in a cardboard box on our audio cabinet. I can't help but compare the tranformation of the butterfly to the transformation in my own life when I cuddled up into God's Chrysalide and let Him transform me. (some days I wish it would only take 10 to 14 days to transform us...wouldn't that be nice!?)

Within the last 11 days we have had six more butterflie emerge and each time it is nothing short of amazing to me how it happens. I literally have stood there and watched their wings unfurl. It's kind of like watching a baby stretch for the first time outside the womb...but imagine seeing that from a baby you have watched in a semi-transparent womb for nine months emerge from the birth canal for the first time. This was much shorter (could you imagine a 12 -14 day pregnancy that produces a fully functional child?!), and much easier since I personally did not have to go through childbirth. Hmmm...all the work is on the butterfly to emerge - the chrysalide just sits there...and then, of course, is discarded. Okay, maybe it's not better, but it was fun to go down that path a moment.) Okay, back on track...

And then there is today. Today wasn't an easy day. Today for the first time in a couple of days we 've had warm enough weather to consider letting them go. According to the information they should be released within 12 to 14 days of emergence to insure a healthy long life. Today was day 11 for butterfly number one.

After a little pep-talk to Caleb about whether we wanted the butterflies to live or not I reached into the box and let one of them cling on to my finger so I could transfer them to Caleb's hand and then we could walk out the patio door and release them. Caleb was really excited about watching each of the seven butterflies flit and flutter away from our fingers (and some of them flutter right to the grass due to an amazement of so much room, I'm sure!) as they caught the breeze and flew over the fence or over the house and disappeared from view. Actually, I suppose I should say he enjoyed it and was excited about it until we got to number seven. Then it hit him that he was letting go of something amazing that he had watched come into this world and he may never see them again.

Yes, tears come easily on this end, too...I gathered him in my arms and sat him on my knee for a little bit as we both watched the butterflies dance around our backyard as if to say, "see? I'm okay - this is so amazing! Thank you for letting me spread my wings and fly!" Then I whispered in his ear..."It's hard, Buddy. Next year you're going to be spreading your wings and going to Kindergarten, but there's a part of me who wants to hold you like this forever and protect you and keep you for my very own self all of your life. But then, what good would that do? What would happen to you if I never let you go and find out who God has made you to be? Watching them leave is the hardest part, but watching them fly is beauty in action."

Of course, Caleb is five and although his heart is tender he is still a five-year old boy and did not want to let them go no matter how exciting it was. So, after deciding that next year we'd have to plant a butterfly garden (he immediately asked if butterflies like sunflowers, Mima!) and get some more butterflies to raise next year he jumped inside to see if that last butterfly was anywhere near coming out of his chrysalide. And now all is right side up...because next year we'll do it all over again.